KEEP BELIEVING

Heather at Three Boys and Me had a great idea that I'm happy to be part of. Angie from Keep Believing, who many of you know, lost her husband Brian on March 17. Today would have been their 12th anniversary. I won't recap her whole story--you can pop over to read it if you don't already know her. Heather has asked Angie's blog roll to put up a Keep Believing post today In honor of Angie and Brian's beautiful, strong marriage. So that's what I'm going to write about today--beautiful, strong marriages.

I will have been married for 22 years on August 1. I have many friends who have been married for close to or over 20 years; some are coming up on 30 years. In my circle divorce is very rare. What do I see in these marriages?

I'll tell you that for the most part what I don't see is big romances, huge gestures, stars in the eyes and couples-only trips to exotic locales. I don't see couples that can't keep their hands off each other.

What I do see is partnerships. Couples that work together to make their crazy-busy, child-centered lives work. Men that know how to do a load of laundry and who don't "babysit" their own kids. Women who don't ignore their husbands in favor of their kids. Couples who sometimes give each other magnificent gifts and sometimes give each other cards--it's all about the timing and the checkbook balance.

I see couples that survived those wonderful, fun-filled, but exhausting days of babies and toddlers and now enjoy the reward of being able to enjoy a movie and dinner on a Saturday night without having to find a babysitter. Yes, sometimes these dates include checking up on the whereabouts of teens "just to be sure," but they don't resent it--they joke about it and reminisce about their own teenage days (which is the reason they're doing the checking).

I see couples who have forged friendships with neighbors and other couples so that they have a strong circle of support when the inevitable hardships of life befall them--job loss, death, parenting struggles. And support there is--dinners delivered, carpools covered, shoulders to cry on, a sense you are not alone.

Most of all I see friendships. Friendships with benefits, of course (the benefits are important), but most importantly couples who like each other and want happiness for their partners as much as they want it for themselves. Couples who couldn't imagine not having picked the partner they are with. Couples who ignore the extra pounds, the missing hair and the crow's feet to see the beauty in their spouses.

I have witnessed the sorrow of my best friend losing the husband she thought she had the rest of a lifetime to spend with. And I've seen that even though the other person may be gone from this Earth, the marriage is not over. It lives in the memories and that person's voice in your ear helping you go on when you miss them so much the pain washes over you in waves and you cannot believe that this is your life. If you have children your marriage is tangibly represented in these young people that are an amalgam of you and your spouse and are the constant reminder that you have a reason to go on living and thriving.

Angie--life will go on and it will get easier, though not soon and not always. You have to KEEP BELIEVING. (((Hugs))).

Comments

[Mary Alice]

Lovely and true. You made me teary this Sunday morning. Sending Angie strength.

[jenrantsraves]

What a wonderful post! I love it, and I think you are right about what makes a marriage work.

[Manic Mommy]

Very nice.

[Gladys]

Beautifully said. I have been married 46 years and every day with him has been a joy. In addition to what you wrote, I attribute our success to always being on the same team. Gladys

[Angie @ KEEP BELIEVING]

Thank you, Jenn.

KEEP BELIEVING

[texasholly @ June Cleaver Nirvana]

So true. I am going on year 18...

[blognut]

That's beautiful, Jenn.

[Nicole]

My heart goes out to Angie. Despite having not posted anything on my blog for a few weeks, I was proud to be a part of this.

[kcinnova]

Jenn, this is beautiful and oh so true.

21+ years, by the grace of God

[Heather]

Thank you for your Keep Believing post. It means so much to me that so many were able to do it, and from Angie's post I think we did a good thing and that it really is helping her through a terribly difficult day. Her blog roll looks incredible! Heather

[Busy Bee Suz]

Perfect. Just perfect!

[JCK]

What a beautiful testament to marriage, Jenn. So much wisdom in it! And a lovely tribute for Angie.

[Suzy]

You also don't see all the flirting and cheating that goes on. If one more man pulls off his ring and says "I just forget to take it off, I'm divorced now" I'll kick him in the groin.

I like a little more excitement in my life. I knew I would give up my career if I had kids and that wouldn't have been fair. TO ME!!!

[stephanie (bad mom)]

So very lovely, and accurate.

*blessings

[phd in yogurtry]

What a realistic but beautiful marriage testimony. I like the part about the importance of the benefits. Yessum deedy!

[Jen on the Edge]

This perfectly spells out what has been on my mind lately. Thank you for sharing.

[Johannarupp@yahoo.com]

Love is so much more than that rush of the crush and romantic love. I think old love is much more romantic than young love, there is a depth of love that makes it real, beautiful, and strong. My relationship changed entirely after our first child. Seeing my husband love me through all the changes made me fall in love with him all over again. I have always felt that when two people truly love one another, they create a sort of guardian spirit over their love. Love, truly loved, never leaves.

[Baby Favorite]

That was so beautiful.

I met my husband when he was 34 years old, and had just had a major heart attack a mere ten days prior. We were supposed to meet sooner (friends were setting us up), but the little medical emergency put things on hold. My 30th birthday fell a few short days after his hospitalization; Joe couldn't join us, but his best friend & wife decided to take me out to dinner. Barely starting to recover, he still made a point to send money with our friends so they could buy my dessert on his behalf. I knew at that moment that this guy was different from the rest.

I also remember other friends saying I should "be careful" meeting someone with a health problem. "Wouldn't want to lose him too soon," they warned.

I did meet him, fell almost instantly in love, and al though I do worry about his health, I always remember: "Better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all." I pray that thought can sustain me if and when the time comes that I'm in Angie's position.

[imom]

Beautiful post Jenn and after almost 27 years of marriage I completely agree!