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January 25, 2010

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Reluctant Blogger

What a sterling review. She did a good job with that.

It does sound a useful book.

Like you I have talked to my boys about sex and relationships right from the start. We don't target it especially - it just crops up as part of other conversations. It is amazing how frequently it does crop up these days actually - from them using the word "gay" inappropriately, to friends of parents splitting up, me being with Sandra and friends of theirs starting to get girlfriends. Conversation over dinner is sometimes rather lively and very amusing!

I rather wish you had been my mother, Jenn. Although it might have been a tricky given you are only 2 years older than me!

busy bee suz

I love her review, and your advice.
We certainly discuss topics in our house that were NEVER thought of in my childhood home.
I think I need this one though...my girls like reading more than talking!

suburbancorrespondent

Even listening to the radio (NPR) gives plenty of opportunities to talk about sex and AIDS and moral behavior! I hand the kids a book to get the basics (sorry, I just cannot stand watching them squirm while I tell them); and then I build on it every time something comes up in the paper or on the radio. Tiger Woods, ex-Governor Edwards, any stupid starlet, they are all openers on what is smart behavior and what isn't.

And now that we have such a colorful euphemism as "hiking the Appalachian trail," it's that much more fun to discuss!

jenn

I'm ordering it now. I'm always looking for ways to jump-start some of those conversations.

kellyg

I want to be you when I grow up. Or as my kids' grow up. I will be adding this to my list of books to get as my daughter gets older.

Lisa Munley

Like Kellyg, I want to be you when I grow up! My girls are 11 and 12. We talk about things to a point, but dinner conversation about blow jobs would cause their dad to have a coronary episode!!

Great review!! Thanks so much to you and the (gorgeous!) girls for all the time and effort that went into reading and reviewing Body Scoop. We really appreciate it.

Jen

Trying to imagine my mom and I having a dinner conversation about blow jobs seriously made me laugh! Thanks for that! : )

Amy Amy Bo Bamey

Sounds like a book I need to get! My daughter is 11 and we have had the talk and I try and keep it pretty open but would like a book like this to keep it flowing even more, I want her to be well educated about this all so she can make good decisions.

phd in yogurtry

Would love to read this book. I need all the help I can get.

Something I'd like to add: listen quietly, without criticism, with a neutral expression. Whatever the question, whatever the shocking piece of news they are delivering.

You inspired a post, Jenn (Love it when that happens):

http://coffeeyogurt.blogspot.com/2010/01/meaning-of-bird.html

Yo is Me

i haven't read all the comments, but i whole heartedly agree with phd in yogurtry. i've had MANY of those moments when my nephew is telling me something or asking me something and i'm FREAKING OUT inside, but i stay calm on the outside and somehow manage to get through it. there are times to giggle about blow jobs, and a time to talk seriously about blow jobs. we've talked about stds at the dinner table. it only took once during dinner, though, and he stopped asking during dinner.

you can say "talk to me whenever you have questions", but it takes a while to work up that trust.

Kelly

I think this subject is so very important!! Talk, talk, talk. But tools like this book really are valuable.

Green Girl in Wisconsin

So is there a version of this for boys?
We do discuss all things body-related at our house. Thank goodness, because I sure don't want their peers or TV to be their only source of advice or values!!!

texasholly @ June Cleaver Nirvana

Very cool. I may be avoiding the dinner table in the future with three boys...! ha.

MommyTime

And what exactly do you say to a 7 year old about sex? I'm serious. My just-turned-six-er just recently asked "how the baby got in there in the first place, and how it gets out," and I gave a kind of vague answer about how the mom and dad have to decide together that they are ready for a baby before a new one will grow. I was in the middle of trying to juggling a crying 3 yr old and the cooking of dinner, so it wasn't really the time for a conversation. But I want to be better prepared for the next question because I'm not exactly sure how much is too much info for a 6 yr old. Input? Books to suggest aimed at the younger set? I'm all about being honest and forthright, but I do think that there are some details that are better saved for maturer heads -- though it's hard to know precisely where to draw the line...

Thanks for getting me thinking about this again.

kcinnova

I'm trying to imagine a discussion of blow jobs at the dinner table, but I just can't see beyond my kids' embarrassed faces...
We do try to be open --my husband will occasional crack a joke to break the ice-- but the kids mostly don't want to know.
And I echo Green Girl in Wisconsin, is there a boy version of this book?

Brightside Susan

I agree that it has to start young and that sometimes you have to force the converationa bit more with boys - they "don't want to hear it" - but they really do.

My oldest daughter is now sometimes sharing too much! And my younger daughter is sometimes sorry that she asked because I am very honest.

JCK

I completely agree with you about starting to talk to kids when they are young. My children already know that babies come out of vaginas. I am honest with them, with the appropriate amount to be handled. I'll have to bookmark this book for future notice. :)

Tammy

I've already placed a hold on this book at the library!! Thanks so much for the info and review. I've been talking to my kids about sex since they started asking questions when they were around 6. It's never too soon to tell the facts.

calamitysandra

For the mother who asked about what to tell her six year old:

I found (the German version) of
"Who Am I? Where Did I Come From?"
by Dr. Ruth K. Westheimer
to be a good starting point.

Other than that, I simply always answered their questions truthful.

When my then 4 year old asked about the baby in my belly, I told him that grown-ups sometimes do something that is called sex.
Grown ups do this sex thing because it feels very good to them, but also because it is possible to create a baby that way.
Part of this sex thing is, that the man puts his erect penis into the womans vagina. After some time, something called semen comes out of the penis.
Sometimes one tiny, teeny little semen cell swims all the way deeper into the woman, into a organ called the uterus. There it is possible that it meets something called a egg, but this one is much, much smaller than the eggs you know.
When a semen cell and an egg meet, the kind of melt together, and out of them starts to grow the baby. Made from something of their Mommy and Daddy together.
The baby grows in the Mommies belly for about 40 weeks, and when it is ready to be born the muscles in the Mommies belly start to contract, and help the baby out into the world by pushing it out though the vagina.


This is more or less what I told my son at that time. Maybe it helps you as a point to start from.

Little Miss Sunshine State

We also had a lot of open communicating when mine were teenagers. I also made sure to have conversations that included the emotional aspects of having sex at too young an age.

We once had a lively dinner discussion about Viagra and 4-hour erections that led to the question, "What would you wear to the ER??"

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