Juggling Life

Paying It Forward

Many years ago I was in a car accident that was not my fault. The person who was at fault did NOT see it that way however and I was really upset that the person behind me who had to have witnessed the accident hadn't stopped.

My faith in humaity was restored when the driver who hadn't stopped returned to the scene in time to give a statement to the police. He hadn't stopped originally because he had a sick child in the car that he'd just picked up from daycare, but he was kind of enough to return after he'd taken his kid home.

Tuesday afternoon I was on my way home from work, coming down the freeway. It was 2:30 so the traffic wasn't heavy, but it wasn't light either. The car directly in front of me was a Chevy Equinox. Beside me was a trash truck and in front of that was a black Jetta. Suddenly, which is how these things always happen, the Equinox changed lanes right into the Jetta. The Equinox bounced off the Jetta about three car lengths ahead of me and hit the brakes. The Jetta stayed straight in the lane and didn't even brake.

Both cars pulled off to the shoulder as soon as they could and I did the same. I was able to safely back up a couple of hundred yards on the shoulder to get close to their cars. My motivation was just to give the driver of the Jetta my information since it would be pretty hard to determine fault without a witness.

I was shocked to find the driver of the Jetta was a 17-year old high school senior who had only had her driver's license since April. She said, "I knew I couldn't move over because there was a car next to me and I was afraid to brake because the trash truck was behind me." She was shaking like a leaf--who wouldn't be? Still she was incredibly self-possessed and gratefully took my information and then double-checked the list of what information she thought she should exchange (license plate number, driver's license number, insurance information) with the other driver.

The other driver never got out of her car while I was there, so I didn't talk to her, but I did notice she had a baby in the backseat--she was on the phone the whole time. I told the Jetta driver that she shouldn't wait in her car, but on the other side of the concrete barrier--that was the one thing she didn't already know.

I couldn't help thinking of how many ways the whole thing could have/would have been so much worse--especially if the teenage driver was looking at her phone or even if she didn't have both hands on the wheel. She did everything right-which is saying a lot for a new driver.

I'm very happy to have been able to help her; I sure would want someone to do the same for one of my kids.

 

 

 

 

BlogHer Flashback

I just saw this picture over at Suzy's the other day. She'd posted in on Twitter before I was on Twitter, so I missed it. It's a picture of me and Bossy--or rather, a picture of the back of my head and Bossy. For some reason this amuses me.

Failure/Success

I read a very lengthy but also very interesting article in the New York Times on Sunday-What if the Secret to Success is Failure?

It is well worth reading the whole thing but the gist of it is that character is more important than intelligence in becoming a successful, contributing member of society. Additionally, one of the problems that is plaguing our educational system and society is that we are so focused on ensuring success at every turn that we don't give children the chance to fail and that failure builds character.

One of the reasons I love this article is that people with more money and education than I designed a study that proves something I've known for years--and that I've been talking about forever. The way I put it is, "We all know that our times of greatest personal growth have come when we have faced tough times; why are so many of us determined to smooth over all rough patches for our children?"

What this article put me in mind of was something that happened when Danger Boy was about five years old. MVP had gotten rollerblades for his birthday; for Christmas Danger Boy and Social Butterfly both wanted a pair. Of course they got them (Mr. Fix-it and I are total suckers for buying anything sports-related). The neighbor kids had also gotten rollerblades. Christmas morning was like a day at a roller derby rink.

I don't think that Danger Boy had ever encountered any physical activity to that point that he wasn't automatically excellent at doing-this is a boy who was running when he as eight months old and swimming before that (true story). Social Butterfly was flying around the cul-de-sac within minutes of putting her blades on. Danger Boy? Not so much.

He gave it about ten minutes and then he was done. He totally lost interest and wanted to quit. I wouldn't let him. It may sound cruel but I told him in no uncertain terms that he was going to keep trying. I told him I didn't care if didn't want to do it anymore after he got good at it, but that he needed to keep at it until that point. He did get quite good and I believe hockey nets were that year's birthday present for him. In any event, their were about two straight years where roller hockey was the afterschool activity of choice.

Now I'm not going to say for certain that was a turning point in his life, but who knows? It's really easy for somebody that is good at a lot of things to avoid ever doing something that they're not good at. That, as the article points out, is not a good thing.

What do think of this theory? Do you have any stories that highlight the importance of failure?

 

Lifting up the Dark Cloud to See the Silver Lining

Okay, the title is a little melodramatic but that's the mood I'm in tonight.

Also? After Friday's post I feel like I'm beating a dead horse. But it's my blog and I can cry if I want to. Also? I can use tired cliches until the cows come home.

Knowing my husband was leaving late Sunday afternoon cast a pall over the whole day. Mr. Fix-it, Social Butterfly and I all pretty much moped around. Mr. Fix-it managed to pack and do household chores while he moped, while SB and I were more stereotypical mopers (lots of sitting involved).

I actually got a little weepy today, which is so not me.

It's weird because he's going to be home in two weeks, which is better than his schedule has been.

Okay--that was the dark cloud. Now for the silver lining.

If I didn't truly enjoy his company it wouldn't bother me so much that he's leaving.

I am lucky to have many wonderful friends (and a snuggle-bunny teenage daughter) to spend time with; and I truly enjoy them all. But I find that nothing really approximates the camaraderie and intimacy that I have with my husband. It makes sense-this is why people get married, after all.

So that's the silver lining--this wonky schedule has really highlighted for me that I am in a good relationship and a happy marriage and that (god-willing and the creek don't rise) I can look forward to continued happiness with the guy that first caught my eye in the food court above the skating rink at a shopping mall when I was 16 years old.

 

P.S. We didn't end up seeing Contagion because it wasn't playing at any good times-we saw Moneyball instead and it was an excellent movie.

 

 

Still busy, busy . . .

My husband is leaving on Sunday for his other home in Salt Lake City. We ended up with three weeks, which was great. In a couple of weeks he'll be home again and we'll go see Danger Boy play water polo at a tournament in Claremont. We're REALLY looking forward to that.

I was telling MVP how much Mr. Fix-it has gotten done around the house and his opinion is that his dad "finds household chores therapeutic." I think that's really true. Since there are not many chores one can do around a one-bedroom apartment he comes home with all sorts up pent-up energy. It works out great because when he's gone I do everything and when he comes back I do nothing.

I do find that it takes a little adjusting on my part to not get irritated by certain habits he has. Cough socks on the floor by the couch cough. Cough squeezing the toothpaste from the middle cough. Cough terrible taste in TV shows cough.

The thing that makes it possible, nay, delightful to ignore these minor shortcomings is that he is so incredibly thoughtful. Last night I wanted to hole punch about 200 pages and put them into a binder (work thing, still complicated, will say more when possible). Our three-hole punch wasn't up to the job, so I just decided to go into work early to do it. When I unpacked my stuff at 7:40 in the morning, imagine my surprise when I found the whole binder already put together. He'd run over to his office after I went to bed and taken care of it. Instead of punching holes I kicked back and made some moves on my many Words games.

Social Butterfly and I have both been spoiled by his doing things like getting up before us on Sunday morning and washing and gassing up both our cars. She's been doing a lot of bike riding with her Daddy and I'm finally getting caught up on all the movies I was waiting on him to see--Crazy, Stupid Love, Drive and, tomorrow night, Contagion.

For right now we are counting down the days in our heads as we watch X-Factor--replete with snarky commentary from all of us--and just enjoy being a family.

 

 

 

Busy, busy . . .

I'm busy with a work thing--as soon as I actually know what I'm doing I'll fill you in. It's complicated. Meanwhile, I'll just share GrownUp Girl news.

 

• GuG and friends went whitewater rafting in Wisconsin over Labor Day weekend. They had a blast.
• GuG and her boyfriend, Grownup Guy, got news that for their rotations in their fourth (and final!) year of pharmacy school (which starts next August) they've both been placed in San Diego for one of the rotations. Woohoo! Bonus? It's the rotation that includes Thanksgiving and Christmas. Double Woohoo!
• GuG is a member of a Pharmacy Fraternity (think professional organization rather than Animal House) and has been taking on leadership roles within the organization. She served as a delegate to the National Meeting held in San Francisco this past summer and has just been appointed to a National Committee--she is one of eight members of the committee.

 

 

Multipurpose

I have started "cooking" again (preparing food is probably more apt) with the caveat that I will only do it if my family tells me what they want me to make. That's how we ended up having French toast for dinner the other night (Social Butterfly request).

Ignore the facts that only the ugly pieces of French toast are left--the point of sharing this picture is to demonstrate the many uses of a tortilla warmer. I also love it for keeping pancakes and French toast warm. It's so much easier than turning the warming drawer on and lifting up and putting back on a piece of foil over a plate.

This is one kitchen extra I heartily endorse.

Class Warfare? Bring It On.

I didn't hear Obama's whole speech about his deficit-reduction plan and I didn't hear Boehner's entire explanation of why he opposes it--but I did hear the snippet where Boehner accuses Obama of engaging in "class warfare."

Honestly?

I would LOVE it if Obama got down to it and engaged in some serious class warfare--because the Republicans have been at it for quite some time and the upper-upper class is kicking every other classes' asses.

I used to feel that my family was "lower-upper-middle class." Now I would say that we're "high-middle-class" and hanging on to that spot with our fingernails. I think my kids are going to be lucky to hold onto that designation.

We are the lucky ones and I know it. Whether it will stay that way I don't know, and I sure would love to see a larger portion of our society become lucky.

A system where the rich get richer and the poor get poorer is a broken system and more of the same ol', same ol' is not going to cut it. If tax cuts for the wealthy created jobs we'd know it by now. It doesn't and there are plenty of studies to prove it.

This whole partisan politics (which I think is just a cover for racism on the part of many people) on the part of the Republicans has got to stop. It's destroying this country. The Democrats aren't blameless either--my father recently reminded me of a Will Rogers' quote that sums up exactly how I'm feeling:

I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat.

 

 

 

Juggling Gift Giving

In most families people take on certain roles. In our family, the role of "amazing gift-giver" was snapped up by my husband long before we were married. It started with a ruby and diamond ring that he gave me for Christmas when I was 20 and it has continued unabated since then. My most memorable gift in recent times was my two kayaks which have transformed my life recreation-wise.

His amazing gift-giving skill is not limited to me, but extends to all members of the family.

When we were first married I tried to keep up, I really did. But it was hard. To start with, men are so hard to buy things for anyway. When my husband wants something, it's often something really big that he pretty much has to buy himself--like a motorcycle or a mountain bike.

Whereas I am a woman; jewelry is always welcome and I'm likely to love anything he picks out (he has excellent taste). Ditto for the girls in the family and all four kids love electronics.

All this is to say that I have had to reinvent myself as the "creative" gift-giver.

So, this year . . .

You see, my husband grew up on Miracle Whip. I was raised to consider it the devil's condiment. I don't generally buy Miracle Whip because I don't want my mother turning over in her grave (never mind that she was cremated).

But for my husband on his birthday? There is nothing I won't do!

What say you? Miracle Whip or good old-fashioned mayo?

 

I Don't Mind Being Sick as Much as I Mind Being Tired (Plus Important Stuff at The Bottom of The Post)

I am on my second round of antibiotics for an infection. I'm sure I didn't help myself by spending the weekend acting as though I was just fine simply because my symptoms were gone--kayaking, then out to dinner Friday night and up late with friends, dancing Sunday night; but it's so nice to have my husband home to DO things with (not that I don't do things when he's not here, but it's even better when he is).

This week I'm not dancing, I'm dragging. On Tuesday I actually had to take a nap after work before I baked my husband's birthday cake (Pineapple Upside Down). I did make it out to dinner, but by eight I was in bed.

Lather, rinse, repeat on Wednesday and now Thursday night.

I have been sicker in the last couple of years than I ever have in my life and I think I've isolated the culprit. It's having a job. In my SAHM days it was really easy to listen to my body and get rest when I was feeling under the weather. If I felt I needed it, I could drop the kids at school and come back home and crawl into bed. I rarely got sick-sick.

Not that knowing that is going to change anything, but it makes me feel less like I'm falling apart as I age.

Officially sealing my status as the world's worst blog-giveaway person, I've picked a winner for The Gap Year book giveaway--I said a week, it's been a month. Also? I cannot get this underline url thingy to turn off for anything, so it's staying.

The randomly chosen winner is #8:

I think that experience and a different perspective changed my ability to think like a teen a bit. I know that I can empatize with their thoughts and feelings. I hope that comes across to them.

Posted by: Jamie | August 15, 2011 at 01:52 PM

For those of you interested in the Point/Counterpoint conversation we've been having here, please go back and read the comments--Aaryn Belfer (Commenter B in my post) has joined the conversation and I'm really glad to have her voice heard.