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June 03, 2012

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lanes

A person needs to kayak, vent, and share triumphs re: sticking to her figurative guns so she can keep up her stamina!

Also, that mom may describe you any way she likes to her friends, but you weren't unkind. I know that the summer before going off to college is very emotional for many folks, but she really is going to have to get used to her son's freedom soon enough. One night sans a phone call = good practice.

(Do you like how I phrased it so it seems like she should be thanking you?)

Deborah J

I like you. You parent the way I do.
I had a similar conversation at a Pre-Formal (Senior Prom) get together of parents last year.
In a conversations about graduation, and end of schooling activities I could not believe how many parents were grasping on so tight to their young adults...and trusting so little.
I said," My job is done. My daughter is not perfect, but she doesn't lie, cheat or steal. She has a kind heart, and knows right from wrong. I'm ready to let go."
I got howled down.
I said, " If we don't think they're prepared to go out in the world now after 17 years of parenting, then we failed."

Well I had to walk away from the conversation in the end because it got so heated.
I must say I've seen just as many parenting disasters caused by parents holding on too tight, as I have of the neglectful kind.

Smalltown Me

Oh, good for you Jenn! I pity the helicopter moms.

Karen (formerly kcinnova)

I love the first part of your answer AND the second part, too.
My SIL is heavily into volunteering. I've been strongly suggesting that it is too much, but she says that she enjoys it. Me, I'm getting close to well-done, but my youngest is completing 6th grade, so I'm not really done yet.
Hope you enjoyed that kayaking!

Deborah J, I could hang around you just fine, and I may or may not end up with a kid who flunks out of college. I should know in a year.

Busy Bee Suz

Good for you....can you see the finish line yet? you are almost there!

Albug

As parents we are raising adults. Letting go and trusting them bit by bit is part of raising adults. My two boys turned out to be great adults (40 & 38), husbands and parents, despite the fact that there were many times in their teen years that I had no idea what they were really doing. No cell phones in those days. I trusted them and they knew the consequences of breaking rules.
During college, I really never checked on them. Never called them, never gave them a curfew during the summers. All I asked was that they tell me if they weren't coming home for the night. Did they make some wrong choices? Sure, but they learned from them and learned how to stay away from bad situations . They grew up in spite of me.
You're a good Mom, there when they need you, living your own life when they don't.

gary rith

Haha, the lady with 4 kids through school knows what is WHAT! Good for you. I am thinking though, whoa, soon the very empty nest for you huh? Just you and the beagle most of the time?

auntjone

My oldest graduates high school this Saturday and leaves for a month long trip to Germany 3 days later. I am struggling between hanging on for dear life and dancing a jig as he boards the bus for the airport.

falnfenix

LOL WOW. seriously. how would she have survived 15 years ago?

i didn't have a cell phone in high school. most of my classmates didn't. and you know what? our parents survived. we survived. she seems to have forgotten what it was like to be a teenager.

Becky

Go Jenn! The countdown is on. I am actually (kind of) looking forward to Robert's last two years. The stress level is definitely lower then in years past- at least so far ;-). There is life after high school believe it or not.

P.S. Congratulations to Social Butterfly!

Arli

I see many more books and kayak outings in your future!!!!

Becky

P.P.S. I texted both of my older ones from the start of grad night to the AM. This must be a new rule? What can I say...the good news is I now go many days at a time without hearing from Chris - Ha!

Yeah, and the worst is getting butt dialed calls from the college kids from who-knows-where in the middle of the night.

Jamie

Love it. I was right there at this time last year. I did initially miss some of things that I was involved with (through them). And then I got over it and started loving doing what *I* wanted to do. Whenever I want to do it.

Aunt Snow

Goodness! I think I let go more than that mom when my kid was six and went to a single night sleepaway YMCA camp for the first time.

Jenrantsraves

Oooooh, scared of you! ;) BTW, any job that requires getting up at 4:30 am cannot be called "easy" in my book. As someone just about to start the volunteer stage, I would love to talk more about this subject. Have you made a lot of friends doing it? Do you get to know more about what is going on at the school? What jobs should I avoid? Oh, heck, can you just write a post on it?!

Brightside-Susan

I do recall those feelings at the end of the last high school year. In fact, I remember checking off each "last time I have to..." I was sooo done - and having that 5 year span between the older ones and the last one made it tougher. Volunteering was worth it - but glad it is over.

Not sure what parents like that mom think they are doing...just seems like kids are bound to be more secretive if you are on top of them all the time.

Deb D

I'm LOL because I had that conversation with myself - (although in my defence the grad party wasn't supervised for reasons I won't get into). I came to the same conclusion although I didn't sleep terribly well (the unsupervised part above).

Probably the thing I enjoyed most about them both being done high school and in school elsewhere was that I could do what I wanted to do with my free time.

PFisher

You're probably the first person to provide a reality check. Good job. This is the safest he'll be for the next 4 years.....

Little Miss Sunshine State

Those same helicopter Moms will be at college orientation asking the same dumb questions about "how will my child be supervised in the dorm" and "how can I be sure the shuttle bus will run on time" (that was from the Mom of a girl who weighed about 300 pounds. She should have been encouraging her daughter to WALK to classes). I was humiliated for their kids.

I'm in your camp. If your kids aren't responsible by the time they're 18, you've slacked off on raising them.

I wasn't involved when they were in high school. After co-op preschool and room mom duties in elementary school I was a little bit burned out.I was also very involved in SG's dance studio parent's group.

I was VERY thankful for the parents who did get involved to make sure the teens activities were safe.

Jocelyn

I'm getting my "I Heart Jenn" tshirt silkscreened today.

Susan Walker

Yes, it's for certain: I love you.

Lisa

I want one of the "I <3 Jen" shirts. I am not a parent BUT for the love of God....let go. If you didn't do the job right in 18 years, you are not going to get it done before they leave for college. Roots and wings. Let them make a mistake, clean it up or call for help...but let them do it. Have a "friend" whose daughter is in med school, mummy is still helicopter parents. God help this would be Dr.

Nike Air Max

It's wonderful that you are all talking everything through. I have no doubt that your focus is on the endgame. The love shines through in your posts. Thinking of you all...

free to-do list

Its a great post.i will definitely share it with my friends.
http://www.taskcanon.com

Sunshine Coast Latin Dance

“Robot. Is. Sad. Because silly bitch. Will. Not. Dance.”

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