Eating Disorder Chronicles: The Second Blink

March 1, 2012 I disclosed my youngest daughter had anorexia. I said it happened in the blink of an eye. That it came out of the blue. That I never saw it coming.

A year later I am older and so much wiser. So while relapse happened in the blink of any eye, it wasn't totally out of the blue and I sure anticipated it might come.

You  may remember that several days ago we had a lovely brunch with friends. It was an occasion very much of the eat, drink and be merry type. Social Butterfly partook of said eating, drinking and merriment; sadly and scarily, enjoying food is a trigger for someone with anorexia. 

Tuesday night I walked in the door; Mr. Fix-it was home and said SB was in her room. My spidey-sense kicked in immediately. it's just not SB's m.o. to be off by herself at 5:30 p.m. when there are people home. She was snuggled under the covers, watching a movie on her laptop.

Hey, I said lightly, how about we check your weight?

It was not SB that answered me, it was anorexia.

Sure, it replied flippantly, no problem. It will be down though; I've been restricting since Sunday. The answer was tossed off with a laugh, the number on the scale--129--eliciting a "whatcha gonna do about that?!" look.

Much like Elvis once left the building, my daughter's personality had vacated her brain, squeezed out by eating disordered thoughts which are notorious for their meanness and cunning.

I sat on her bed, conversing with anorexia, until it was very clear that a tipping point had been reached and neither she nor I had the werewithal to pull her out of the abyss. I know the saying, "number one with a bullet," but what is the saying when things are sprialing downward with that same velocity?

That was Tuesday night. Wednesday morning I called the psychatrist. Thursday afternoon we had an appointment. The clinic was closed Friday for the conference, so the decision was made for SB to start the adult program on Monday. 

That meant that SB had three more days before she got help, she was already down 7 lbs. in 5 days, and I was unable and unwilling to watch idly as she starved herself. I wasn't under any illusions that she would eat the 2,000 calories a day that is the bare minimum for someone her height, but neither could or would I accept her eating nothing.

Matter-of-factly, with our family and the doctor, I laid out my plan for the weekend if SB did not choose to eat at least enough to keep her vitals signs strong. I would first take her to Rady Children's Hospital for evaluation; if she was too medically stable to be admitted there, I would have to take her to the adult psychitaric hospital for a 72-hour hold. The doctor mentioned that the San Diego Police Department Psychiatric Emergency Response Team could help with that.

Because I have a lifetime of saying what I mean and meaning what I say behind me, anorexia figured out she had better eat or she would get locked up even if that meant I had to lock my daughter up with her.

It wasn't a lot--fruit, yogurt, almomds, some water--but it was enough for the short-term. It wasn't enough to make driving safe, so she got her shift covered at work.

One thing about anorexia is she seems to know when she's getting bested, so she let SB use most of the brain for the weekend. Despite the current of stress buzzing through everything (and there was a load of everything on the calendar), I got to enjoy my girl. 

SB started treatment yesterday and came home in a great mood, happy with her treatment team and having eaten more yesterday than over the whole long weekend.

There is more I want and will write aobut this situation, but not tonight. Instead, this is what I posted to a FB support group in which I am active.

My daughter is in a bad way. Down 7 lbs. in less than a week. She goes into the UCSD Adult Eating Disorder program Monday. I just hope she doesn't end up hospitalized before that. This was incredibly drastic--just last week her psychiatrist (rightfully) made an appt. for three weeks out.

Since there are always things to be grateful for, these are mine:

We know a place, we know the people, we have the insurance, and we'll find the money. 
Friends! Both my sisterhood of fellow warriors and my amazing group of longtime friends. 
A job that allows me flexibility to get my work done and take care of my daughter. 
That my daughter has a strong family to pull together and be there for her. 
An upcoming wedding to provide lots of incentive--it's not every day you get the opportunity to be a bridesmaid in your sister's wedding.

Also?

Meet LouLou the recocery kitty. LouLou is a boy, but he's not conformng to arbitrary gender-norms like pink is for girls. LouLou seems to be just the kitty cat for the job of giving uncondintional love, serious snuggles and many giggles.

 

 

Comments

[Kate]

Thank goodness she had the presence of mind to know she needed to come home from school when she did.

[The Zadge]

You are a fierce warrior woman/mom. I am so confident about SB's total recovery just because of that.

[Becca]

That bitch Ana doesn't know who she's messing with! Tell SB we ate pulling for her out in innernet land.

[Karen (formerly kcinnova)]

LouLou and an amazing mom (and the rest of the family, too) are going to be rockin' the homefront, and you've got a whole slew of peeps pulling for SB.
Go! Fight! Win!

[lanes]

To Jenn and SB:
Keep up the good fight! It sounds exhausting in so many ways, but it is working and things will get (and stay) better!

To Anorexia:
You have no place here! When are you going to figure that out and slink away?

[Busy Bee Suz]

Jenn=Johnny on the spot. Good job taking care of SB. She will get there....so many hurdles to jump over, but she is an excellent jumper.
LouLou is adorable...what does the Beagle think of him?

[Jen]

I'm glad the first day went well. She is so lucky to have such a great support system.

[Jessie - a different one]

You are a good Momma. SB is lucky to have you in her corner.

[JFS in IL]

Anorexia, you think you have your claws in this kid? Did you not see her MOM keeping an eye on things? You won't win, Anorexia. Not this kid. So go away!

[Cassi]

Thank goodness you are such a strong woman and mother. Sometimes it must be scary to hear anorexia talking instead of your girl.

[Arli]

Glad you're so on top of it, and have all the support and resources to help SB. Now that I know so more about this disease from reading your posts, I fear for all those who don't have what you do.

Wishing you all strength and peace, and many more days like Monday!

[Susan Walker]

I think of you and your daughter so often, Jenn, and wonder how things are going. I am always grateful for an update.

I am so glad you're so strong and on top of things!

Here's to easier days and weeks ahead.

[Jocelyn]

Separating the disease from the person is so smart. Being as good as your word is, too. Together, they give you what you need to get through.

[Gail]

glad SB is getting the help she needs. Lulu is going to be a big cat if he grows into those ears.

[Aunt Snow]

You are a brave and fierce mom. She's so lucky to have you on her side.

[cardinal]

Strength for all of you on this most challenging road.

[Claudia]

You are a strong bunch. Sending you good, healthy thoughts for less stress filled days ahead. Of course, I'm a big fan of the idea of a recovery kitten! So cute!

[Deb D]

How scary. I'm glad SB was home. Lots of good thoughts for both of you.

[momtaxijulie]

Crazy scary ((hugs))

[Deb]

Keeping you in my thoughts and hoping for a good turn around.

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