Juggling Life

Day 100!

I didn't do a 100th post because a couple of them were correction and addendum posts(before I used Live Writer), which I figure really shouldn't count. Because I always like to be on the up and up, I figured the unwritten rule book, which I've gleaned from other peoples blogs, meant 100 real posts. For me, that meant day 100. Which should be April 2, if my math is right. I cannot even believe I've only been doing this since Christmas Day 2007. And I have actual readers. I imagine that there are many people toiling away on their blogs after day 100 with a handful of friends and family reading them. But friends, I got lucky. Lucky in a big way.

I happened to be reading Derfwad Manor virtually as Mrs. G put out the word on the first Slow Cook Thursday. Never one to miss an opportunity, I composed and sent my Slow Cook Thursday post within the hour. I got the call-back before she'd even written the interview questions. I won the blog lotto--I was Mrs. G's first Slow Cook Thursday. The rest as they say, is history.

I also have to thank the lovely and intellectual Mary Alice from From The Frontlines who not only offered me early encouragement, she was my first commenter. Plus, she's a fellow "non-traditional" student with 3 teenagers at home, so she's my soul sister.

Okay, enough about the amazing, wonderful, blogger-to-whom-I-shall-be-eternally-grateful, Mrs. G.; on to me. In the grand tradition of the blogosphere, I give you 100 things about me on day 100 of Juggling Life. As an aside, if I thought I was juggling life before I started this blog, I was seriously deluded.

1. I was a natural blonde as a child; I'm still a blonde, it's just not natural.

2. I am an oldest child. Well, except for my dad's various love children, but I don't really know them so it doesn't count.

3. I was so painfully shy as a child that today I would probably be diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder today.

4. I had an epiphany at 14 that everyone else was just as terrified as me and that if I could be the one to make the first move they would be so happy they'd be my friend. I was right.

5. I got married at 23.

6. My husband and I started saving for retirement the day we got married.

7. I believe in having the best and most insurance you can afford.

8. I am a very strict parent.

9. But not as strict as I used to be.

10. I don't think I've ever been bored with my life.

11. I've never traveled out of North America, but I will someday.

12. The 80's were the party decade. I was in my late teens and 20's in the 80's. You do the math.

13. I was the biggest procrastinator in the world as a child.

14. I never procrastinate as an adult.

15. I never did my homework as a child.

16. I always do my homework now.

17. I'm terrified that my son will repeat my 18 year old mistake of thinking I was too smart to need to study in college just because I never had to do it in high school.

18. I have food issues.

19. I am a very good cook.

20. I am 44 and have lost half my birth family to cancer. That scares me.

21. I exercise 5 days a week. It hasn't made me thinner, but it does make me feel better.

22. The only time I've ever been depressed was when I had an adverse reaction to a common antibiotic. The depression lasted 5 days before the doctor figured out what the problem was. For the first time in my life I could relate to people who had thoughts of suicide. This incident left me with great empathy and respect for people who have to fight that fight.

23. My husband thinks I'm funny.

24. My kids are not convinced.

25. I am a loyal and true friend.

26. I am a problem-solver extraordinaire.

27. I am a good speller. I have a chalkboard in my brain on which I can write words. I didn't realize not everyone did not have that until Big Red (not a good speller) was in 3rd grade, and the teacher informed me he did not possess the brain chalkboard.

28. My favorite artist is Gustav Klimt.

29. I love quilts and quilting shows. Someday I will learn to quilt.

30. I like music but I'm not one of those people who cannot live without music.

31. I'm a huge fan of National Public Radio.

32. A.M. talk radio makes we want to drive my car into a brick wall.

33. I am fastidious about my oral health and have my teeth cleaned every 3 months.

34. I'm a neat freak, but not a germophobe. I totally think a little of the right kind of bacteria boosts your immune system.

35. I like to camp. Backpacking, not so much.

36. I count my blessings every night before I go to sleep.

37. When I was a little girl in Santa Monica, I was constantly mistaken for Tatum O'Neal. I ended up just giving autographs.

38. I love my blog--and probably your blog too!

39. I didn't used to be a big animal person, but Danger Boy changed me. Now I will always have a beagle.

40. I'm not much of an artist myself, but I am a good art teacher for children.

41. I can be crafty.

42. I'm pretty vain.

43. I would rather my hair be stylish than pretty.

44. If I wasn't going to be a teacher, I think I'd be a pretty good lawyer.

45. I'm personally conservative and socially liberal.

46. When my kids were younger, I took them swimming every single day from April through October.

47. I've never been able to be part of any organization and not end up with a leadership position of some sort.

48. I will never be the treasurer of any organization.

49. I have number dyslexia. Don't laugh, it's real. I once owed the IRS a whopping fine because I wrote them a check for $18.00 instead of $81.00.

50. I hate to sell things.

51. I played Field Hockey in high school.

52. My parents used to take books away from me as punishment.

53. I used to ride my bike by O.J. Simpson's Brentwood house on the way to Baskin-Robbins.

54. I hate string cheese. I love all other cheeses.

55. My favorite flower is Bearded Iris.

56. I clean whenever I talk on the phone.

57. I am not a morning person. I used to be a late-night person, but now I'm really more of a middle-of-the-day person.

58. When I cook I almost always cook extra and freeze the leftovers.

59. I tried to cut my boys' hair once. It was a disaster. Thank goodness they were too young to remember it.

60. If I come from a trip (to the mall or the East Coast) to a dirty house, my head will explode. It has happened.

61. I didn't do laundry for almost 5 years after I got married. I was in a car accident about 3 weeks after our wedding; my husband had to do the laundry and it just became a habit.

62. My husband and I are raising our kids to know the value of a dollar and to have a strong work-ethic.

63. I love to take photographs of children and sports.

64. I've worked outside the home for 5 to 10 hours a week for 17 years. I think it's been great to have that, and not just for the money.

65. I love jewelry. My husband loves to buy jewelry. It works.

66. I lived in Mazatlan for 6 months when I was five.

67. I have my mother's features and my father's coloring.

68. Even though I did not grow up knowing my biological father very much, I am shocked by the ways in which we are similar.

69. In the last year I lost a sister, but regained a relationship with a stepsister. That relationship means the world to me.

70. I am strong.

71. My drink is a Vodka Collins.

72. I read James Michener's Centennial in one weekend when I was sixteen. (The only other thing I did that weekend was go the bathroom a couple of times).

73. I drink a lot of water, I always have. Probably 80 oz. a day.

74. If I get up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom, I brush my teeth.

75. I've never tried to be a perfect parent. I'm content to be a good enough parent--I think it's better for me and for my kids.

76. I told my mom I was going all-night roller skating at Aquarius Rollerena every Saturday night of my senior year in high school. I've never been all night roller skating.

77. I check up on my teenagers. See above.

78. I've never had any surgery; well, except for oral surgery.

79. I love going to the movies. When my husband and I were first married, we sometimes went to 3 movies a week. We'll do it again once the nest is empty.

80. My favorite place to vacation with my family is Mammoth Lakes, in the summer.

81. I ride a mountain bike down from the top of the mountain once every summer. That's enough. The rest of the time I like to go around a lake. Little ups and little downs are more my speed,.

82. I am a laundry savant. I can get the stains out of anything. My family and friends call me the "Queen of Laundry." It's not ideal, but at least I'm the queen of something.

83. The song "Seasons in the Sun" by Terry Jacks still makes me cry. Yes, I know it's a pretty lame song.

84. I was the shortest person in my family as a kid and I'm the shortest person in my family today. They frequently mock me.

85. It is not unheard of for me to lose my temper.

86. I still feel badly about a very funny, but very mean, thing I said in the 8th grade. Yes, I've apologized for it.

87. I think life's too short to hold a grudge. That philosophy is why I have a relationship with my biological father.

88. My step dad walked me down the aisle. He and my mother were divorced by then.

89. I am frugal, but not cheap.

90. I've kept the same houseplant alive for over 20 years. My husband and I bought it for our first apartment.

91. My friends think I should give assertiveness-training classes.

92. I don't get sad when my kids are leaving a stage behind; I get excited about what's ahead for them.

93. I have always been happy, but I'm really happy now.

94. I am super competitive, but I can laugh at myself about it. 

95. My favorite color is cobalt blue.

96. I love organizing things.

97. Thanksgiving and Fourth of July are my favorite holidays.

98. I am an extrovert.

99. My nose is crooked from where it was broken when a scooter fell on it when I was eight. I had the chance to have it fixed when I was a teenager, but I wouldn't have been able to swim for most of the summer, so I passed. I'm glad I did.

100. I used to be a Diet Coke addict. Now I'm 95% soda and caffeine-free.

Wow, that was harder than I thought it would be. If you made it to the bottom, I appreciate your interest!

The Purse Post

I was tagged by Jamie at Choosing My Own to post the contents of my purse--I was one of her "veteran mom" picks. I was grateful for the opportunity because I'm pretty pleased with my purse system. I can't take full credit for it though, I heard about it from Joy Behar, who got it from Hillary Clinton.

Back when I was "just" a SAHM I rarely changed purses, and certainly not on a day-to-day basis. But then I went back to school and started student teaching. Since I wasn't wearing flip-flops and jeans every day, I needed to consider the color of the outfit and the shoes I was wearing and coordinate the purse.

These are the purses/bags I use most often. I also have a pink purse and a multi-color Indian bag I throw into the rotation when it's actual summer.

 

On the left we have the tote bag--used for hauling school books and teacher stuff.

In the center is the everyday Dooney and Burke.

On the right is the totally cool and roomy bag that I bought for $12.99 at Marshalls.

Now my bags are big, but I don't really carry that much stuff in them. I just like the way big bags look. Any ideas what that says about me, Blog This Mom!?

Now for the system . . .

 

The large bag contains:

Wallet (with Driver's License, AAA card, Costco Card, Student ID, Debit Card, Amex and minimal cash)

MAC Amoroso lipstick, Neutrogena Lip Boost, Almay Powder, Reading Glasses, Pentel Mechanical Pencil, Pilot Precison V5 Extra Fine Point Pen, Reading Glasses, Orbit Cinnamon Gum

The small bag contains:

Unlabeled Prescription Bottle containing: Ibuprofen, Claritin, Gas-X, Benadryl, Lomotil, and Tenex. I can probably cure what ails you, but don't attempt to identify the tablets on your own!

Tweezers, Two Tampons, Lotion, Zicam Nasal Spray (miracle cold stopper), Oil Absorbing Sheets

When I switch bags, I just toss these bags into the purse/tote of my choosing and I'm ready to go!

Okay, I still have to add:

Prescription glasses for night driving, cell phone, and sunglasses

But that's it. Literally a matter of seconds. All three of my bags are kept in the staging area by the garage door that holds backpacks and schoolbooks, so I switch as I walk out the door.

I keep an index box in my car for receipts; that way I don't stuff my wallet full of them, but still have them if I need to return anything.

So, as they say at Capitol One . . . "What's in your wallet?" Or rather, your purse?!

 

Danger Boy Turns 15!

Fifteen years ago today a very complicated boy was born. When you have a child who is difficult spirited, and you read everything there is to know about difficult spirited children, you will hear again and again that their births are very different from that of the other children in the family. I think you'll all most of you will understand what I'm talking about when I say, "from 2 centimeters to delivery in 1 hour." 'Nuff said?

Danger Boy was rolling over by 5 weeks, crawling at 4 months, getting himself to a sitting position at 5 months, walking the day he turned 8 months, and running at 8 months 1 day. He had his first stitches at 8 + 1/2 months.

  In this picture, from his aunt & uncle's wedding, his brother is holding on to him to prevent him from running away.

DB loved water from his very first bath. Remember the swimming baby in the movie Endless Love?

DB started jumping off the high dive at our swim club when he was 2. It seemed like a good idea at the time; now I wonder what the hell I was thinking letting him do that. Maybe I just liked to see the panic in the eyes of the other moms when he started up the ladder (I do have a teeny-weeny sadistic streak). The lifeguards all knew and loved DB;  he was sort of their mascot.

DB has always loved animals, and they have always loved him. My mom had a Brittany Spaniel named Amy. She and DB spent so much time tongue-kissing that DB thought his real name was Amy! Luke! Stop!

Since Tourette Syndrome, and neurological difficulties in filtering noise, have really shaped who DB is, I have to talk a little bit about it. DB is (in my humble opinion) seriously handsome. He is also a gifted athlete, and  smart. Remember those boys in high school that just knew they were all that and a bag of potato chips too? When DB was little I worried that might be him--everything came so easily to him. Then, two weeks before kindergarten started, came explosive-onset Tourette Syndrome (probably PANDAS). We didn't know it was TS for almost 5 years, because stuttering was his vocal tic, and the speech therapist thought his tics were secondary symptoms related to that (long story, different post).

In addition to the difficulties that TS brings, I think it also brought some positives. DB is very empathetic and kind. He is learning, and has learned, that he must know himself, and be able to recognize when he needs to give himself a break. I'm very proud of the fact that even though TS can make it very difficult to control your temper, he has never gotten in any trouble at school. He may fall apart the minute he walks in the door, but  that's what home is for sometimes.

One of Danger Boy's hidden talents is his writing. Well, his families and his teachers know, but it's not really a "guy" thing to go on about. When he was in fourth-grade he wrote a story that included this line, in a sci-fi story, "Acids plume from newborn mouths." I have yet to write a line that good. DB actually had a blog before I did. You know how you don't want to tell your kids what to be when they grow up, but you really, really hope they'll be X? Yeah, it's like that.

DB played a lot of sports in his day, and one thing everyone that has ever seen him play anything has said is that "he is a true competitor." Well, when he was slide-tackling in soccer when he was 5 years old some of the other moms said things like "WTF?" And when he knocked down the 2nd baseman in coach pitch and said, "What? I was breaking up the double-play?" there may have been some moms who thought he might be a bit too competitive. But the coaches all loved him!

His sport today is water polo, and it truly is his sport (okay, his and his older brother's). You don't play water polo if you don't want to mix it up a little, so DB and WP are a perfect fit. He's played on two Junior Olympic teams, and was captain of the novice team for his high school this year. He also played J.V., in all the Varsity tournaments, and on the C.I. F. team. He may not have the biggest body in the pool, but he's got the biggest heart.

 

DB had a rough beginning to his freshman year of high school. In true DB style, he worked out the kinks and is using his considerable skills of self-discipline to make sure his counselor looks at his second semester report card and does a double-take while rubbing his eyes in disbelief.

Happy Birthday, Danger Boy!

You always keep us on our toes. We're so proud of your thoughtfulness, your perseverance, and your wacky and wonderful mind.

 

 

P.S. You've heard the sayings about a boy and his dogs? This is the boy and these are his dogs.

In Which Danger Boy Gets His Nickname

We moved into our current house when Danger Boy was 28 months old. We'd already had some adventures with him--a couple of sets of stitches--that sort of thing. So we knew we should keep a close eye on him. We just hadn't learned that it wasn't just supervision he needed; he needed an actual Guardian Angel.  Apparently he has one.                                                                                                                              

One sunny summer day I decided to put Social Butterfly in her jogger stroller and let DB ride his Big Wheel. At the end of our street is a canyon. Our My intent was not to go into the canyon, but to the end of the street and back home.

There was a problem though. DB was fast, very fast. It was at this point that I had the thought, "He wouldn't ride down the hill, would he?" So I began to run.

 

Alas, I was not nearly as fast as DB on a Big Wheel. I arrived just in time to see this:

Yes, dear readers and (mostly) fellow moms, I watched my 2 + 1/2 year old son ride his Big Wheel down the hill (which looks much less steep in this photo than it is), hit a tree, and bounce off.

That was scary. What happened next was scarier. He stood up, grinned, and said, "THAT WAS FUN! DO IT AGAIN?!"

We took to dressing DB like this:

                                                                                         Just in case!

And when it was time for him to ride a real bike (he took off the training wheels at 3 years 1 month) we had him wear this:

The Early Years

The idea for this post was blatantly stolen from inspired by Mrs. G. After reading her post on Sally Kellerman, and her reflections on her youthful self, it got me thinking. I never cry anymore. Well I do about really big things, like people dying. Okay, okay, I also cry at episodes of Intervention on A&E when little girls beg their daddy to go to rehab. But other than that, I'm pretty stoic. It did not always used to be that way.

Mrs. G made the point that she might have been a little bit of a bitch self-indulgent in her youth, and I think many people agreed with her. I know I did. Aside from being a nicer, more empathatic person than I was in my callow youth, I would have to say I am also decidedly less emotional. So in Mrs. G's spirit of making amends from the past, I would like to apologize to my husband for the behavior of this woman:

My don't we look young? We met when I was 16 and he was 17. We got married at 23 & 24. So I guess we were young!

My husband comes from a family of givers-of-the-silent-treatment. I come from a family of raving lunatics. Raving lunatics who believed in airing our problems--usually in a loud, dramatic way. I lived in fear of what would happen if we didn't discuss and resolve all our problems, be they large or small. If he didn't agree, their would be much weeping and gnashing of the teeth on my part. Frankly I'm not quite sure why he put up with it.

To quote Johnny Depp, as Sweeney Todd, "The years no doubt have changed me." I'm not sure when exactly it happened, but I believe I am now clinically sane. We grew together; he learned to express himself a little more, and I realized I didn't need to express myself quite so vehemently or frequently. And lo, contentment began to reign.

There are ups and downs to getting old aging maturing, but I'd have to say the benefits (at least so far) outweigh the downs. It was pretty darn stressful to care so damn much about every little thing.

Communication is key to a successful marriage, but I'd have to say overcommunication can be a pain in the ass.

So to Mr. Fix-it I say this, I'm sorry for all the late night discussions. Thanks for sticking around while I grew up!   

P.S. No matter what I do, I can't get the text to  line up properly. Sorry!                

Divorce . . . 70's style

I am making preparations to fly to Washington state for a final visit with my sister, who has cancer. She has at most a month or two left. It would be sad no matter what, but particularly so for a 41 year old mother. To say our relationship is complicated would be understating the situation by a lot. My oldest daughter, B, is actually my sister's child that my husband and I raised (a story for another day). B, my stepsister, T, and I are going together to see my sister, as we did this summer. My sister's situation has me reflecting upon my childhood, and in particular how my sisters and I were split apart.

My stepsister, T, and I were close as children, and we are very close today. But, there is a period of about 25 years (yes, we're old!) when we had very little contact. How did that happen? I'm going to have to say it was divorce . . . 70's style. My mom and stepdad and  T's mom and stepdad divorced at the same time, when we (T, her sister D, my sister, L, and myself) were in our early teens. Apparently it didn't occur to the adults involved that they were not just divorcing, they were causing the divorce of four girls who had spent their childhoods together. Four girls who giggled under the covers way past lights out, shared the hatch of a Datsun 240z on car trips (no seatbelts!), camped together, wore matching Halloween costumes, fought over doing the dishes, had snowball fights and sledded at our grandparents/ stepgrandparents cabin, waterskiied at the Colorado river, and were just generally SISTERS. Once the parents separated, we girls were never even offered the opportunity to see each other.

I don't know if it's by chance or luck, but our circle of friends has not been touched by divorce (yet?) Most of our friends, and our kid's friend's parents, are around the 20 years married mark. So I don't know firsthand how families are handling divorce these days. But I would expect that today's parents are a lot more enlightened about considering the psyches of their children. I certainly hope so. Divorce is never painless, but I'm sure it works out better if the adults involved consider all the ramifications it will have on the children involved, even if the children are not related by blood. Looking back, I'm not sure why all of us girls just blindly accepted our situation. Again, I'm going to blame it on the 70's--you did what your parents said and you didn't ask a lot of questions. I'm sure my children would be voicing their opinions clearly loudly! And thank goodness for that.

Losing someone close to you really causes you to reflect on, and analyze, your life. I'm generally not given to a whole lot of introspection, but if feels good to have gotten these thoughts on paper blogosphere.

My first post . . . or why am I doing this?!

I've been lurking exploring the blogosphere for about six months, on and off. I love the variety of people and writing that is out there. I was surprised at how much I enjoy reading about other people's lives. Then I looked into it further and was shocked to find that people can actually make money off their blogging endeavors. As I said to my (four) kids, "Getting paid to voice opinions and talk about yourself and your family? How have I not known about this?! That's what you always give me grief about doing!" I don't expect to get paid any time soon, and who knows if anyone will ever want to read this, but I thought I'd give it a shot. I believe it was Mrs. G over at Derfwad Manor who decided to do this in order to get in the habit of daily writing--sounds like a good reason to me.

Why did I choose "Juggling Life" as my blog name? As a "non-traditional" college student (back to school at 40-something), part-time pharmacy technician, mom of four--B, (girl young woman, age 22, recent college grad--on her own now!, J1 (17, boy, senior in high school, getting ready for college), J2 (boy, age 14, high school freshman), Little K (13, girl, baby of the family), wife to D, recovering compulsive volunteer and (non-recovering) neat freak I really thought the title fit. That's who I, Jenn, am--just another suburban wife/mom/person who is "juggling life."

In my ramblings in the blogosphere, I've found that many of the people whose blogs I really enjoy (Dooce, Redsy, Sunset Pig)have/had issues with depression or alcohol. I don't have any of these issues. I do however, come from a family that is rife with all manner of mental illness (more on that subject later). I wondered, "Can a really happy, sunny side of life person like myself be as interesting and introspective as these women are? Does anyone want to hear from someone who has actually found raising four kids to be mostly fun, and not really overwhelming? Can I say I think raising kids, having been a SAHM, and enjoying teen-agers, marriage and life in the 'burbs is fun and not come off like a prig?" We'll find out I suppose.

While looking for juggling metaphors that might work for my blog, I came across this . . .

So next time you see a juggler
See not just the clever tricks
There's a very happy person
Behind those balls and knives and sticks

I think that just might say it all.