Juggling Life

The Eating Disorder Chronicles: Happy Mother's Day

This post is dedicated to the mothers (past and present) of the patients at the UCSD Eating Disorder Treatment Program--K, A, Y, R, T, S, V, H and the rest of the crew. You know who you are.

 

This Mother's Day I want to celebrate some of the most amazing mothers I have ever met in my life. Just as our children never knew how strong they were until they had to do battle with the Beast--their eating disorder--I would venture to say most of us moms didn't know our own strength until our children's lives were on the line.

We are strong.

We are committed.

We will triumph.

While it is only our children that can vanquish the monster, we are the ones that send them into battle with all the weapons we can muster. The battle against ED is waged with weight gain--hard fought for pounds that only come on when we, their mothers (which is not to discount what the dads do, but this is Mother's Day), make sure the food goes and stays down. Our part of this fight is waged with heavy cream and patience and vigilance in equal measure.

And love, oh-so-much love.

It's not a club I would have set out to join, but since I wasn't give a choice I am grateful for my compatriots.

Happy Mother's Day, ladies.

 

 

 

Eating Disorder Chronicles: Counting Blessings

Saturday marked the beginning of Social Butterfly's fourth week of treatment. We spent the day as we do all our Saturdays now--with other adolescents with eating disorders and their families. It's more fun than it sounds.

Every week I am struck by the brilliance of these amazing, insightful, brave, resilent teens. This is not hyperbole; if you were a fly on the wall, you would be awestruck by some of the things you hear come out of the mouths of these kids.

Wise beyond their years is a cliche that hints at the wisdom hidden beneath the outer shell of leggings, shaggy hair, streaks of color, heavy eye makeup and friendship bracelets.

Now, maybe these kids were this smart and insightful all along. I don't know. I do know that in all the times I've carpooled and hosted sleepovers and eavesdropped on movie nights I have never heard teens speak like this. It's probably because they were more intent on having fun than engaging in life-saving psychoanalysis, but still.

Still, I am counting my getting to hear--really and truly hear with both my heart and mind--what these kids have to say as a blessing this eating disorder has brought into my life.

The youth of today?

If this is a sampling of the whole group, I'm okay with turning the reins of this country over to them someday.

 

 

Eating Disorder Chronicles: Telling It Like It Is

Our family has chosen to be very public about Social Butterfly's eating disorder, anorexia nervosa: restrictive type. It started with SB and Mr. Fix-it encouraging me to write about it on this blog; once it was on the blog, it didn't make any sense not to tell people in real life.

Our reasons for being open are two-fold. First, we would only try to hide something we were ashamed of and why would we be ashamed that our daughter has this disease? It's an illness, not a moral failing. Secondly, keeping secrets is hard work--and we've already got some very hard work on our plate, thank you very much. We need our energy to fight ED, not to keep secrets.

I realize our approach may not feel comfortable to everyone, but I would ask people to at least consider it. Quite simply, it is one less thing to worry about at a time when we could use one less thing to worry about.

Social Butterfly has spoken directly to a couple of people, but that SB's giving me and Peanut the go-ahead to tell people means that she doesn't have to tell everyone herself. What a relief that is for her. Because her friends know what's going on with her, and know they're supposed to know, they can support her with text messages and Tweets.

When I am with friends, I can be me and get the support and/or distraction that I need.

The biggest bonus to not keeping SB's eating disorder a secret is that we have already seen, through this blog and real life, we have helped others that are struggling and may not even have realized exactly exactly what their struggle was.

 

Eating Disorder Chronicles: Week One

Many of you expressed surprise that Social Butterfly's program is so intense--6 days a week. I admit that when I first thought of a program, I was picturing a couple of nights a week for 4 hours a night. But this? Makes so much more sense. These kids cannot get better until they eat and the only way they'll eat is to be made to--by wonderful therapists and stalwart parents. And believe me, the stalwart parents are thankful to have the professionals to work with as a team. It wasn't always this way and if you want to read an excellent memoir from the pioneering days of Maudsley/Family Based Therapy treatment, pick up Brave Girl Eating by Harriet Brown.

Words I've heard used to describe Social Butterfly's first week in the program: Amazing, fantastic, excellent.

I agree with all of them.

I also agree with the lack of inclusion of "easy." There were some difficult meals, some fairly easy meals and then there was a horrible, terrible, no good, very bad meal. Things were thrown, curse words were spewed. But . . . food was also eaten. Yep, that goes in the win column.

I believe that Friday night was so bad because the ED senses it's losing and it is was fighting back like a cornered feral cat.

On Saturday, we both reset at family day. As I said to SB, "Can you believe we've only known these people one week?" We are all soliders fighting a similar enemy and we are bonded in fear, hope and feeding.

We went shopping after Program and I bought her a couple of skirts; she wants to refresh her wardrobe, but is reluctant to buy pants because growing out of them will be traumatic, but something she must do to get healthy. She looks stunning in the maxi skirts that are so popular now; she has one gray and navy striped one and I got her two new skirts, simple black, and a pleated peach crepe. They're perfect.

The best thing that happened this weekend is that Social Butterfly and Peanut went on a hike at a nearby state park. Peanut has been the most amazing friend a girl could have through all of this and now that SB is coming out of the social withdrawal that characterizes ED, I get to have her around the house again; SB and I have both missed her immensely.

Undoubtedly, we will face more bumps in the road before we get to the highway marked "recovered," but I don't doubt for a moment we will make it there.

Thank's so much to everyone for reading and commenting and the outpouring of support. It does help.

                     The daily doodle, SB's own art therapy.

 

 

Eating Disorder Chronicles: Warning Signs: They were there

The full list of warning signs of an Eating Disorder is over at the F.E.A.S.T. website. I'm going to talk about those that we noticed in Social Butterfly.

This is how it started . . .

Dieting: Yep--and a very healthy, sensible diet it was, too. Exactly what Weight Watcher's would have told her to do.

New interest in food and cooking: It started with an interest in cooking healthy food for the two of us to enjoy together, but it morphed into obsessive watching of the Food Network, countless hours cruising food pins on Pinterest and the baking. You've seen the evidence of the baking. Damn, that girl can bake.

This was the bounty of GrownUpGirl's birthday care package. Not pictured are the lemon cake pops with white chocolate frosting. SB made these treats over the course of two days.

 A Whole Bunch of Signs Lumped Together: She began to restrict what she ate, which meant she was adamantly opposed to restaurants. Then her food choices narrowed day by day until by the time she went into the program breakfast was one hard-boiled egg, lunch was a large bowl of fruit and dinner was a large salad with some diced chicken (at my insistence) and fat-free dressing. "No," was the answer to do you want anything not on that list.

Anger: She did not appreciate the suggestion that what she was eating was not enough. She tried her hand at manipulating the doctor, but neither the doctor or I let her get away with it.

Social Withdrawal: She had plausible and logical explantations for her gradual withdrawal from socializing outside the home, but now she and I both know it is/was part of the disorder taking over.

The Proof: Her doctor gave 10 days to NOT lose any weight at all. SB tried, my goodness she tried. The doctor had suggested eating an additional food at each meal and SB did that. She also tracked on paper what she was eating. It wasn't hard. Breakfast became an egg and several blueberries. Lunch was an open-face sandwich of wheat toast, hummus and sliced tomatoes with a small fruit salad and the dinner salad had some fruit added and a little more chicken.

The Last Straw: The doctor and I already knew SB was going into treatment, but this is when SB knew. The day she spent several hours in the E.R. after having fainted twice due to orthostatic hypotension (low blood pressure upon standing). They couldn't even get blood to do labs until they'd reyhydrated her--going through a vein on her wrist.

How She Looked: Honestly, people thought she looked great. If she was a model they would have told her to lose 10 lbs. Her close friends and family could see that she was too thin, but a stranger would have just been envious of her clothes-hanger frame.

The Bottom Line: The transition from a healthy "lifestyle change" to an eating disorder was about four weeks. The last four weeks were spent monitoring worsening symptoms and handling the situation so that SHE would realize she had an eating disorder and not think that her doctor and her parents were overreacting.

What I Think Made a Difference: Her doctor, her father, her friend and I all expressed our concerns early on. It has been my experience in this life that you can never go wrong with communication. I may not always prevent problems, but you have to have it to solve problems.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Nesting

Mr. Fix-it flew in Friday and San Diego put on its best performance of an early spring day to greet him. The sky was bright blue and a warm breeze was blowing. I had on stylish earrings and smelled nice; it was a lovely homecoming.

Social Butterfly stayed home while I went to the airport so she could time her banana bread (his absolute favorite baked good) to come out of the oven right when he got home.

Saturday we made last-minute plans with our friends Jim and Sandra. Last-minute plans are pretty much the only kind that work with the four of us due to MFI's schedule and the fact that Jim is an airline pilot and is on call or gone on many weekends.

Because we've crossed over to the slightly older side of middle age, we saw a movie at 4:45 and then had dinner after the movie. The movie was "This Means War" and while it started slowly and was really predictable, I did laugh quite a bit--I'll take that. Dinner was sushi and it was fantastic food at a really reasonable price-especially considering the amount of Kirin on the tab. The evening was over at 9; 25 years ago that would have meant the evening was a bust, but now it means it was a wonderful time.

Sunday was laundry, yard work, baking, lesson prep and the gym; the three of us did various combinations of the aforementioned; I love that kind of day.

My life definitely has a rhythm that varies with whether or not my husband is home. I tend to go out a lot when he's not home and then I'm happy to settle in and be a homebody when he returns. He's starting to find more things to do on his weekend in Salt Lake City, which is great. It's still not the schedule we'd prefer, but I do think we make it work fairly well.

Most of you are off today for President's Day, so enjoy! I'll be working, but that's okay--I had Valentine's Day off while everyone else worked, so fair is fair.

How was your weekend? What are your plans for today?

 

 

 

 

It's a Wonderful Day in the Neighborhood . . .

Saturday was grey and cloudy. As a native San Diegan I don’t really do grey and cloudy—I’m outside on enough sunny days that a grey day is a signal to stay inside with the Internet or a good book. That’s what I did with the first few hours of my day. Then, at one o’clock, Social Butterfly and I headed to the mall. We had some money on a Sears gift card to spin (Sears truly sucks, by the way*) and I also wanted to make sure to spend a few dollars at JC Penney to let them know I appreciate their decision to act with integrity in the Ellen Degeneres situation.

SB took off with Peanut to go catch a water polo game in Irvine (somebody asked SB if it was a girls’ game or guys’ game and she said, “Guys, duh.”). I decided that I would brave the overcast to walk the dog before cooking dinner for my friend Heidi. I wrangled the dog into the harness—she gets excited when the leash comes out-- then put on a warm coat, and off we went.

The thing about a grey day in San Diego is that often times the sun will peak out for part of the day; I stepped outside to a sun-bathed suburbanscape, mellow in the late afternoon light. February begins spring for us, so flowers are beginning to bloom.

I catalogued the delights of my walk because I felt myself a latter-day, and female, Mr. Rogers—lightly tripping down the street exchanging pleasantries with all and sundry.

Our mail carrier of many years, Dave, had just returned to our route after having left due to being bumped in some seniority realignment. I felt lucky to be able to flag him down and tell him how I overjoyed I was to have him back. I think he was appropriately delighted to hear that.

I got to admire and coo over the neighbor’s new(ish) baby and let her know how much I love it when her older son comes down to the cul-de-sac to shoot hoops in the basketball net Santa brought the kids in 1995, our first Christmas in this house.

My dog got to sniff around four other dogs—as is her personality, she let each one of them know right off the bet that she understood he/she to be the alpha dog and that was okay by her.

At one house, a couple of blocks from home, a darling little girl, in her garage watching her father work on her bike, yelled, “Your dog sure is cute!”

As I hung up the leash and contemplated the dinner preparations I was set to commence, and the evening to follow with a good friend, a bottle of Champagne, and the episodes of Downton Abbey (thank you, Netflix) I was quite satisfied with my quiet, suburban life.

 Dinner was wonderful if I do say so myself--a whole wheat pizza with hummus instead of red sauce and red pepper, onion, sun-dried tomatoes with light mozzarella, a green salad and a fruit salad for dessert with a greek yogurt with brown sugar dressing.

My Brush with Literary Greatness . . . A Book Review and Giveaway Post

The best thing about blogging is the relationships that are formed; it is always special when you are able to continue those relationships "in real life." In my experience meeting bloggers I have, almost universally, felt an instant friendship connection predicated on the fact that most people are quite honest on their blogs.

Last February I got to meet Melissa Westemeier aka Green Girl in Wisconsin.

She's as great as you would think she is from reading her blog.

She's also a published author.

I know. She's living the blogger's dream--the dream that takes a ton of hard work to fulfill.

When she shared that her book had been published and how to pre-order it, I jumped right on it. The book was delivered on December 21 and I had an important decision to make--dive right in or wait until I could read it straight through? I waited.

 My opportunity for uninterrupted reading time came a couple of days after Christmas--I combined it with a bath and some home-baked treats.

 
The cover definitely screams "eat home-baked treats while reading," does it not?

You know what would be really dreadful?

If your blogger/friend wrote a book and had to tell her, "Umm, it was . . . uh, interesting."

Thankfully, will not have to use inventive language to avoid saying what I thought of the book--'cause I loved it!

The novel is as light and frothy, yet filling, as a cream whipped to airy perfection resting atop a thick slice of the best homemade pumpkin pie.

The heroine, Sadie, is believable, lovable in her foibles and you just KNOW you'd be friends with her. The cultural references and touchstones are spot-on--especially if, like Melissa and me, you're a public radio afficionado. If you've ever been to a home-sales party (or, even better, if you've ever sold Pampered Chef)--and who among us has not?--Coddled Cuisine will be familiar to you before the first invitation is sent.

The story is chock-full of love, office politics, friendships, drinking and wardrobe choices. In short, everything great Chick LIt should be.

When the next story in this series comes out (or, better yet, when the fifth one comes out) remember that I told you so. Melissa's got a hit on her hands.

 And I want to put a copy in YOUR hands!

Share a home-party purchase regret (or maybe it was an amazing deal that you use every day)in the comments and I will pick a winner (randomly) to receive a copy.

If you don't win a copy, you should still buy one. Click here!

 

 

 

 

A Tale of Two Photos . . .

 

or, Why I Edit Photos

My friend Heidi (the blonde with the hip glasses) gave her camera to someone to take a picture at a party during the holidays. Don't we look like we're having a good time? I assure you we were. In fact two of us had such a good time that one of us (not me and not Heidi) may never drink again. Cough. Sandra. Cough. (I had a great time, just not a fantastic time.)

Anyway . . .

As I'm sure you've noticed, it appears I made the very misfortunate sartorial choice of wearing a light-colored bra under a black top. I did. My black bra (yep, I only have one) was in the laundry and I thought that since I was wearing a jacket over the camisole all would be well. I didn't count on the fact that when my arms were spread wide, embracing my dear friends, the jacket would gape quite noticeably and the camisole would stretch and, well, you can see for yourself.

I snagged the tagged photo off of FB and did a bit of minor editing.

Voila!

We still have happiness, friendship and the hint of drunken revelry, but no distracting bazooms highlighted by a tragic laundry-induced fashion mistake.

 

2011 To-Do List--Done!

I generally have a mental checklist of things I have to do swirling through my brain. To keep the swirling from evolving into churning, I try to do things as they pop up so I can cross them off the list. I have lived by the adage of never touching a piece of mail twice (if you pick it up, you deal with it) for many years and it has served me well.

There has been one item on my list that never made it to the top of the list, but remained on the list for the last (gulp) four months. When Suzy Soro came to stay with me for BlogHerAdjacent, she brought me a t-shirt. A t-shirt I really wanted.  A t-shirt that showcased her blog. A t-shirt, that once I took a photo of myself in it would provide me with a slot on her sidebar.

Naturally, with that kind of pressure, I wanted the photo to be a good one (also because I'm a bit vain). For a good photo, it's best to have another person man the camera.

Tonight I saw my opening. I showered late, I had makeup on, Social Butterfly was at home and the light outside was mellow (and therefore kind).

The stars were aligned.

So I put on my glitziest chandelier earrings and my t-shirt and handed SB the camera. SB kindly gave me approximately 13 seconds of her time for this silliness.

Snap.

My 2011 Checklist is complete:

• Get a master's degree--check
• Get a job--check
• Get Danger Boy off to college--check
• Take a photo wearing my Hollywood: Where Hot Comes to Die t-shirt--check

Bring on 2012!

Happy New Year's to all!