Juggling Life

Toddler Vs. Teenagers 3: Movie Smackdown

Watching a DVD with your toddler:

Obviously they get to pick the DVD. You're likely to end up with Bob the Builder or something animated with a princess. It will quite possibly be your 9,701st viewing. You don't want to start it too late--no one wants to spend the next day with a mother of a toddler toddler that hasn't had enough sleep. Best not to bring out the snacks--not if you like your couch clean. Do not try to pretend your watching while actually reading or blogging-they're toddlers, not idiots.

Watching a DVD with your teenager:

Realize that since they can now see X-rated movies if they desire there's not really any point in being a censor. Woohoo--it's now totally appropriate to send them to Blockbuster for all 3 discs of Season 3 of Weeds. Have a marathon viewing session in which you watch 15 episodes over 2 days, pausing only to send the teenager out for Mexican food (eaten on the couch). Finish the final episode at 2:00 a.m. Sunday night--what the heck, it's summer and you can both sleep as late as you want the next day.

VS 

In Which I Am A Total Slug (Or Maybe A Sloth)

Let's start with a THANK YOU, I LOVE YOU, YOU'RE A GENIUS! shout out to the amazing and friendly Nap Warden--she is responsible for this great new layout. Click the button on my sidebar to see the possibilities that await you. And all for a price so reasonable you'll be rubbing your eyes in disbelief. I have to share with you her advice to me when I confessed that the character sketch might be totally half-the-size a wee bit more svelte than I actually am. "Here's the thing . . . I always make the figure of the sketch a hottie . . . If you can't be hot on your blog, where can you be? It's the easiest weight you'll ever lose." Truer words were never spoken. As you can see, I took her advice.

 

You may have heard we're having a little heat wave here in California. Now, I'm not going to complain too much. After all, no levees are overflowing and nothing is on fire yet. Besides, I've mentioned before that I'm a glass half-full kind of gal. So let me tell you what's great about having it be 104 degrees outside in June in my backyard and 95 in the house! (June? One week in late August maybe. Labor day, maybe. But JUNE?!)

 

First, a little backstory . . .

 

I'm really going to impress you with my optimistic spirit when I tell you that I don't have central a.c. There are several reasons for this. When we doubled the size of our house in a remodel we put in the ducting for the a.c., but never bought a new unit that could handle the increased square footage; it never seemed worth the $5,000 bucks until Friday good lord, I'd sell my future grandchildren for an air conditioner right now.

 

Also, I don't like air conditioning. I like windows thrown open to the world outside. I like light and airiness and huge windows with no window coverings so your house has that outdoors in the indoors feel. I like to hear birds chirping and children at play and I like not having to yell "Close the door! We can't afford to air condition the whole subdivision!"

 

Additionally, we live on the edge of a canyon. If you open the garage door, the garage/house door, and the back slider we get an awesome breeze. This is enough for us virtually year round. But not this weekend, NOT this weekend AT ALL!

 

Thank goodness, that Mr. Fix-it, in his infinite wisdom and possibly possessing heretofore unknown e.s.p., bought and installed a room air conditioner in our upstairs master suite (I know it sounds pretentious, but the contractor talked me into it and that's what it is). I was a little skeptical at first because it's hideously ugly practical looking and I was going for more of a serene look than Early 21st Century Large Appliance (the walls are a phenomenal sage color that doesn't show up on camera).

This picture doesn't really do the unit justice as it doesn't show the large tubing (maybe 7 inch diameter, 2 tubes) that is vented to the outside via a piece of plywood in the window. I'm not sure it really complements the $700 shades that I talked Mr. Fix-it into because they were so perfect with the room and really you can't touch a custom window covering for under $500.00, but whatevs.

 

Anywhoo . . . thank goodness for that unit. By running it on high for 48  hours I've managed to maintain my cave hermitage bedroom at a temperature range between 78 and 90 degrees this weekend.

 

Mr. Fix-it and MVP are mountain biking in Mammoth. Social Butterfly has moved into the swim club with a group of friends. Danger Boy is impervious to temperature changes as long as he has a PS3 controller in his hands.

 

And me? I will need to see the chiropractor this week. I don't think the human body is designed to spend 48 hours straight on a bed, with a fan pointed at their scantily-clad body (not as attractive as it sound), blogging. Okay, so I didn't just blog (although honestly that's mostly what I did--hello, Mrs. G's entire blog roll!). I read all of the New York Times, Salon.com, Slate.com, Queen Bees and Kingpin Dads (book review Thursday!), A Summer Affair (book review July 2), watched several episodes of Law and Order and Matt Lauer's Mistaken Identity, and wrote a somewhat ranting post about parenting which I'll probably never publish. I took the occasional cool bath and left the room for sustenance and liquid refreshment a handful of times.

 

The promised upside? Everyone in my family can feed and clothe themselves. They don't need me need me anymore (of course they still NEED me) which is why I didn't have to move anymore than minimally needed to sustain life. You know how you always want a day to do nothing? I just had two. I'm looking forward to a little activity. Plus, there's a rumor about a break in the high pressure system. I'm hanging my hat on that rumor!

Are They Trying To Tell Me Something?

What does it mean that when MVP and Mr. Fix-it went to Costco last week they brought this home with them for me?

Not the laptop, I already had that; the Belkin Cush Top. It "Provides increased padded comfort when you use your laptop on your couch, bed, or floor." It also keeps the motor of the laptop cool.

Do they never want to see me again? Are they hoping I just forsake all family interaction and take permanently to my bed where the gripping surface of the Belkin Cush Top allows me to use my laptop from almost any angle? (I'd say it's balance at about 33 degrees right now).

And what was with the snarky comment from MVP about how he was worried I might get a burn on my leg from the heat of the laptop?

Oh well, mine is not to question why, it's just to blog in Belkin comfort! Thanks Guys!

Dress Code for a New Generation and We Have a Winner

Mary Alice discussed teenage dress in her post about talking to your kids about sex last week. Suburban Correspondent (whose Anna, like my Social Butterfly can test the limits of motherly patience like no other) also addressed this issue in her column in MidCenturyModernMoms on Sunday. Never one to bypass an opportunity to weigh in on an important topic, here's how we're handling the battle at Casa Juggling Life.

Our number 1 rule, one we've been discussing since Social Butterfly wanted her first wedge heels and flare jeans at age 2, is this:

You can dress to look stylish, cute, pretty, funky, sporty or pretty much any other look. You may NEVER dress to look sexy.

Another guideline we use is that you can sort of push the envelope in one area if you tone down in every other area. Take, for example, shoes. SB has had a shoe fetish since before she could talk. Seriously, she had a meltdown at 10 months when I tried to put her in white tennies instead of the fuchsia ones that matched the multi-colored Gymboree leggings she was wearing. I figured the problem out when she crawled to the shoe basket, grabbed the fuchsia shoe and tried to pull off the white sneaker. But I digress. Lets just say that I fear I may have another Carrie Bradshaw on my hands.

Now that SB wears a women's size 8, the sky's the limit as far as shoe selection goes. She'd love for the sky to be the limit on heel height as well. And lord knows how (she didn't get it from me, the queen of the flats), but she can walk in anything. Which brings us to rule number 2:

If the heel is high, the dress must be that much more conservative.

Rule number 3 has been pretty easy to follow so far; unlike her mother, she didn't need a C cup in sixth grade.

Cleavage is for older girls. Ditto exposed belly. Whatever age you are, cleavage and bare bellies are for girls older than that age. God brought camisoles into style for a reason.

Rule number 4 is one of those "I know it when I see it rules."

If it makes your Dad or brothers uncomfortable, it's a no. (Should probably be amended to add, "If Danger Boy's friends like it it's a no).

Because everyone likes a pictorial, below is a picture from a party SB and her friends went to Saturday night. The theme was "Neon." Because I'm a helluva good sport, I spent two hours looking for white t-shirts, the right paint, and socks that I had a drawer full of in 1977.

Now, onto the "We Have a Winner" portion of our programming . . .

The winner of "Driving Sideways," chosen by random number generator is . . . #24, Heidi of Green Mountain Country Mama. Heidi's comment was:

I remember liking Leif for a very short period a long long time ago.
Since I didn't win over at Suzy's, I will try here.
I wanted to visit anyways!

Proving that sometimes it's the second time that's a charm. E-mail me your info and I'll send the book on its way.

Tears for Fears Part II

Who needs to pay for therapy when a shrink has you on her blogroll? PhD in Yogurtry approved my plan. BTW, read the post I linked to--and have your significant other read it too!

So I've reclaimed my laptop from MVP (the nerve of me--now he has to use either the desktop or the other laptop) and am ensconced in my bedroom. They can tear up the roast chicken I got for dinner themselves.

I have:

A large tumbler of Pine-Orange-Banana juice and Absolut Ruby Red (heavy on the Absolut).

A large bottle of Crystal Geyser with Lemon (to ensure proper hydration).

Terms of Endearment--the clear recommendation for guaranteed tear jerker. Thanks gals (and Stu and Mike)!

Camera--to capture tears should they appear.

The endorsement of Mr. Fix-it--he thinks I'm a little cuckoo, but that doesn't preclude him from being supportive. You've gotta love that in a man.

So, ta-ta for now. I shall report back later. If the rest of this post is grammatically incorrect you'll know I went for a second round of Absolut.

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Live Time Update:

Don't you hate it when you start the tub and push the plug down and then go downstairs to freshen your drink and attempt a conversation with your sullen son and then you come back upstairs to find you never did push the plug down?

Me too.

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Live Time Update:

If you check out at 6:00 a.m NO ONE will think it is their responsibility to put away the rest of the Kirdland 930 pack of toilet tissue.

Jeff Daniels--How the hell did he end up in "Dumb and Dumber?!"

If you've had 2 Pine-Orange-Bananas and Absoluts you are likely to spill a good portion of the third one while walking down the hallway.

OMFG! If Jack Nicholson looks like he does NOW, what hope is there for the rest of us?!

John Lithgow a love interest? And we bought it?!

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Random Thoughts

OMFG--I need  a professional to make me glasses that will both allow me to see the t.v and the laptob==biofocal?!

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Things I have in Common with Aurora Greenway;

I don't like convertibles (all that work for fab hair and I should just let it blow away?)

I'm a much better time with lowered inhibitions.

I want the best for my children.

I've still got it--even with a ------ few pounds, a few years, and a few (very few) grey haris.

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Things I don't have in common with Aurora Greenway:

I would NEVER wear a frou-frou dress.

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Things my mom and I have in common with Aurora Greenway and Emma:

We drove each other CRAZY!

One of us is dead.

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Things I have in common with Emma Greenway:

The croup

Wanting to kill my husband in the early years of my marriage.

Thai--on a 7 out of 10 scale, with Blog This Mom! not the best precursor to Pine-Orange_Banana with Absolout Grapefruit.

 

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Social Butterfly says my mom has left the building!

Tears for Fears

I'm not wordless this Wednesday and I have no pictures for you.

I didn't sleep well last night and I am definitely missing my trademark optimism. The tragedy I posted about yesterday has hit me so hard. Maybe I'll feel totally differently about things tomorrow, but right now I'm hanging on by a thread.

I was going through pictures a couple of weeks ago and found one of Danger Boy's sixth birthday party--the girl that killed her mother was in that picture as a smiling, bunny ear giving, cute little girl. Of course when I looked at the picture I just thought, "I wonder how she's up to." Then I picked up a different picture. Now that first picture is frozen in my mind in day-glo, indelible ink.

I lost my sister in January and a close friend last month and now this. I think what I really need is a good cry--something I haven't done. I cried a little in Costco on my son's 18th birthday when I realized that I'd been so focused on planning the memorial service for Thom that I hadn't baked MVP a cake (homemade birthday cakes are a pretty big thing to me). But I was in the bakery department at Costco and I am a WASP so it's entirely possible I was able to breakdown in such a way that it wasn't noticeable to anyone else.

Since I don't do anything spur of the moment, I think I'm going to need to schedule a cry this week. I'm pretty sure it needs to be that or I'm going to seriously go the stuffing your emotions with food route--I'm already perilously close to doing that.

I used to be able to cry over everything; these days? Nada. Did I waste all my tears on stupid things in my twenties? The tears over my husband being an hour late without a phone call were probably not necessary.  Know I need those tears for things like people dying and they are nowhere to be found. What's up with that?

What will it take I wonder? I've never watched Sophie's Choice and I hear that's a pretty sad movie. I think I might have to toss some inhibition loosening alcohol into the mix. So on my list of things to do this week are drink and cry. I think I want to do it alone, which would make it a daytime activity and that's a little odd. I'll have to think about it.

Does anyone else have any ideas on how to bring out a good cry in a highly controlled, pragmatic person? Or maybe I should be doing something else I haven't thought of. I'm open to anything. Advise me my blog friends! I'll be sure to report back--perhaps complete with a puffy-eyed, smeared mascara, runny nose photo if I'm successful and courageous.

Warning: If You're Over 25, You Don't Know Cool!

You know how small businesses sometimes put things out for sale at the place where they manufacture it? Mr. Fix-it works in the same business park as a company called SRH. They sell all the gear our teens wouldn't be caught dead in wear--sweatshirts, tees, hats; cool looking stuff. SRH stands for Supporting Radical Habits. Plus, as a bonus, the initials SRH are the same as the initials for the kids' high school. So, when they were closing out stuff, Mr. Fix-it thought "Score. The kids will love it if I buy a bunch of this totally rad clothing and bring it home as a surprise."

Ummm, not so much. MVP informed us that the more common interpretation of SRH is not Supporting Radical Habits; rather it is Stoners Reeking Havoc. Obviously, there is no way my kids are going to support the improper use of the word reeking when it should be wreaking. They aren't the offspring of the grammar and spelling police for nothing!

Okay, the actual reason they won't wear it is the whole stoners thing. I guess we're going to consider it money thrown away for a good cause.

In Which I Confess My Bad Parenting

Oh Internet, what it is it about you that compels me to reveal my true self?

We are on a weekend ski/snowboard getaway with my stepsister, T, her husband and kids, and their neighbors. Last night we were in the Rec Room playing ping-pong, pool, etc. Big Red and I were relaxing at a table, finishing our pizza, when he started trying to flip a bottle top into a styrofoam cup. (The bottle top may have been oh hell was from the top of a beer bottle that I may have been oh hell was from a beer or 3 that I had been drinking from).

"Quarters? " I raised a quizzical eyebrow.

"Well, I am leaving for college in the fall."

Well, when you put it that way. I proceeded to remove a quarter from my purse and show him why I had been the quarters champion of Mesa Junior College (small aside--might that be why I am just now finishing my degree? Hmmm, something to ponder). I know, I'm going to Hell.

Disclaimer: Big Red did not consume any beer last night. I may be a bad parent, but I'm not a terrible parent!