Juggling Life

Looking Back

2007 was a very exciting year for our family--our oldest, B, and her boyfriend, Big D, graduated from college. B is the first person in our family to do so (I'm working on it now, hubby went, but didn't finish). We have always raised our children on the assumption that they would go to, and finish college. It seems to be working; B is done, J1 is going next year, and the younger two talk about where they will go when their time comes.

I have always operated on the theory that your family is working well if each generation is able to do better than the one before. By better I don't mean just economically (although that's helpful), but more importantly in the realms of parenting and education. To be open and honest with your children, to provide them with educational and social opportunities and responsibilities, and most often to give them what you missed in your own childhood. In my case, the family of my childhood was crazy different. My parents were divorced when no one else's were, my mom worked while everyone else's stayed at home, we lived in apartments when everyone else had a house, my mom and stepdad "lived in sin" for several years before they married, my dad was a pot-smoking hippie, we were always late for everything. We were always just a little different.

So what have I given my children? A very stable marriage, the same house since birth, punctuality, normalcy. In the eyes of some people we may be boring, but I prefer the term comfortable. My hope for my children is that this base of stability will give them the option to choose the kind of people they want to be--nesters or adventurers or maybe a little bit of both. My husband and I consciously made for ourselves the life we wanted--I want my kids to do the same--not just let life happen to them, but to give themselves options through education, and then make the lives they choose.

I don't know where this saying comes from, but I take it to heart: Give them roots to keep them grounded through tough times. Give them wings to soar above everything, explore new worlds and fly farther than we ever did.

P.S. It's just a crummy cell phone pic, but I like it--these are our roots--kicking back, together, on the couch. We each have our own laptop, book, or iPod, but we choose to be in our own worlds together!

P.P.S. I figured out how to insert photos in my posts!

HAPPY NEW YEAR, BLOGOSPHERE!

Life in my 'hood

I've just returned from playing Wii and drinking tea at the neighbor's house. Dropping in at the neighbor's, or having them drop in on you, is such a comforting way to pass the time. It's not something you can do if you're in a rush, so you're already on your way to being relaxed. You don't have to dress up or drive anywhere, and you can be home in just a minute.

Our suburban neighborhood is a great mix--young families, families with teenagers, older couples, a single guy with great toys. I am lucky enough to be able to count several good friends and walking partners on our cul-de-sac. My kids have been lucky to experience the joys of impromptu lemonade stands, house-sitting jobs, babysitting, bopping from house to house with popsicles at every stop, and long days of swimming and trampolining at the house next door.

Living in San Diego, we don't get the beautiful, snow-covered porch scenes I see in some of the blogs I visit. Our holiday spirit is manifested in the colorful lights that deck the houses, and the cookies, candy and Christmas morning cinnamon rolls we exchange. It might not look like a Currier and Ives Christmas, but it feels like one.

    

Divorce . . . 70's style

I am making preparations to fly to Washington state for a final visit with my sister, who has cancer. She has at most a month or two left. It would be sad no matter what, but particularly so for a 41 year old mother. To say our relationship is complicated would be understating the situation by a lot. My oldest daughter, B, is actually my sister's child that my husband and I raised (a story for another day). B, my stepsister, T, and I are going together to see my sister, as we did this summer. My sister's situation has me reflecting upon my childhood, and in particular how my sisters and I were split apart.

My stepsister, T, and I were close as children, and we are very close today. But, there is a period of about 25 years (yes, we're old!) when we had very little contact. How did that happen? I'm going to have to say it was divorce . . . 70's style. My mom and stepdad and  T's mom and stepdad divorced at the same time, when we (T, her sister D, my sister, L, and myself) were in our early teens. Apparently it didn't occur to the adults involved that they were not just divorcing, they were causing the divorce of four girls who had spent their childhoods together. Four girls who giggled under the covers way past lights out, shared the hatch of a Datsun 240z on car trips (no seatbelts!), camped together, wore matching Halloween costumes, fought over doing the dishes, had snowball fights and sledded at our grandparents/ stepgrandparents cabin, waterskiied at the Colorado river, and were just generally SISTERS. Once the parents separated, we girls were never even offered the opportunity to see each other.

I don't know if it's by chance or luck, but our circle of friends has not been touched by divorce (yet?) Most of our friends, and our kid's friend's parents, are around the 20 years married mark. So I don't know firsthand how families are handling divorce these days. But I would expect that today's parents are a lot more enlightened about considering the psyches of their children. I certainly hope so. Divorce is never painless, but I'm sure it works out better if the adults involved consider all the ramifications it will have on the children involved, even if the children are not related by blood. Looking back, I'm not sure why all of us girls just blindly accepted our situation. Again, I'm going to blame it on the 70's--you did what your parents said and you didn't ask a lot of questions. I'm sure my children would be voicing their opinions clearly loudly! And thank goodness for that.

Losing someone close to you really causes you to reflect on, and analyze, your life. I'm generally not given to a whole lot of introspection, but if feels good to have gotten these thoughts on paper blogosphere.

Traffic Court . . . or are we having fun yet?

Things you probably would not do if you did not have a teenage son--spend an afternoon in traffic court. Surprisingly, it was not completely horrible (just mildly so). My 17 year old son received a ticket for failing to signal on a turn and for speeding--45 mph in a 45 mph zone (?!). Normally I fall firmly on the side of supporting the authority figure in these situations, but in this case I'm going to have to side with my son. The reason is two-fold. First, he was pulled over in front of his friend's house and the friend's mother was appalled at the rudeness of the police officer. Her take on him was that he was definitely abusing his power and authority. Secondly, this same police officer has ticketed almost every teenage driver in our suburban neighborhood while turning a blind eye to the transgressions (rolling stops, etc.) of us "soccer moms." This assessment comes from the moms, not the teenagers.

So today we went to court so my son could enter a not guilty plea. The experience, as I said, was not horrible. Thanks for this goes to the absolutely charming judge. Her age (she looked about 12) might have been the reason for her sunny personality in the face of what could be a truly soul-numbing job. Whatever the reason, she was respectful and pleasant and truly seemed to care about helping people get their tickets/warrants/license suspensions/fare evasions taken care of. It was amazing to see a bureaucrat who cared, and it was pretty striking how much that caring colored the atmosphere of the courtroom and made what started out to be a real drag, not. So my soon will be returning to court to confront Officer Friendly and explain that if he really was making a hard right at 45mph he would have been on two wheels and consequently charged with reckless driving, not speeding.

Of course, because I had to spend two hours  of my time in court with him, J1 graciously grudgingly agreed to pack up all the ornaments on the tree to repay me for my lost time. Yeah! I hate that job.   

The upside of teenagers

If I'm going to "keep it real"  (nod to Pioneer Woman) the way my favorite bloggers do, I have to share one of of the positive aspects of having a teenager with a driver's license. Said teenager (J1 in this case) can be your designated driver if you happen to share two bottles of champagne with your best friend on her birthday. I'm going to have to assume that the positive message of making sure you have a designated driver before imbibing outweighs the negatives of your child seeing his mother "party." Also, I can't have had thaaaat much to drink or I wouldn't be able to write this post. Plus, since said best friend is going through a very stressful time in her life and I got to introduce her to Bossy via the Bossy Loves Cusack video on Youtube, I'd say it was a much-needed evening of champagne sharing. If you're interested in laughing, we also watched Flight of the Conchords: If Thats' What You're Into, and the third video that comes up if you search Falling Baby. Then my son decided he wanted to continue his social life so I had to be escorted go home. Hubby D was already home, having fulfilled his quota of socialization sometime earlier in the evening. I'm just going to throw this out there--Bossy, I too love Cusack. In fact ,I have loved him for many, many years. I happen to think he's the thinking womans "movie boyfriend."

A Few of my Favorite Things

Books: This is very hard because I looooove to read. So, a partial list: The Poisonwood Bible, The Time Traveler’s Wife, Pigs in Heaven, Moo, The Deep End of the Ocean, The Good Mother, Glass Castles, Me Talk Pretty One Day, The Pilot’s Wife, My Sister’s Keeper. As a child I loved all the Laura Ingalls Wilder books, An Old Fashioned Girl, Little Women, Nancy Drew; as a teen-ager it was all the books by Agatha Christie, Sherlock Holmes, James Michener, and Stephen King.

Movies: The Upside of Anger, High Fidelity, The Virgin Suicides, About a Boy, My Life as a Dog, Shawshank Redemption, Jerry Maguire.

Songs: Goodnight Saigon, Fortunate Son, Desperado, Crazy, I’m Still Standing, Get Off Of My Cloud, You Can’t Always Get What You Want, Eleanor Rigby, plus the cast recordings of A Chorus Line and Chicago.

My first post . . . or why am I doing this?!

I've been lurking exploring the blogosphere for about six months, on and off. I love the variety of people and writing that is out there. I was surprised at how much I enjoy reading about other people's lives. Then I looked into it further and was shocked to find that people can actually make money off their blogging endeavors. As I said to my (four) kids, "Getting paid to voice opinions and talk about yourself and your family? How have I not known about this?! That's what you always give me grief about doing!" I don't expect to get paid any time soon, and who knows if anyone will ever want to read this, but I thought I'd give it a shot. I believe it was Mrs. G over at Derfwad Manor who decided to do this in order to get in the habit of daily writing--sounds like a good reason to me.

Why did I choose "Juggling Life" as my blog name? As a "non-traditional" college student (back to school at 40-something), part-time pharmacy technician, mom of four--B, (girl young woman, age 22, recent college grad--on her own now!, J1 (17, boy, senior in high school, getting ready for college), J2 (boy, age 14, high school freshman), Little K (13, girl, baby of the family), wife to D, recovering compulsive volunteer and (non-recovering) neat freak I really thought the title fit. That's who I, Jenn, am--just another suburban wife/mom/person who is "juggling life."

In my ramblings in the blogosphere, I've found that many of the people whose blogs I really enjoy (Dooce, Redsy, Sunset Pig)have/had issues with depression or alcohol. I don't have any of these issues. I do however, come from a family that is rife with all manner of mental illness (more on that subject later). I wondered, "Can a really happy, sunny side of life person like myself be as interesting and introspective as these women are? Does anyone want to hear from someone who has actually found raising four kids to be mostly fun, and not really overwhelming? Can I say I think raising kids, having been a SAHM, and enjoying teen-agers, marriage and life in the 'burbs is fun and not come off like a prig?" We'll find out I suppose.

While looking for juggling metaphors that might work for my blog, I came across this . . .

So next time you see a juggler
See not just the clever tricks
There's a very happy person
Behind those balls and knives and sticks

I think that just might say it all.