Core Values

Mary-Alice had a most thought-provoking post today about instilling our children with our values, and what those values should be. My comment to her post was starting to turn into its own post, so here I am.

Like many of you, I live in a community that is very competetive, especially about academics; you know--worries about the wrong teacher in Kindergarten preventing Harvard admission. It's hard not to get sucked in. I do always try to keep in mind that my goal is to raise happy people, not Harvard grads (unless that's what makes them happy).

We do value them getting a college education. Of course, there is the fact that higher education opens our minds, and gives us greater perspective on the world. Economics factor in also. I think it's fine to choose a life without much money, but I don't want anyone forced into not having money because of a lack of education. I love being a college student at 43, but life would be simpler if I had taken care of this at 20. Anyway, I digress. On to the heartwarming story.

With my four children, who have a variety of academic and athletic achievements among them, this stands out as one of proudest parenting moments.

This, as many of you know, is Danger Boy. He is an amazing Water Polo player, and he truly has the soul of a competitor. More than one person has described him as having "the heart of a lion." I don't care if you're a foot taller and 50 lbs. heavier than he is, he will never back down in the pool. He's also bright, and an honors student.  He has Tourette Syndrome, but because of his medication, and the fact that he is able to supress most of his tics during school, and release them at home, the TS is not a huge thing with his peers. In any event, he has always been very well-liked, especially by the girls.

When DB was in fourth-grade, there was an autistic boy, C, in his class. C was quite smart, but definitely had many of the issues that accompany autism. DB shared a desk with C.

When fifth-grade started, I noticed that DB and C shared a desk again. Thinking it was a coincidence, I said to the teacher, "It's funny that they're sharing a desk, they did in fourth grade also." The teacher responded, "I know; Mr. M asked the principal to keep them together, and asked me to seat them together. He said DB was the only child in the class who was always kind and patient with C, and never got upset with him. He can keep C on task and get his own work done, and he's  happy to do it."

I literally had tears in my eyes. That night I told my son that he could go on to discover the cure for cancer and I would still never be prouder of him than I was at that moment.

C moved on to a different middle and high school than DB. I sometimes see his mom in the grocery store. I always ask after C, and she always tells me what a great friend DB was to C; I was always feel a little "zing" in my heart afterwards.

Now I know that some of his empathy is a gift, and some probably comes from his own issues with TS, but I like to think that maybe a bit of it comes from our parenting. I'm very proud to be the mother of this boy.  

Comments

[debbie]

...and you should be proud of him. This is the kind of story that you save and re-tell to him again later in life (ie. graduation, wedding...)...print it out so YOU don't forget! How lucky you are to have such a good kid!! May we all be as lucky!!

[Mary Alice]

It is in those moments that everything else suddenly becomes completely worth it! Thank you for sharing. What a wonderful boy.

[Reluctant Blogger]

That is a lovely story. And yes, you should be justly proud. He sounds a wonderful boy.

The whole area of competitive parenting always gets me riled. I was myself the product of such parenting and whilst I know my parents did what they thought was best, and yes, academically and career-wise I have (as a result I presume although there is no knowing) always achieved. But it is no fun to feel that your parents will love you more if you do better in school or at some sport, and to be afraid to fail.

I cringe these days when I listen to some of the parents at the school gate or at the swimming club.

[Domestically Challenged]

Isn't Mary Alice terrific?
That said, well done you too - it's IS nurture, not nature.
DC

[CircusKelli]

You have every reason in the world to be proud of him. That's a very cool story. :)

[Mrs. G.]

I love a boy who roots for the underdog-as a teacher, these kinds of kids put a little spring in my step.

[kaylee]

great story :)

[Jen M]

This was beautiful. Empathy, compassion and kindness are the core values of a good and wonderful life.

[kaylee]

BTW thanks for stopping by my blog and commenting :)

[Lisa Milton]

Better to have a big heart than a big paycheck any day of the week.

[Smalltown Mom]

I'm going to be a regular reader of your blog from now on. You say what I think, but much more eloquently.

My younger son "Ernest" also befriended an autistic boy in 4th grade. They took a lot of field trips that year, and they were always paired in the same trips "because Ernest calms him down." Now in 6th grade, the boy still considers Ernest to be his best friend.

It's lovely to know you have raised a kind person.

[Amy the Mom]

Beautiful post-so glad you commented and I followed your link back here! Awesome blog!

[Tootsie Farklepants]

I even got teary reading how DB was patient and kind with C. It's an extraordinary attribute.