All of us with teenagers (and even pre-teens) have to struggle with this issue. Do you let them MySpace or not? For many parents of younger children, the answer is easy. "I would never let my kids have a MySpace." And it's oh-so-easy to take a hard line with a Kindergartener. The whole question becomes a lot more gray when your kids get older.
Obviously, if you're reading this, you understand the positive aspects of the internet, and especially of social networking. I have met so many people I would never had the chance to meet in real life, through this blog. I'm sure all of you feel the same way. The difference, of course, is that we are adults. Hopefully this means we're careful about how much information we give out, and we have had a lifetime of developing instincts about people. In any event, we're adults; we measure risks and rewards all the time.
And that's what we do when we say "yes" or "no" to our kids about MySpace. Measure the risks and rewards. We're all familiar with the risks--pedophiles, cyber-bullying, etc. The high-profile case of Megan Meier, the Missouri girl who comitted suicide after an incident of cyber-bullying, shocked us all. An article in New Yorker magazine covers the story in-depth, and offers an interesting look behind the headlines. Obviously, in this case, MySpace, mixed with helicopter parenting, led to a tragic result.
There are rewards also. My boys' high school water polo team played host to several Brazilian water polo players this summer. All the kids keep in contact with the Brazilian MySpace, Orkut. In another time, they might have been pen pals; that's a harder relationship to maintain though. The immediacy of communication helps keep the kids close. We're working on one of the boys coming to stay with us for the next school year. If it works out, MySpace will be ideal for keeping him in touch with his friends and family at home.
A couple of years ago, when I was undecided as to whether or not to allow my teens access to MySpace, a psychologist friend offered his advice. He said that refusing them access was effectively cutting them out of a big part of their society, other teens. It's bigger, than not having t.v. in your home. It can be great not to have t.v., but it does make your kids "different." As much as you hate to bow into the "everyone is doing it" argument, it is something to consider.
What did I decide? I decided to educate them about the risks, monitor their use, and let them have MySpace accounts. I do have the passwords, and I do visit them occassionally. Of course I'm not so naive as to realize they couldn't have separate accounts I know nothing about, but they could do that at a friend's house anyway. We do have all our computers in the great room. The kids have an hour time limit a day for all computer use (outside of homework). And they do a lot of other things, like sports, which naturally limits the time they have to spend on MySpace. We also have a hard and fast rule in our house; if you furtively close a window when we approach the computer, you lose computer privileges for a week.
I read a lot of the New Yorker article to my daughter; it seems that girls are more likely to use MySpace as an outlet for all their "drama." My daughter had already discovered that having your "top friends" visible was a recipe for hurt feelings, and "hid" hers. It's important to remember your own painful, junior high experiences. If you need help, go visit Jen at Get In The Car!. She's got a great post today that will take you right down memory lane.
One thing is for sure, "the times they are a-changin'."
