When Times Are Tough . . .

Sometimes people do change. My (ex) brother-in-law used to be the quintessential sports nut who passed all his time off work engaged in the following pursuits: coaching sports, playing sports, watching sports on t.v., betting on sports. Housework, laundry, and food preparation were never on his radar. He wasn't even handy. You can imagine that he was not the ideal husband, and really, not the most involved father.

Fast forward to now. Although my brother-in-law fought it, family court in San Diego gave my sister permission to move out of state, and to take their two boys with her, due to the fact she was terminally ill and wished to live near a friend. My BIL searched his soul and then did something that I think few men  would do. He moved also; he didn't think it was fair for the boys to shoulder the burden of a dying mother on their own. Eventually, he moved in with my sister to take care of her. He cooks, he cleans, he does laundry. He keeps track of meds. Although he's not an animal lover, he takes care of a large dog, 2 cats, and a parrot. He goes to school conferences. He does this while working full-time. Aside from the physical work, he is engaged in the emotionally exhausting task of preparing his kids for the impending death of their mother.

He may not have ever been husband of the year, but I do think he's become ex-husband of the year.

Comments

[Maggie-beth]

Hi Jenn. I found your blog courtesy of Mrs. G's Slow Cook Thursday, so I thought I would come over and give you some props. That is, if "some props" means giving encouragement - I'm not really good with current lingo, so I should probably leave well enough alone; but hey, giving some props sounded like fun. I really like what I've read, although it sounds like you've had a very tough couple of days. Just stick with denial and grabbing laughs when you can until and unless you can think of something that serves you better. I really like your graphics - where do you find this stuff? Or are you one of those really talented people who can create them yourself? I'm new to blogging, too - my first post was December 29th. It's exciting, and pushing myself to create something every day - even something silly - will be good for me, I think. I don't know about you, but as soon as I hit that "publish" button the first time, I began yearning for comments. I wrote everyone in my address book. Apparently, I need to get more friends, because of the few who have viewed it, fewer still commented. I think this is mostly because many of my real-world friends know little or nothing about blogging, and don't seem inclined to learn more. At least I HOPE that's why they didn't comment! Anyway, keep up the good work, and I'll be back to check in on a regular basis now that I've found you. Happy New Year!

[Prof. J.]

Wow. I am impressed by your brother in law. I've heard of many women who nurse their ex husbands, but I've never heard of a man caring for his ex wife. Your nephews have a heckuva role model.

[Richgold]

This may sound like a bitter Betty. I'm saddened that it took THIS life event for him to get in gear. (I know that marriage is difficult and it takes work from both sides. It doesn't sound like he was holding up his end of the stick when he needed to.)

I am glad that the boys will have some one to help them transition into a life without their mother. Maybe this will be the making of their father.

[Grandy]

What a beautiful post!!! Thank you for sharing!!! I'm going to go back and get my tissue now. k?

[Jenn]

Actually, although he was a less than ideal husband, I'd have to say my BIL got the worse end of the deal throughout his entire marriage to my sister. Maybe someday I'll do a post on what it was like to watch as my sister manipulated the judicial system to render my BIL penniless, homeless and possessionless on the basis of a well-placed lie.

Richgold hit the nail on the head though, this experience has been the making of a man. As they say, every cloud has a silver lining.

[Mrs. G.]

Your BIL is not just a man. He's what Chris Rock calls a GROWN ASS man. Good for him and his kids.

[CircusKelli]

I'd say so! Wow... Good on him.

[Melissa]

He sounds like a prince, and should've beat out K-Fed for Father of the Year, no?

[Beth]

Your BIL sounds like an amazing, unique man.
And thank heavens he is - for the sake of the children.

[manager mom]

Wow... now that is when he became a REAL man. It's good to know that people can change.

[Tricia]

Sometimes it really does take a significant loss for someone to alter their behavior. What a difficult road it must have been for your sister and her family, and what an amazing example your sister and BIL must have provided to their children about family, love, loss, priorities, forgiveness and stepping-up-to-the-plate.