Juggling Life

In Which My Heart Swells to Three Times Its Normal Size

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away Once upon a time Quite a few years ago my  husband's sister got married in Minnesota. These three were in the wedding. Yes, that is Big Red, Danger Boy, and Social Butterfly in their wild and beautiful youth.

Now, while they were all equally adorable in my eyes, apparently the general public didn't see it quite that way. Everywhere that we went, Danger Boy and Social Butterfly were ooohed and aaahed over. Their cuteness was praised, their tinyness was praised, their blondeness was praised. (Because, as we all know, cuteness, tinyness, and blondeness are qualities achieved through hard work and perseverance).

Big Red was not tiny. He was not blonde. As his mother, I am not qualified to render unbiased judgement on his cuteness, so I will leave that out.

When we returned home, Big Red and I had the following conversation.

Me: I don't if you noticed, but a lot of people were saying a lot of nice things about Danger Boy and Social Butterfly on our trip. I just wanted to make sure you knew that it was because toddlers and preschoolers are so little they attract a lot of attention. It's not that you're not just as cute as they are, it's just that once kids are older, like you, people don't seem to get as excited over them.

Big Red: I know what you're trying to say, but I would never feel bad about someone saying my little brother and sister are cute. I agree with them.

Me:

Budget Cut Blues

I am a glass half-full kind of gal. In fact, my glass has champagne in it. And if I want more, the rest of the bottle is in the fridge. Lest you think I'm an insufferable Pollyana, I'm not, but I just figure there's a solution to almost every problem, and every problem, and I'd rather solve the problem than spend my time complaining.

However, from every silver-lined cloud, some rain must fall.

The cause of my mini-despair is a big issue, one that I certainly don't have the means to solve. In fact, if I do get a little blue over something, it usually is over something I have little or no control over. (Okay, in addition to being an optimist, I'm also a control freak; we'll talk about that another day!). Education and budget cuts are what's got me pissed off furious navel-gazing right now.

In the sunny state of California, as in much of the rest of our great country that W. has almost succeeded in destroying Please, please elect a Democratic president we are in an economic slump. Our dear Governator's solution to this problem has been to propose budget cuts of 10% across the board. Of course, this includes education.

This is old news, but for some reason it was a blurb in the paper about an alternative school for failing high schoolers being on the chopping block that was a knife through the heart for me. What will happen to these kids when we give up on them by closing this school, which is basically their last chance to pull it out of the toilet? For many of them, they will end up turning to crime, and drugs, and other than less than savory pastimes.

When they get caught, will Arnold say to them "We have no money to keep you in jail?" I don't think so. I think we will FIND the money. The same Bush FINDS the money for us to be in Iraq.

Today, I wring my hands and rend my garments and ask, "Why, oh why is it always this way? Why can we always find the money for prisons and are, but not for schools and social workers?!" Of course, I vote. I write letters to the editor. And most days my glass is half-full. Today my glass is bone-dry.

Wood and Metal

The Weekly Word Challenge words this week were Wood and Metal. (Thanks kcninnova,  for keeping me posted). In the continuing spirit of showing you around my house, I knew just the picture to use.

This is my grandmother’s sewing machine. It is the machine she taught me to sew on, and the machine she crafted her amazing collection of doll clothes on. Think Barbie size dolls in period costumes—they were amazing.

We always had beautiful matching cloth coats with great linings also.

This is my grandmother. To say mom’s and her relationship was complicated would be like saying the political situation in the middle east is complicated. My grandmother suffered a psychotic break when my mother was 12, and was an unmedicated schizophrenic for the rest of her life.

Still, there were times when my sister and I were little that we had great times with Grandma. And most of those times revolved around that sewing machine.

Chore Time Is Fun Time!

I used to have a cleaning lady. I looooooooooooooved having a cleaning lady. Coming home to the delicious aroma of Lemon Pledge applied by someone other than me, was a highlight of my week. I felt a little guilty about being a SAHM, and having a cleaning lady, but I got over it. When the kids were younger and everyone was at different schools and I was volunteering like crazy, I just didn't have a big chunk of time to clean the house each week. I may have mentioned that I'm a litte on the neat freak tidy side, so I considered it money well spent.

A few years ago, in a fit of lunacy I realized that now that the kids were older, they could help clean the house. This would a) save money and b) teach them RESPONSIBILITY and PRIDE IN THEIR WORK and HOW TO CLEAN A TOILET. I would of course pay them for their jobs (which are in addition to daily chores). It seemed like a win-win situation.

So the system now works like this: I dust and polish (I can't trust anyone else), and the rotating jobs are: kitchen and trash, bathrooms, and floors (vacuuming and polishing the laminate floors).

So, Sunday was housecleaning day. This week it happened to sound a lot like YOUR PARENTS ARE GOING TO PULL YOUR FINGERNAILS OUT WITH PLIERS DAY. This did not make the parents happy. So because we are total idiots we decided the proper course of action would be to beat them lock them out of the house have them spend the day inside with us. The reaction to that announcement sounded like NOW YOUR PARENTS ARE GOING TO BOIL YOU ALIVE.

So, what ended up happening? Everyone did a really thorough job on their assigned chore, and then they all settled down on the couch and spent the whole day watcing Rob and Big and making Rasta-themed friendship bracelets. It was love and sweetness and joy all around. To which I say, "WTF?"

Learning A New Language

Right now I'm learning two new languages. This is the first one:

 

This is the second one:

Which one do you think I'm having more fun with?

P.S. to all of you who are clueing me into these cool tools--THANKS! How did I live without GoogleReader? IDK!

Happy Birthday Grown-up Girl

Today is Grown-up Girl's 23rd birthday, and the first birthday of her life we have been apart. She lives in Pasadena, about a 2+1/2 hour drive from home, and normally she would come home, or we would go up there. She just started a job though, and Friday was her first day; she just didn't feel comfortable asking for Sunday off. Ya think?

If you've been reading me from the beginning, or have read my Cast of Characters, you'll remember that GuG is actually my niece, but that we've raised her. Hence my having a 23 year old daughter when I am soooooooo youthful looking (I wish)!  We joke that the easiest thing for her to do when someone asks about her family is to just give them a flow chart. It's sort of not a joke though!

This is GuG as a baby (obviously). She was always so happy, even when she just woke up.

Her family situation might have been complicated, but all she knew was she had lots and lots of people that loved her.

For five years she was an only child, with 3 adults (my mom, me, my fiance/husband) pretty much delighted over her very presence 24/7. She loved the Zoo and Sea World, and as is the  way with only children she pretty much got to do whatever she wanted. One of my favorite memories is how when she was about 3 she would sit at the kitchen table "writing" a grocery list. The invented spelling was priceless.

There was also the time all the potatoes disappeared from the potato keeper. Where on earth does a 5lb bag of potatoes disappear to? The storage seat of a toddler ride-on train as it turns out!

Once she wasn't an only child anymore, it was OVER! We had 3 kids in 4 years and her mother had 2 more kids in the same time period. Whether she was born a nurturer or made one, she has definitely been a GREAT big sister/cousin. She was 10 years old when she got to be in the room as my mom delivered my youngest daughter.

It's sometimes difficult for people to understand that her cousins are really her siblings and her half-siblings are really more like her cousins, but they are all lucky to have her. She is basically a big sis to 8 younger ones (between us, her mom's kids, and her dad's kids).

I alluded to her love of books in Friday's post. You could pretty much find her doing one of two things between the ages of 5 and 13.She either had her nose in a book, or she was at dance class. In fourth grade, she met Music Man. Who knew they would reconnect in their senior years?

  When she was 11 she danced the part of Clara in the Nutcracker. It was her love of dance and theater that led her to attend a Performing Arts high school. She ended up finding that her true love was technical theater. She capped off her high school career by stage detecting Into The Woods. Although she no longer dances, she still has the great ballerina posture.

Even though she and Music Man went to different schools after fourth grade, they never really forgot about each other. The summer before 12th grade, Music Man, a sax player, was in China with his high school band. The band had recruited a horn player from GuG's school. While in China the horn player mentioned that she had a friend from his neighborhood and did he know _______? He had a long time ago, and asked the horn player if, when they got back to San Diego, she would ask GuG if he could call her? She did, Sure he could, He did--the rest is history, they've been together since their first date.

All that book learning played off, as she won a scholarship to Occidental College, where she majored in  Chemistry and minored in Theater. Music Man also graduated from Oxy. He now has a "real" job, they live in a cozy gatehouse, and she's at community college doing some prerequisites for applying to pharmacy school.

GuG has always realized that even though she didn't have a "traditional" family, she was treasured by a lot of people.

It's really strange that she looks exactly like one of "us," much more so than she does like either of her biological parents or half-siblings. Somehow, I think the universe knew what it was doing!

As a parent, it is an untold relief when you get a child through college and into adulthood. And it is a delight when you can look at a child you raised, and think "Wow, I did something right." GuG is smart, beautiful, mature, and happy. What more could you want?

Happy Birthday!

Wish we were there (or you were here)!

 

Random Things About He & Me

I decided I'd take today to get up to date on my memes; well, actually a meme and a heme. Grandy tagged me with 7 Random Things About Me and Manic Mommy tagged with 7 Random Things About My Husband (heme, get it? took me a while!). I actually wrote this last night, which is a good thing, because tonight I went to Chile's for dinner. I ordered a small beer, she heard tall beer . . . For a gal that survived the 80's I'm a bit of a lightweight these days!

7 Random Things About Me

1.  I like my house clean and organized. I hate coming back from a trip to an untidy house. Before we had wood floors, I used to have the whole family wait in the car while I vacuumed the house moments before we left on a trip.

2. I’m not a baby person. I mean they’re okay, but I don’t go ga-ga over them. I do love me a freshly-bathed toddler though!

3. I hate malls and shopping. The people, the music, the bright lights. Uuugggh!

4. I am a very fast reader. When I was in seventh grade, I was one of a handful of students chosen to participate in a program teaching speed reading/comprehension skills. I don’t know what happened with the program, but I’ve been known to read 300-400 pages a day.

5. The list of foods I don’t like would be very short.

6. I didn’t learn to ride a bike until I was 9 years old (we lived on a long, steep hill). Consequently, my kids learned to ride two-wheelers by the time they were 5 (two of them at 3), and they’ve always had really good bikes. This has backfired on me—Big Red talks about wanting to buy a “beater bike” for getting around Colorado State (for 800 dollars!).

7. I knew I was going to marry Mr. Fix-it the first time I saw him. I was sixteen, he was seventeen and it was in the food court of a mall. We didn’t date until two years later.

Heme: 7 Random Things About My Husband

1. He is a Navy brat. All of his dad’s duty stations were in warm weather places like Puerto Rico.

2. He is the oldest of 5. His mom worked, so he learned early how to clean and take care of kids.

3. He is really good at buying jewelry. I often think when he retires he should do gemological school and become a jeweler.

4. He is very athletic. Last weekend he skied for the first time in 17 years. He did the double-diamond run in 6 minutes.

5. He loves my Milwaukee Super Sweet Tart Supper (you may remember the recipe from Mrs. G’s Slow Cook Thursday). The children have, however, forbidden me to serve it to him ever again. His digestive system rebels a little too much these days. (I threw this in because I need you to know he is in no way perfect).

6. He runs 6 miles a day most days of the week. He never does races; he just doesn’t see the point.

7. If my mom were still here, she would tell you that he was the best son-in-law anyone could ever want.

I know the game says I should tag people but that makes me feel sorta pushy (not that I mind being tagged), so I'm not going to do it. However, I'd love to know 7 random things about any of you and your significant others, so feel free to play along!

P.S. I have no idea how this post will look; every time I preview it looks different--TypePad does that when I paste text. In the spirit of being a wee bit buzzed I'm just going to throw caution to the wind and hit save. I hope you can read it!

In Which A Miscommunication Occurs

A long time ago in a galaxy far far away Once upon a time When Grown-up Girl was less than half as grown up as she is right now, she was on the cusp of puberty. Because I believe everyone should be educated and informed, I  bought her this book. Because it's just the kind of girl she is, she devoured the book. She walked around for days with her nose in the book, and frequently gave impromptu quizzes on puberty trivia. She was indeed educated and informed.

One night she was at the grocery store with her Grandma. They ran into the mother of a friend of GuG's. A grocery store conversation ensued. You know the kind; you park your cart to the side of the frozen vegetable aisle as though you are only temporarily stopped, but you proceed to chat for at least fifteen minutes. The conversation centered on softball, and the girls, and oh-how-fast they are growing. GuG's contribution to the conversation was this, "You should totally get Desiree The What's Happening To Your Body Book For Girls. It's really good, it tells you everything you should now about masturbation."

Well, okay then. Sounds good. Good-byes were said, and as carts were pushed down the aisle the enlightened, liberal adults thought, "Hmmmmm, that's interesting."

Three nights later, as we ate dinner, Grandma included, GuG looked up from her baked potato in horror and shrieked, "Did I say masturbation?! I meant menstruation! You have to call Desiree's mother right now!

Of course, we reassured her that Desiree's mother probably didn't even notice, and that is was no big deal, and not to even worry about it rolled on the floor laughing as we cried and peed our pants.

Pontification

While I love being amused by all the blogs I read, I also love it when someone (usually Mary Alice) posts something that makes me think, and starts a great discussion/debate. This week I am moved to try my hand at provoking thought. Sorry it's so long--maybe next time I can be both thought-provoking and brief!

This week, in one of my Education classes, we had a student presentation about ADD/ADHD. The knee-jerk reaction from much of the class was to concur that ADD is over-diagnosed and that American kids are totally overmedicated. The snippet in the Frontline documentary that was used seemed to support that supposition.

Now I'm not saying that there's no truth at all to those ideas, but I do think that when you have a knee-jerk reaction to anything, you're not really being fair.

ADD and medicated kids are two things I have a whole lot of personal experience with. So while I can't speak for the overall sociological ramifications of this whole debate, I can say there is one thing I know for sure. Every situation is different, and every parent needs to do what they think is best for their child. (There are a lot of idiot parents out there who feed their kids crap, let them watch tv & play video games 24/7, don't have them play outside, and wonder what their problem is; I'm not talking about those parents).

In our family, doing what we think is right means half of my kids take meds. Danger Boy has Tourette  Syndrome. The medications he takes have made a huge difference in his life. There are mild side-effects, and getting the dosages titrated was complicated, but I truly believe that he needs these drugs. These drugs enable him to lead a very normal life and help control both his tics and the hair-trigger temper that often goes hand-in-hand with TS. The doctor's explanation is that, if you picture the nervous system as a thermometer, people with TS are operating above the boiling point. The medications bring them into a more normal range.

Big Red is a very smart guy, and was always an excellent student (honors classes, straight A's) until his freshman year of high school. Suddenly, his grades slipped. We put it down to the adjustment to high school, a heavy sports schedule, girls, etc. We tore our hair out tried all our best parenting techniques. Still, the grades did not come up. We were all frustrated, Big Red most of all.

(Abbreviation Alert!) We took BR to consult the psychiatrist that sees DB for his TS meds. ADD was diagnosed. To say I was skeptical would be an understatement. How, I asked, could BR be such a successful student for so long if he had ADD? The doc explained that it was not all about intelligence and compensation skills; if you're smart enough, ADD might not become an obstacle for you until you were working on your Ph.D. Apparently BR is smart, but not that smart.

Both my sister and my SIL had ADD (of this, I have NO doubt), so it was not outside the realm of possibility that there might be a genetic component. We decided to try a low dose of stimulant medication. They say the proof is in the pudding. BR pulled a 4.0 his sophomore year after really sucky grades a less-than-stellar freshman year. He goes off the drug during the summer, and on the weekends. He tried to do without the Adderall in the beginning of this, his senior year, but went back on it. Without the drug math is an almost overwhelming struggle; with it he gets high A's.

I think there are several important things to remember when we bemoan the fact that so many kids take medications today. Fifty or sixty years ago if you couldn't focus on your schoolwork you could drop out and still have a chance at a decent life. Fifty or sixty years ago we didn't have drugs that treated things like diabetes, heart problems, blood pressure, depression, and ADD. Fifty or sixty years ago there really wasn't an expectation that happiness was/could be a life goal.

I don't want to sound like a pharmaceutical company touting its latest drug. And I definitely believe that before you consider medication you have to carefully consider all possible environmental factors (diet, exercise, screen time, home and school settings). I just want to make sure people think before judging other parents' choices when it comes to their kids' lives and health.

Thanks for listening/reading. I can't wait to hear what you have to say.

Weekly Word Challenge

I don't know if I'll play every week, but I'm going to jump in this week. I took this photo on vacation in Big Bear this past weekend, and then through Kcinnova's blog found out about the Weekly Word Challenge. This week's words were Found and Curve. If this isn't perfect, I don't know what is.

It won't seem like much to many of you, but being a dyed-in-the-wool SoCal beach gal I had never heard the sound of ice breaking up on a lake. It's LOUD! I got to spend some quiet, reflective time walking around the lake, taking photos, and enjoying the change of scenery.