In Which My Wedding Dress Gets Married Without Me

My wedding to Mr. Fix-it in 1987 was not a huge whoop-de-do, but it was a lovely affair, with about 100 guests, in a beautiful Catholic Church on top of Mt. Soledad, in La Jolla. This church offers a stunning view of the Pacific Ocean and is located near the very controversial Mt. Soledad cross. The reception was held in my mother's backyard, which had been quite gussied up for the occasion. All in all, quite a nice wedding. A wedding to which I almost had nothing to wear.

It wasn't that I didn't have time to find a dress. No, I had a lot of time. We got engaged on my 21st birthday and married 2 + 1/2 years later. We are not the sorts to rush into anything! Seriously, my mom married in haste and repented at leisure and I'm nobody's dummy--I can learn from someone else's mistake.

I actually bought a beautiful dress at an amazing price (see #89 on my Day 100 list). It was the sample and it was my size. It just needed to be dry-cleaned and taken up. I took the dress to the dry cleaners the wedding shop recommended. Now maybe I should have taken it in a whole lot wee bit sooner, but really there was plenty of time (#13 on the list). I needed to have the dress cleaned and altered, so I dropped it off about a month before my wedding.

The trouble began when I went to pick my dress up. My dress. Wasn't. There. ???!!!!! But not to worry, they would find it. So of course I began to tear my hair out didn't worry. There were many phone calls, along with frantic shopping for a new dress should the original not reappear. The idea of replacing the dress was not appealing because a) it would cost money I no longer had, and lots of it, and b) I picked the original dress because I loved it.

Finally the puzzle was solved. Someone else came in for their dress and was given mine by mistake. But wait, why would they not return it right away? More phone calls were made, this time to the person who had my dress. It turns out she lived in Tijuana, but of course she would bring the dress back, any day now.

Now it is 3 weeks before the wedding. The dress is back. Hallelujah! My mother and I go to get it. I try on the dress. I look in the mirror and blanch. The dress has two huge greasy hand prints on the bodice. Apparently this would be where someone (the groom? a mechanic?) grabbed the bride around the waist as she danced at her reception IN MY WEDDING DRESS!

But wait, the dry cleaner can remedy this, and they will do the alterations for free. It is getting late, where will I find someone else to do all this at this late date? I stupidly foolishly naively believe they can fix this.

Now it is 1 + 1/2 weeks before the wedding. My mother and I go to get the dress. I try it on. I look in the mirror. I develop an instant migraine headache and I vomit on the floor. The dress is clean, but the seamstress did not alter the dress from the waist, she rolled the hem under. It is a bubble hem.Plus, you can still faintly see the hand prints. I begin to cry. My mother pulls a Xanax out of her purse and slips it in my mouth. She uses some decidedly unlady-like language on the proprietor and seamstress. I believe the words F***in' Idiots was used. My mother shoves me and the dress in the car and we drive home. It is my first ever Xanax, so I go to sleep for several hours, waking to realize that no, this is not a nightmare, it is my reality.

My mother puts me and the dress back into the car and drives us to the bridal shop where she explains that this all happened at the dry cleaner's they recommended and we expect them to fix it. They are horrified and kind. They promise they will save the day. There is nothing to do but trust them.

That weekend (the one before our wedding) my husband and I go for our Engaged Encounter weekend at Mission San Luis Rey (that pesky #13 again).

The night before the wedding, on the way to the rehearsal dinner, my mother and I go to the bridal shop to pick up the dress. I try it on. I look in the mirror. I am deliriously happy. The dress is perfect. And we lived happily ever after. The End.

 

Comments

[kcinnova]

Critics review: 2 thumbs up!
The horror of a wedding dress gone wild, the incompetency of a dry cleaning shop, the power of the mother of the bride - these will keep you on the edge of your seat until you reach the bliss of happily ever after, and the smiles of the bride and groom. As for the bride's tendency for procrastination, she claims she has ridden herself of this beast.
[I believe you have, Jenn...REALLY, I do!]

[Limbic Resonance]

Reading this almost caused me to try to find some xanax! But, you've got a movie worthy pre-wedding story! Seriously, you should submit that for a partial script idea!

[Smileyes]

Wow - I would have been freaking out!!! At least everything turned out well in the end :-)

[Deb]

Great story. Kind of like a metaphor for marriage right?
The ups, the downs, the grease.
(What?)
I don't know.

Deb
sandiegomomma.com

[Kellan]

That is some wedding dress story! I'm so glad it all worked out and that you lived happily ever after!!

Have a good weekend Jenn - see you later - Kellan

[Tootsie Farklepants]

Whew!!! I'm so glad it all turned out in the end! And why don't people do backyard receptions anymore? Because I'm not so secretly hoping that my daughter wants exactly that. Can you imagine how much a wedding will cost by the time she gets married?

[stephanie]

Oh dear heaven - thank goodness for the happy ending! You & your man are darling.

We had heartache with the bridesmaids' dresses but (amazingly) I was able to breathe deep and let it go. Eventually. Sort of.

[Kristen]

Ack! What a horror story! I am so glad you had a happy ending.
My mom made my dress and she only had a month, so it was pretty stressful for her to finish it that last night after the rehearsal. And we couldn't get some of the fabric we wanted, so it ended up not being what we dreamed. Oh well, it didn't matter at all in the end.
I love your photo, you guys are gorgeous!

[Fannie]

YOU have an awesome mother. Love the happy ending.

[Janet]

ahhh, you make eloping sound like such a great idea ;-)

[Jamie]

And where is this dress today? Betrothed to your daughter? In a fancy box for safe keeping? Glad it turned out happily ever after. The picture says it all.

[Mary Alice]

I was having heart palpatations reading this. Military Man decided not to tell me that he forgot to get his tux from the dry cleaner before my sister's wedding, until the day of, and the dry cleaner was already CLOSED. Fortunately it was a small town. My husband went to the police, who went to the dry cleaners HOUSE and got him to go down to the shop and open up.

[Smalltown Mom]

I'm glad this story had a happy ending!

[Hilary]

Great edge-of-the-seat story. Lovely looking couple too.

[suburbancorrespondent]

We eloped. I've offered to pay my children to do the same.

[Manic Mommy]

So, the Tijuana woman actually wore your dress to her own wedding? Was this a scam? Did she not realize it wasn't her dress? WTF?

Xanax = Good. I was 31 and somewhat of a Bridezilla. I was popping Klonopin like M&Ms.

The good news is I still love my china. My sister got married at 21 and now HATES everything she registered for in 1989.

[CC]

wow wow wow wow wow I hope you threw up all over the cleaners shop and (oops!) "forgot" to clean it up

[Jennifer H]

I hope the other couple lived as happily ever after as the two of you seem to be.

I would have needed handfuls of Xanax.

[JCK]

An amazing mother. And edge of the seat story. I may need a Xanax now to get my heart to stop pounding... The wedding picture says it all in your smile!

[Angie]

Ain't Xanax great?

How did you BREATHE??? HOLY CAJOLIES!

KEEP BELIEVING

[debbie]

Aaahh...if only that dress could talk...the stories it could tell!!! Great memory..thanks for sharing!!!
My dress, small veil, and shoes all cost me about $125!! No bridesmaids...two "best men" (my brothers) and my mom walked me down the aisle!! I love wedding stories!!!
Heard of xanax...never tried...hmmmm....better start a "summer shopping list"!!!
Have a great weekend!!!

[Mrs. G.]

I felt like I needed a Xanax as I was reading this post. I'm so glad it had a happy ending.

You two are cuties. And the dress looks fab.

[HRH]

That is one seriously crazy wedding dress story. Wow. And to wait until the night before to get the dress....no wonder Xanax was in order.

[kate]

i totally had to skip to the end first to see what happened and then went back to read. whew!

[Sam]

What a great story!

I had some harrowing down-to-the-wire adventures with my dress, too, but the greasy hand prints take the cake. They take my 5-tier basket-weave whipped cream frosting covered-in-bunches-of-fake-grapes cake! :)

Also, your mother gets the award for Most Useful Mother Ever. Imagine carrying Zanax for you! I took that stuff once--it was like walking on rainbows. Yummy. :)

[Suzanne]

Oh my gosh. That is quite a story...I can't believe all you went through. Did you at least keep the dress?

[The Introvert]

Wow! That is quite a story. I didn't have any dress drama. In fact my wedding was pretty much perfect - except that a member of my house party AND a groomsman backed out right before rehearsal dinner. But hey, I looked hot, so who cares?

[amy]

I was seriously just on the edge of my chair waiting for a happy ending - so glad it all worked.

[Cheri]

Yikes! I'm glad I found this post buried in my Google Reader! What an amazing story. I just knew there would be a a happily-ever-after at the end.