I'm not entirely sure what I'm going to do with an empty nest. Right now it's the 5 regulars (Me, Mr. Fix-it, MVP, Danger Boy, Social Butterfly) along with BIL and nephew, Gangsta Boy. Plus there's Victor and Matteas, our Brazilian house guests. My stepsister, TT, also spent the weekend with us.
Some people might be hiding out in their rooms or dry-swallowing Xanax. Me? I couldn't be happier. I get to cook for lots of people. I get to take them shopping and give them the thumbs up or down on whether or not that's a good price on the DC shoes or ONeill backpack. I got to translate Tetanus Shot into Portuguese with my handy dictionary and sterilize and apply steri-strips to a cut that was borderline for needing stitches.
And then there's the laundry . . .
It's not so much that I enjoy doing the laundry. What I enjoy is talking them into handing over. "Oh no, is okay. No is necessary." "Don't make me go get it myself! There's no way you're going back to Brazil with your mom thinking you didn't have clean underwear for 3 weeks. I couldn't live with myself." Laughter all around and I get to do the laundry. They get a pile of clean, fresh smelling clothes that makes them feel like someone cared. I'd call that a win-win.
Every morning after water polo practice, my boys, the Brazilians and a couple of other players descend upon my kitchen.
The remains of 2 lbs. of bacon and 2 loaves of bread.
In short, I get to be a mom and everyone gets to have a mom: even the ones who have moms in other places. The moms in other places get word that their son's underwear is being washed and they've had a big breakfast and that makes them happy.
Cooking and laundry and taking care of other people aren't the only things I do. They're not even the things I do best (I can also do a wicked literary analysis of 19th century literature and you do not want to try to best me in Scattergories).
These domestic skills are part of what makes me "me"--a feminist, a wife, a mother, a teacher, a friend-- and I'm darn proud of 'em. I get to make other people happy with these skills and that makes me happy.
From the feminist theory I've read over the years, I'd say you're wrong. Feminism means you get to choose to do what men choose to do; and if you choose anything else (especially mothering!) you have been oppressively enculturated. (Think I'm being facetious? Read Diana Tietjen Meyers, "The Rush to Motherhood." You might want something to bite on while you do.)
But don't worry, Jenn. You're clearly not a feminist. You're a canonizable saint.
Posted by: Kalynne Pudner | July 28, 2008 at 12:58 AM
So...should I make reservations or just show up????
Posted by: Susan | July 28, 2008 at 01:13 AM
Absolutely you are a feminist. You are showing that being a mother is a valid, loving, pride filled job (hopefully most of the time), and that you work hard. But, that you love it...that is the greatest part. The mothering/caretaking arts are feminine at our very core. Love it! They are so lucky to have you. Most especially your children.
Posted by: JCK | July 28, 2008 at 01:33 AM
It's all about choice and women didn't have that before. Whatever you want...as long as you chose it and not someone else.
Posted by: apathy lounge | July 28, 2008 at 01:36 AM
I've seen this Scattergories call out before...Hmmmm. Do Feminists have board game smackdowns?
I will gladly concede the joyful cooking to you; even if it involves lots of bacon & bread, I grow weary quickly.
And, um, why haven't we seen any pictures of this year's Brazilians yet? Just curious...
Posted by: stephanie (bad mom) | July 28, 2008 at 01:55 AM
As someone who has seen their own mother fail at this task in recent years and has had to go through shit on my own, I can only say that I'm sorry my mom didn't take lessons from you.
Posted by: Suzy | July 28, 2008 at 05:32 AM
We should all take lessons from you!
I like your form of feminism.
Posted by: kcinnova | July 28, 2008 at 05:55 AM
Feminism means being allowed to own that which makes you happy, in my opinion.
Posted by: manager mom | July 28, 2008 at 06:23 AM
I'm taking a lesson from you...I grew up with the "other" type of feminism somehow instilled in me. That "just" being a housewife and mother isn't enough. I didn't respect the work that the stay at home spouse did.
I hope I can readjust my "laundry attitude" to be as loving as yours!
Posted by: grumpy momma | July 28, 2008 at 06:42 AM
If it makes you happy that is all that matters! No matter what it is that does that!
Posted by: Claudia | July 28, 2008 at 08:24 AM
I'm surprised you had any bacon left over. My 12 yo son would eat an entire pound himself if I'd let him (plus several slices of French Toast).
With a houseful like that, its good you enjoy it. Hope it doesn't empty all at once on you.
Posted by: Katherine | July 28, 2008 at 09:04 AM
Will you be my mom for a day? Every once in a while I feel like I could use one.
Posted by: standing still | July 28, 2008 at 09:12 AM
So when me and my wife visit you from New York next February you'll be sooooo happy!!! I'd like to make you happy, while the weather in NY is awful and you have hot winter sunshine....
Posted by: gary | July 28, 2008 at 09:52 AM
You make it the house everyone wants to go to. Lucky family!
Posted by: Smalltown Mom | July 28, 2008 at 10:04 AM
Wow, leftover bacon??? I didn't know there was such a thing!
Posted by: Memarie Lane | July 28, 2008 at 10:25 AM
Last summer, my 13yo niece was part of a youth ambassadorship to Europe. The upside was obvious; cooking lessons in Tuscany, private tours of Parliment, approaching the beaches of Normandy by sea. The downside was handwashing their clothes - and a small price to pay.
During the homestays, many of the kids were mothered by their host families, including laundry duty and general pampering. The niece's host family happened to be camping that weekend. She got a tent and a cot. Again, small price to pay for the experience but...
Never discount the relief of the family at home knowing their child is being properly mothered so far from home.
Posted by: Manic Mommy | July 28, 2008 at 11:04 AM
How about Scrabble? Can you do that too?
I secretly love to do the laundry.
Posted by: magpie | July 28, 2008 at 12:12 PM
Great post, Jenn - I wanted to be there living wit you!
Take care - Kellan
Posted by: Kellan | July 28, 2008 at 12:54 PM
A full house is always the most comforting for me, too. Okay, that AND and empty house. I get about an hour of that every month.
Posted by: Just Jamie | July 28, 2008 at 12:55 PM
Such a beautiful woman. How loved they must all feel and how wonderful to be able to revel in your ability to create that for them.
Posted by: Kristen | July 28, 2008 at 12:59 PM
You're a born manager! I love housekeeping/family raising for the same reasons, I think. It takes a lot of organizational skills, plus it is very rewarding work (well, eventually, anyway).
Posted by: suburbancorrespondent | July 28, 2008 at 01:05 PM
Jenn,
Sound to me like you relish and excel at those functions which God (according to my Bible) created you to do. Sounds to my like you LOVE being a woman - nurturing, comforting, serving, helping, managing, feeding, encouraging.
Most feminists I know and that get the most media attention are the ones fighting themselves on doing what you have outlined in this post. They are the ones assuming, what? that someone else will do it? That is what I don't get about feminism.
I love it, too.
KEEP BELIEVING
Posted by: Angie @ Keep Believing | July 28, 2008 at 01:18 PM
Oops, misplaced the last sentence. I menat to say that I love it, too - that is doing all those things outlined in the first paragraph.
KEEP BELIEVING
Posted by: Angie @ Keep Believing | July 28, 2008 at 01:19 PM
WOW This sounds like fun. Although I have to go to work daily outside the home (and I like my job, usually), I love it when I can be home and be the Kool Aid Mom. I love a houseful of kids and taking care of them and being a big family. I always wanted a big family, but that didn't work out. And I like having just 2 kids, but it's fun to borrow other kids for the night or the day or the weekend. I think having an exchange student would be really fun, too! You go Girl - I like your Kind of Feminism!
Posted by: The Girl Next Door | July 28, 2008 at 01:58 PM
A lot of good came out of the feminist movement(s) over the years; voter rights, worker rights, legal rights, etc. It seems it got lost along the way that choosing to be a caretaker is just as valid a calling as any other.
Posted by: Fannie | July 28, 2008 at 03:16 PM
Feminism is all about you being the best woman you can be and you ARE!
Posted by: Lisa | July 28, 2008 at 03:16 PM
I love your approach to life. You seem like a great mom, and a fun and interesting person. You'd make a great flight attendant, too, btw.
Posted by: MereCat | July 28, 2008 at 04:32 PM
Jen, I liked this so much. I've spent to much time feeling like i shouldn't have to cook for everyone... now I'm learning to enjoy it.
Posted by: Madge | July 28, 2008 at 05:59 PM
I don't enjoy the day to day drudgery of house"making" but I love the challenge and opportunity of staying at home to raise my daughters. In order to do this, my huband owns a company and works daily doing back breaking hard labor to support us financially- the LEAST I can do is the cleaning. :) And that is called a compromise. We both give a little to get alot for our family. Isn't that what we strived for? The opportunity to be an equal partner in marriage and in life. The description of each half should be personal- as long as we all are equal.
Posted by: gina | July 28, 2008 at 06:14 PM
I'm glad someone likes them! ;) Can I come visit too!
Posted by: CC | July 28, 2008 at 07:57 PM
The beauty of feminism is the choice. Choice for women (stay at home or work) and choice for men (stay at home or work). I've always had a hard time understanding why so many disdain the feminist label. Its all about freedom to pursue that which makes you and your family happy. Not letting gender dictate what you should or shouldn't do.
Posted by: phd in yogurtry | July 28, 2008 at 09:11 PM
Well, I'm learning to like laundry.....
Posted by: Denise | July 29, 2008 at 12:22 AM
I kinda wanna test you in Scattegories.
Posted by: Tootsie Farklepants | July 29, 2008 at 01:16 AM
Wow. If you weren't much too young to be my mother I'd beg you to do it.
You are such a well-rounded person!
Posted by: Jason | July 29, 2008 at 11:54 AM
Oooh...bacon. It was probably really crispy too, huh? ~~sigh~~
yeah,yeah, and the rest of this post was really good too...what a great mom you are!!
So...can I put your name down for "possible homestays for the boys" in a couple of years!! I might have to come and check it out myself, first,you now...just to be sure!
Let me know..okay? Okay.
Posted by: debbie | July 29, 2008 at 12:43 PM
I love this post! I believe you are what is called a Renaissance woman.
Posted by: Mrs. G. | July 29, 2008 at 06:27 PM
sounds pretty right to me. do what you like. and can you come do it for me too though?
Posted by: kate | July 30, 2008 at 01:11 AM