In Which I Crack Like An Egg

Some of you may remember me talking about how I seem to have lost my crying mojo. I tried Terms of Endearment and ended up with no tears but some seriously funny drunk blogging. That's what the comments said anyway.

Last week I was on this fantastic vacation with people I love. It was bittersweet, but there was infinitely more laughter than sadness. (I was having posting troubles last week, so I'm going to include an old post as part of this post because I'm afraid not many people saw it and I think it was amazing). There was mountain biking, hiking, kayaking, relaxing, card games, raucous games of spoons, much alcohol consumption, huge breakfasts, killer candy (Avalanche Bark, some shopping and oodles of witty repartee. It's safe to say a great time was had by all.

On Wednesday one of my kids said something that really annoyed me. It pretty much pissed me off completely (it was rude, but obviously it affected me far beyond the usual routine snotty teenage comment). I decided to spend some time by myself to "get over my mad." (That's what Mr. Fix-it calls it). Then at dinner, a different child said something smart-ass. (Again, fairly standard teenage stuff, but it was the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back).

So I started crying. Not bawling, just leaking. I pretty much continued for the next 24 hours. Not all the time, just at random intervals. Especially lovely was when we were eating dinner at a restaurant and the hot, fat tears just started rolling down my face. Embarrassed much? I left the restaurant (and my fairly stunned companions) and cried in the car--really, really cried. Then I was done.

I'm fine now. Much better than before I'm sure. Maybe I'll really be able to 5K Ass along with Mrs. G now that my whole subconscious suppression of emotion issue seems to be resolving itself. I know that the 30 pounds I've gained since I first visited my terminally ill sister last August is all part and parcel of my grieving process and the way my body responds to grief. The same thing happened when my mother died in 2002. 30 lbs. in 3 months--and it's not like I just sat in front of a vat of ice cream shoveling it in. We all know people who just melt before your eyes during particularly stressful times--I am so not one of them.

I'm not going to post my posterior in underwear to give you an idea of what I'm looking to lose, but I will post a family picture that will NOT be our Christmas Card--hopefully our Christmas Card will not need a wide angle lens to accommodate my derriere.

Mr. Fix-it, Jenn, Grown-up Girl, Social Butterfly, Danger Boy, MVP, Music Man

Coming soon--a picture of less of Jenn!

This is the post from last week when I was having technical difficulties. I think this post alone will have made having this blog worthwhile to me in the long run.

 

 

Missing Man Formation

We miss you Thom.

Things we'll do in your memory this week: eat Danish from Schat's, Skol with some good Champagne, play backgammon, scatter some ashes at McLeod and Crystal lakes (as part of the evolving Thom's Cremains' Roadshow and Memorial), pet Bob the dog, listen to some great music, talk into the wee hours about why we all loved you, laugh, and cry.

 

Both of these photos were taken by Music Man. The one above is of the spot where we had just scattered some of Thom's ashes (right at the stand of pines that is jutting into the water). We were walking back and MM felt compelled to stop, take a picture (directly into the sun which we all know never works out), and this is what he got. Thom was a photographer and Music Man is a photographer; photography was a big part of their special bond. Like pennies from heaven, you have to recognize the signs our loved ones send us.

Comments

[Just Jamie]

You know, I'm glad you cracked a wee bit. Makes you (even) more lovable. I had the same damn hot, tears embarrassing me this week, once in church, once in TJ Maxx. Why do they have to sneak out like that?

[San Diego Momma]

I think the crying is healthy for you. Me? I elevate it to an art form, not that you asked.

And that really is a beautiful place. Where is it?

[Tammi]

Every once in a while it is just inevitable...the tears just flow.
Theraputic.
Glad you're feeling better.

[Kalynne Pudner]

I can't even SEE your derriere in that picture...wide angle, indeed.

[oliver rain]

I wish I had trouble crying. I cry far too much, though my optomitrist like to tell me I am tear-deficient. I'm glad you were able to let it out. Crying is very therapeutic and I'm sure you felt better after. These are beautiful pictures. I love the shadows especially.

[Yo]

ahhhhh.... grief. it hits in the strangest of places, at the worst times. like a punch in the gut. cars are safe for me. i prefer holding it (if i can) until the car.

try not looking crazy in line at vons. THAT'S fun.

and you're totally normal.

[JCK]

I'm so glad the tears came. They always do. Just sometimes not when we want them to.

The post on Thom was just as lovely the 2nd go round.

[Melanie @ Mel, A Dramatic Mommy]

Your subconscious was ready to let it all out. A good cry can work wonders.

[MereCat]

TWO very nice posts. I love "missing man formation." That was beautiful. And sorry about the emotional dambreak. I hope you feel better soon. You are a busy and inspiring person. i love reading your blog. You have a certain special wisdom.

[BOSSY]

The Missing Man Formation photo - sooooooooo great.

[gary]

It is a great family picture!

[Suzanne]

How come I was able to see the 2nd post last week? Perhaps I have some super powers?
I love the photos.
The family photo is beautiful, and you look great, don't be so hard on yourself. (but I understand, I am feeling too large for MYSELF too)
I have the opposite problem as you, I cry at the drop of a hat. happy tears, sad tears, it does not matter. I finished my Bees book on Tuesday and cried through the last 150 pages. happy tears no less.
crazy.

[amy]

I think crying cleanses one's soul! Now, I have been crying for a week (its a long story)- does that mean I am pretty clean and pure now? lol

[Arli]

Hope your crying spell helped move you further down the path of dealing with your grief over the loss of your sister and your close friend. Those pictures really "say" it all. Beautiful.

[CircusKelli]

Grief and stress can all sneak up on you. I've learned that the hard way.

(( Hugs ))

Take care, love.

[Fannie]

Come on over my way, I've been crying since yesterday afternoon and I'd like some company.

[MamaHenClucks]

Four years ago my brother was nearly killed in a serious car accident. For almost three weeks we waited for him to wake up, debating with doctors on whether he should be taken off of life support.

I thought that I had cried so many tears then that I could never cry again and yet so often, on days when I least expect it, I find a lump in my throat and tears threatening because - darn it anyway- life as we knew it will never, ever be again. Although he ended up surviving, the face of our family is forever changed.

You can't put loss or grief in a box. You have suffered so much in the past year and there will be times from here on out when you will just need to cry. And it is ok. I love, love that picture of the Missing Man. I would frame it and hang it in my office.

Hugs.

[Cheri @ Blog This Mom!]

Oh. Missing man formation photo made ME cry.

And? I love your ass.

[kcinnova]

I agree with MamaHenClucks - that missing man formation photograph is suitable for framing. And like Cheri, it made me cry. Twice.
I'm glad you could finally get some tears out. I know it helps with your emotional health, and I hope it helps the weight loss, too.

[mandy]

I'm a don't eat when stressed person. I hope you feel better and feel better about yourself soon!

(My husband is planning on buying Wii fit to motivate himself!)

[Angie @ Keep Believing]

Amazing what emotions do to us: Take us by surprise. Don't let up. Humiliate us...

Personally, I think a good cry is great for the self - the next day, that is. The day of a good cry, I am exhausted.

KEEP BELIEVING

[Jennifer H]

The Missing Man Formation photo? Wow. I was also going to suggest framing it. An amazing photo.

Sounds like you had a breakthrough that you needed.

[janet]

I'm glad you could finally cry, even if it was inopportune at times :-)

Claudia wrote a great post about loosing weight...#3 reminded me of what you said here:

http://www.on-a-limb.com/2008/08/13/thursday-thirteen-odd-but-true-facts-about-losing-weight/

[Denise]

The Missing Man picture is priceless. You should frame it!

Let me know how the diet goes. I've been working out like hell since Feb. and can't get it off. I could use some pointers!

[Kellan]

I am not someone who cries. I seldom ever cry. When I do - it is in small spurts and rambages. I have found where it feels like I could use a good cry, but not able to cry. I hope you are lots better now and ... Alexis and I are on a diet - as of Monday!

Take care - Kellan

[wenderina]

Jenn - I've been neglectful in my blogging and reading of blogs, so this is why I have this "all encompassing comment" to leave.

1. Your tributes to your friend are beautiful and I can only imagine the sweet pain you are feeling with every moment of your trip.

2. I'm sure the tears that flowed were for so many things that you were not ready to fully express until now. But oh, what a relief in the release when you are ready.

3. I wish I was local so I could be among your blogger nights out. You all look so wonderfully energized and fun-loving.

4. Keep blogging. Your stories, amusing quotes, heartfelt sharing are just wonderful to enjoy. Soon you will surpass Mrs. G in fame and followers.

[Angela]

A good cry is sometimes all it takes.
Sending some smiles.
Hope you have a good rest of the week.

[Tina]

Sometimes it all just gets to be too much. Sending heartfelt hugs your way, sweetie.

[Shelia]

I think you LOOK beautiful! I've gained 40lbs recently, so I GET it! Your family is lovely!

I'm so sorry about the loss of your sister. That has got to be really painful! I can't even imagine!

And your friend, Thom. So sorry. His kids are so lucky to have you as extended family! After my dad died, no one talked about him! I got a lot of "I don't remember" responses when I asked about him!

The fact that the kids have all of you is PRICELESS!

Love to you!

[Shelia]

Oh, and I cry all. the. time!

[Shelia]

Oh, and I cry all. the. time!

[Shelia]

Oh, and I cry all. the. time!

[Shelia]

Oh, and I cry all. the. time!

[Trooper Thorn]

I won't pretend to understand why you are crying Jenn, but I'll keep posting funny things as frequently as I can to keep you laughing. Thank you for coming by every day.

[manager mom]

Oh, Jenn, I am so sorry to hear about all of the stress. Don't be too hard on yourself about the weight thing. We may not have met, but I can tell from your writings that you are beautiful through and through.

[Amy the Mom]

What a beautiful set of photos.

And get over your ass-it's beautiful, and there's nothing wrong with women our age being what I like to call "fluffy."