Letters To Those I Met On The Open Road

Dear Guy parked next to my minivan at a truck stop in Utah,

I was pretty obviously impatiently patiently waiting for you to close your door so I can get into my car and leave (my husband sitting in the driver's seat with the car running was the subtle hint). While I'm about to be sick enjoying the view of both your back tattoo and your entire ass boxer shorts, I'd also like to get going as I have 10 more hours until I get home. Plus, it is like 100 degrees so the sooner I can get in the air conditioning the better. Of course, I do understand the need to clean out your car occasionally on a long trip--I just pause if doing so is holding the person next to me up. Also, thanks for spitting right in front of my car door as you stood up. Nothing says Road Trip! like a great big loogie.

 

Dear Girl with the Guy parked next to my minivan at a truck stop in Utah,

On the inside of the door in the women's restroom is the number for a woman's crisis center. Apparently you can just wait in the bathroom and they'll come pick you up. I appreciate your being very young, seriously pregnant and not able to afford a shirt that covers your belly, but judging from the possessive hold he has on your upper arm, he is probably not your Prince Charming. Think about it.

 

Dear Sorority Girl risking your life by crossing against the red light while laughing uproariously,

You may have noticed that the rest of the student body is presenting sort of a chill, outdoorsy, athletic feel. Your hot pink tube dress, ratted black hair and cigarette really make you stand out. However, if the look you're going for is hawt you bypassed that and went straight to hawt mess.

 

Dear Parents that are bringing your students their own mattresses,

Come on! If they can't survive by sleeping on a less than perfect mattress when they're 18,h ow on earth will they be up for backpacking across Europe on $20.00 a day before they have to get serious about earning a living.

 

Dear Parents of all the freshman girls moving into the dorms,

Hahahahahaha. I know my day will come with Social Butterfly, but in the meantime it took us less than an hour to move in and get organized. Boys just do not care about matching throw pillows or coordinating bedding with their roommate. It's pretty nice. We're going out to lunch and to take a nap at the hotel now, see you later.

 

Dear Mother who was squeezing her 12 year old daughter's hand while darting her eyes around the bathroom frantically and then went into the stall with her at Terrible's Resort & Casino truck stop,

Quit watching 24 hours news coverage; you're paranoid.

 

Dear Very Rough Looking Chick in the bathroom at Terrible's Resort & Casino truck stop,

It was so nice of you to walk over to a woman you didn't know, smooth down her dress where it was flipped up, and keep going. You rock!

 

Dear 70ish Clint Eastwood doppelganger (except scrawnier) at Terrible's,

The red short shorts and the red fleece ripped belly shirt? Bold choice.

Comments

[shelia]

You're so observant! And, you are seriously funny. Glad you're home now! Take it easy!

[kcinnova]

Bwahahaha! Except for the pregnant girl.

[Grumpy momma]

Hilarious!!!

[gary]

Hey, I just found out Fort Collins is the 2nd best town in the US (number one in other years). How about that? Who wouldn't want to go there for college?
http://fcgov.com/fcfacts.php?ID=6

[Suz]

So funny....I especially loved the hawt mess.....thanks for the smiles.

[Manic Mommy]

God love Very Rough Looking Chick! Pregnant chick - poignantly funny.

[Jen on the Edge]

It appears you had an interesting weekend.

[jenrantsraves]

HA - Love it! I always notice people, and there are a lot I would like to send a letter to.

[mandy]

funny and a bit sad at the same time...

[janet]

I love that you look around you and SEE. Poor girl, tho...

[Julie]

Isn't it amazing what you see on the road! Glad you made it there and back safely!

[Mamasphere]

This was hilarious to read! Rest stops are great for people watching. But I don't think I would've had the patience to wait for that guy to get out of my way on his own free time.

[Lisa]

HA! Except the pregnant girl--I hope she is OK.
Everything else again--funny :)

[Oliver Rain]

I hate those people that take forever to get into their car and block the way to my door. What about the people that take forever at the gas tank, you know, they get their gas, then take 27 minutes to pay for it, then remember to use the facilities, then clean out their back seats & glove compartments. Oh, don't get me started.

I think I'd love to do a road trip with you. I imagine laughing my head off.

[Claire B]

Great observations. Didn't you just want to DO something for the pregnant girl? I feel so helpless in times like those.

[Jennifer H]

So funny. And I agree with every last bit of it except for the mattress. (Lord knows what happens on those things, plus I read the bedbug post at Apathy Lounge and am still not over it. Granted, a different mattress wouldn't have prevented that problem, but...)

Yeah, I'll be the idiot parent buying fresh mattresses.

You made me laugh!

[Don Mills Diva]

The last one made me laugh out loud!

How did you know "bold choice" is one of my fav expressions/ insults?

[MamaHenClucks]

I love your observations. Hawt mess, bold choices - sad pregnant girl. I think your roadtrip must have been lots of fun.

[Minnesota Matron]

Dear Jenn,

The next time you're going to write a blog post that will be so funny that a mama with a bladder infection who has given birth to a ten pound baby will pee her pants, would you please warn us ahead of time?

Laughing,

The Matron

[MereCat]

The world is so vivid. And not necessarily in a good way.

[The Mom Bomb]

Oooh! You've got a way with visuals, lady!

[Melissa]

Hahahahaha! You totally made my day!

[Nora Bee]

I feel like I was on that trip with you. (and none of those people were me, I promise)

[Kristen]

Lovin' the attitude Jenn!
My favourite is by far the girl who smoothed down the woman's skirt. Very cool.

[KathyR]

"Red fleece ripped belly shirt."

Fleece + belly shirt. With rips. In red.

Holy moley.

[Hilary]

snort!