Best Family

I usually have my Friday post planned out at least a few days in advance--I have to pick a photo and think of the story. This week I had zero time to do that--but everything happens for a reason. As I write this, there's a different story I have to tell.

There's a cast of characters on my sidebar and this lovely young lady goes by the name of "Bugs.

One unexpected side effect of being a non-traditional college student means that this year I'm going to college with my best friend's daughter. Tonight I got to check out her dorm suite (believe me, this is not your old school dorm!) and take her out to dinner.

The story of Bugs cannot be told without you knowing that she suffered a great tragedy in her life at the age of 18, the loss of her father. An anomaly of life is that the times in our lives that cause us the most pain are the times of the  most intense personal growth. So Bugs is not an ordinary college freshman; she's an exceptionally mature and responsible college freshman and she is the first of my son's friends to become the person they have the potential to be.

It's not that she doesn't have learning to do or experiences to have before she's truly an adult; it's that she is the person she was going to become 5 or 6 or 10 years from now. Because of what she's had to deal with, she is that woman today. The reason behind this is sad, but the outcome is breathtaking.

To enjoy a dinner of equals with someone you've known since she was in kindergarten, who you butted heads with when she was a headstrong middle-schooler, who you watched change at grow and mature at warp speed so her father could have the joy of seeing his oldest daughter become an adult before he died . . . it's really quite an experience.

In our three hours of conversation that spanned topics as varied as my oh-so-funny oldest son who we are both missing, the hookup culture of today, how rude it is that some students talk while the professor's lecturing, how she worries about her mom and sister, how much we both miss her dad, and strategies for dealing with the sometimes crushing workload of college, she coined a phrase I want to share with you.

I was saying how it just seemed so inadequate to me to say "my best friend's husband died." Of course not everybody needed to be told that he was also my good friend and confidante, my husband's best friend, a mentor to Music Man, and like a favorite uncle who was also a friend to Grownup Girl, MVP, Danger Boy and Social Butterfly, as well as the father of my children's best friends, but that explanation does a much better job of describing how much Thom meant to me and my family.

Bugs said, "I know, it's like you're our best family. Like best friends, but even more." Best family"--it's a perfect term for the intricate web of relationships you have when you have a friendship between two families that is elevated to the point our friendship is. Just as I would be bursting with pride if it were my own daughter handling herself with such grace and determination as Bugs is, so am I bursting with pride over her. As is her father--of that I'm sure.

Comments

[Tina]

What an incredibly sweet post. I love the "best family" phrase - our family has a best family too and it's indeed wonderful. Having lost my dad at 18 too, I know how tough it is. My heart goes out to Bugs.

[kcinnova]

"Best family" ...beautifully said, beautifully described.

[Grumpy momma]

Tina said it great.
My heart goes out to all, as well.

[Deb D]

What a beautiful post.

[Reluctant Blogger]

You have such a gift for writing about people, making them seem real, as if I might know them. I wish I did know Bugs.

Will she get to read this? I rather hope so.

[Jen on the Edge]

I love that phrase.

Here, we use the expression "chosen family." We may not be able to choose our family, but we can choose our friends and, if we're lucky, some become like family.

[gary]

Listen, there has GOT TO BE a way that your son marries her, so you can be firmly related!

[gary]

I should add, the combined genes would result in some very very cute grandkids for you, don't you think?

[Fannie]

You are all lucky to have each other.

[Suzanne]

I love this. She is such a great young woman and it is obvious how much you mean to each other. How nice that you can share such great meaningful conversations together.
I wish her the best in life.
Thanks for sharing.

[Lori]

You guys are so lucky to have each other. I hope that we can someday find close relationships like your family seems to do with ease.

[Janet]

She's lucky to have you and your family and vice versa!

[MamaHenClucks]

I got a little teary eyed because I don't even know these people, but I find myself being really proud of this girl, too. What a perfect phrase. Best Family. How lucky you are to have one of those.

[Denise]

What a truly beautiful post. And beautiful girl.

[Tricia]

This is a beautiful testament to her, and to your best family.

[LifeAsIKnowIt]

What a lovely post and a lovely young woman. I love the term Best Family - beautiful.

[Trooper Thorn]

Thanks for your entry on my story contest. I'm glad Bug will not be the character in question.

[jenrantsraves]

What a nice post. I love that - best family. I have a couple myself, and never knew how to phrase it. I always just call them my adopted family.

[Joyce-Anne]

What a beautiful post. While I don't know Bugs, she is a truly, lovely young woman. And, the term Best Family is great.

[McSwain]

Okay, that made me cry. Happy tears, sad tears, emotional tears... maybe tears for us all. Everyone should get to have a best family.

[bermudabluez]

Very beautiful, sentimental post! The term "Best Family" sure suits this group.

[She]

She's lovely. You are amazing! We all need BEST FAMILY, don't we!

I'm so glad she has so many wonderful adults in her life during this time (and always).

[Cheri @ Blog This Mom!]

Great title for this post.

Take care Jenn.

[Madge]

what a blessing to have a best family. we don't have that, never have. sounds wonderful.

[Susan]

It says so much about Bugs that she has come through such a horrible time being so much stronger and mature. Too many times, people end up going the opposite way.

I love the phrase "best family" and plan on stealing it right away.

[Pat]

a comment to do this post justice...? well, all i can say is, she must be a remarkable girl and how great of YOU to put it into such words.