It Takes A Village

While Mr. Fix-it and I were taking MVP to college, we parceled Danger Boy and Social Butterfly out. Danger Boy went to his bff, Other Danger Boy's house. He goes to a different school, so I paid an older teammate to pick DB up and get him to and from the 2-A-Day Hell Week Water Polo practices.

Social Butterfly spent the first couple of days at Cheer Friend's house, then came to stay with our friends and neighbors, Jay and Quynh. SB has been babysitting for their 2+1/2  old twins, Lauren and Grace, since the girls were born.

Grace and Lolo love Social Butterfly and the feeling is mutual. She isn't just their babysitter, she hangs out with them just for fun. But it isn't just Grace and Lolo SB has a great relationship with, it's also their mom, Quynh. Sometimes we joke that SB's best friend is 30 years old.

Quynh and SB take the girls shopping, out to eat, on walks, to the zoo. They talk to each other like friends. They talk to each other about a lot.

Quynh was a high-powered pharmaceutical sales rep; she's owned her own recruiting firm, and she's an entrepreneur. She has had jobs and experiences that I've never dreamed of. Our skill sets, and the wisdom we can offer SB, are very different.

She's taken SB to Gymboree and taught her how to market and sell herself as a babysitter. She talks to SB about college and the work force. She encourages her to be the best she can at whatever she does. She champions the competitive spirit. She is a living example of a young woman who is figuring out her life/work/family balance day to day.

Quynh and SB have a relationship that is not a peer relationship, but not the same as being friends with your friend's mom.  I know that SB often uses Quynh's house as a refuge when her brother's are teasing her too much. I love that she has a place to go where she's happy, appreciated, educated, and loved by someone else.

I really "get" Quynh and SB's relationship. I had a similar situation with a neighbor whose 4 children I babysat for and whose ironing I did. Katy influenced my life positively in so many ways and I'm lucky that I still get to chat with her in the grocery store. Even though it makes me feel totally old that the babies I held are the parents of toddlers.

I really believe in the concept "It takes a village to raise a child." Parents, extended family, friends, coaches, teachers, and neighbors are all part of the village. If you're really lucky, you get villagers like Quynh, Jay and the twins to help you out.

Just before we left to take MVP to school, Quynh told us they were putting their house on the market in preparation for moving to Northern California for a job.

We are sad.

The plan is to have SB fly up to see them during the summer or spring break. I'll do everything I can to make it happen. Sometimes you have to travel to see your villagers!

Off topic but it's on my mind . . .

        Just Like Me? I'd Prefer Not!

Without going into specific political viewpoints, I'd like to make an observation. I keep hearing political pundits saying that women are going to love Sarah Palin "Because she is just like them."

Ummm, yeah. I don't want a  Vice-President (or President) just like me. I want someone smarter, more educated, and more experienced than me.

And this running a large family is similar to running a large corporation or The United States of America business? Ummmm, no. I've been pretty successful for about 20 years with the running a large family thing--I'm still not feeling qualified to be Vice-President (President). Thoughts?

Comments

[phd in yogurtry]

I so agree, "it takes a village." And it speaks volumes that you support SB and Quyhn's relationship. You're a generous mom.

Re: the Palin commentary. here, here. Right now I'm thoroughly disgusted with the right wing playing the "sexist" card over legitimate criticisms about her credentials. Its fair game for male candidates? Its fair game for female candidates.

[Tina]

Well, personally, I think you'd be a great Vice President. And you have four years to learn all you need to know. Poor Sarah only has a week or so. I say you should certainly be on the ticket in 2012!

Sorry to hear your friends are moving. I guess you're just expanding the borders of your village. Not a bad thing...

[Kalynne Pudner]

I'm with Tina: you'd be a great asset to any ticket, Jenn. I personally (realizing I differ from almost all of my bloggy friends here) like Palin as VP. She's NOT like me...she doesn't have as many kids! More importantly, I could never, ever live in a place as big and wild and COLD as Alaska, much less run its government.

[kate]

ummmm. no.

that cracked me up.

did you read suburban correspondent's? oh man. it was good.

i'm sorry for sb.

palin could be vp. i like her, and i'm pretty sure being the vp is super easy. because dan quayle.

[Cheri @ Blog This Mom!]

I'd rather vote for Jenn. You have much better hair than Palin. Oh, and you're trustworthy, organized, motivated, and smart as hell. So, yeah. Jenn for VP.

[grumpy momma]

This is bad, but it's a miracle I even know the presidential candidate's names. And I agree - I would not, not, NOT want someone like me running for VP.

I am still leaning the ropes of managing a household of 4, nevermind all the rest.

[manager mom]

I think that's wonderful that SB has such a great mentor/role model in your neighbor...and even better that you are strong and secure enough in yourself that you're not threatened by it.

You rock, Jenn. I don't really think that anyone truly can gather all of the experience to be qualified to be a VP or Pres from day one. I think it's a matter of intelligence, and common sense and good judgment. By that standard, you'd get my vote. :-)

[suburbancorrespondent]

You've got my opinion on her qualifications right here: http://suburbancorrespondent.blogspot.com/2008/09/it-takes-mother.html

But, seriously? You'd have to look at political experience more than personal experience anyway.

The one thing that bugs me is that the right owes Hillary an apology for lambasting her for being a working mother. Suddenly, it's okay?

[Suzanne]

I love the relationship SB has with your good neighbor friend.
I have this with a few of my girls friends, the ones that don't have their Mom around them. I feel like I have more than 2 kids and I don't mind it at all. I enjoy helping to make them better young women too.

[gary]

I think Sarah Palin is turning off voters in the middle while making the far right excited. Which helps Obama.
Kids are lucky to have a coach or teacher or neighbor who lends a hand or some perspective! My sister was much older than me, and she was thankfully a mentor like your neighbor.

[MamaHenClucks]

How sad that your neighbors and friends are moving. When Chickie Boy was a baby, our little babysitter was the only girl we ever called. I knew her mom from other things, but it was the relationship with our sitter that I treasured. She was such a blessing and then they moved away. We still keep in touch and she sends cards and emails and pictures, but we've never recovered from the loss of our favorite sitter and wonderful friend :)

[Mandy]

re Palin... It's hard for me to view her objectively since I disagree with most of her viewpoints on social issues. However, that being said, I don't think that her political experience is sufficient to make me comfortable with her as VP. Running a city (as mayor) and running a family are valuable skills, but not, in my mind, enough to make one qualified to run a country.

[Memarie Lane]

I had a family like that too, they lived right behind me when I was a teenager and I'd just hop over the back wall. Not only did I babysit them, I'd go over there pretty much anytime just to hang out. They were a great family, and worked as foster parents. They also worked for the public school system even though they were homeschoolers. :P

I agree about the Sarah Palin thing. At first I was just thrilled a woman had been chosen, but now I feel like I'm being patronized.

[Kristen]

SB is so fortunate to have a woman like that in her life, on top of you as a mom. I am so sad for you guys that they are moving.

[jyl @ mommygossip]

Saw you over on Don Mills Diva and thought I'd top by for a visit. What a fun site. Love your post. Will have to browse through more of them later.

And... I agree about the village concept. My mom was the Kool-aid mom when I was growing up. It was fun to have everyone over and have her be so cool with it.

[Lori]

I agree that it takes a village. I was lucky enough to have a really great aunt that I was/am super close to. I also babysat for a family that I adored, I was terribly sad when we moved away from them.

As for Sarah Palin, I don't like her, period. And I don't think that women should just like her bc she's a woman and has a family. There are plenty of moms out there that I don't like! And she's one of them.

[Janet]

those girls are adorable :-)

[ms. changes pants while driving]

i agree. i don't want a vp who drinks too much during the week. =)

[ms. changes pants while driving]

and i meant to say, yes, it does take a village. and you have a wonderful village.

[Shelley]

I think Memarie Lane has it exactly right...we're being patronized. It's like they're saying "Oh look...she's a woman. You're all woman. You all have vaginas! Vote for her!" I also think they're playing to the crowd who is still upset that Hillary lost. Not that I would have ever voted for my illustrious senator McCain anyway, because I've never liked him, but I'm insulted that they've brought on a working mom/woman/whatever for the sole purpose of swaying the female vote. Because I'm sorry, but being the governor of Alaska for two years qualifies you to...what? Shoot moose? Cut the ribbon at the annual polar bear swim?

[Stacie]

Hey, just wanted to let you know that I think you used SB's name in the 3rd paragraph. I wasn't sure if you were totally against using their names, but if you are, I wanted to point it out to you! :) (And if that is her name, I totally love it!)

[Manic Mommy]

SB has a mentor and that is wonderful! Especially if its someone you too admire. You're a good mom not to be jealous.

As for Sarah Palin, I am So On Board with your thoughts. I hate the insult to women that because we may be able to relate to her as a mom, we will flock to her as a candidate. She's seems likeable but not ready. And as my friend Marilyn expressed. Who counsels their 17 year old to get married because she's pregnant? Sure, have the baby. I'll support you and love him/her but marriage??

Lastly, because you got me started. They call her prolife because she had a Downs baby. I'm prochoice but I wouldn't have aborted because of that. That's why it's called "choice."

[Melissa]

I want to think they relate to her because she's not of the elite political insider group that we all feel have sold us out for money and power. That's my take on it.

I hear you on the villages raising our children. Lucky you to have such support!

[Susan at 2lives]

What a wonderful gift SB has had with your neighbor. I'm really glad that you are going to do all you can to keep the relationship going. A girl really needs another adult she can trust to help her along the way.

As for Sarah...all I had heard about her was that she was hot, was govenor of AL, had a special needs baby and a peggers teen. So...I watched her speech.

I want to like her...I really do. She seems charming and devoted to her family and country. Yet, she seems to have a bit of a nasty side to her hidden right below the surface.

I'm insulted that I'm supposed to love her because "she's just like me." She's not and I don't want her as VP.

[hen]

Sometimes you have to travel to see your villagers!

...quite true...missed you and your wise words
x

[CC]

So it sounds like SB has a mentor. Right?! That is so awesome and such a great influence on her life. But so sad they are moving.

And re: SP.... no thanks. Nuf said.

[ms_teacher]

Your post struck a nerve in me. I had a conversation with a parent today regarding one of my students. She made mention of the fact that her son is angry because his dad is not around. She then went on to say that she didn't mean it as an excuse, but just to let me know.

I know that being a single parent is a very tough job. Tougher than any of us who are in a committed relationship raising a family could ever understand. I get that. However, it would seem to be that if I knew that about my son, then I would be doing everything in my power to hook him up with some powerful male mentors.

It does take a village! I wish that more people would understand this.

Finally, Palin doesn't speak for me on so many levels.

[Kellan]

Hi Jenn- I just wanted to let you know that I am posting your "Teens Will Be Teens?" post On The Flipside for tomorrow. Thanks again for being a guest blogger and for offering this post and topic.

Have a good Friday - Kellan

[debbie]

How great that SB has had the experience of being such a great part of the girls' lives. They will never forget her!! So sad they are leaving, but...traveling works too!

I totally agree with you (and many of the comments) about Palin...that whole " she's just like you" stuff really rubs me wrong. Actually...No...she is not like me and I am so totally NOT like her!!
And the Dem. Party is saying that Obama doesn't have the experience...puh-lease!

[The Girl Next Door]

Oh yeah, this whole Palin thing is cracking me up. Me, the Republican (I have recently come out of the closet after kalynne's post). My dad, a nearly 80YO staunch, right wing, Yankee Republican is so proud of the Republicans "sticking it to Obama" by picking someone "Like Hilary." Oh dad. Pu-leeas. Those who know me know I was moving to the Carribean if Hil got elected. BUT the woman has experience. I give her that. Palin? Not so sure....sigh I hate politics. So Much.

[Just Jamie]

First of all, I need SB to be closer so she can spill her twin-ly love on my babes. Better yet, maybe I can move into Quynh's home...?

[Quynh]

I'm thrilled we were able to make the Spring Break happen; I spoke with SB last week and told her to do some research and let me know if she has anything in mind. Of course, I have ideas in mind but I want to hear what she wants to do.