Juggling Life

The Siren Call

Social Butterfly and I had just come in from a basketball game--she needed to gather some things so I could drop her off at a friend's house to spend the night. Before we came in she warned me not to blog--she would just be a minute. I sat down at the computer while she was packing her bag.

SB (wailing): You're blogging!

Me: Nope. Facebook.

SB: Even worse!

The Winter Of My Discontent

The blogosphere has been rife with stories of sick children and sick parents and sick families who just pass the plague back and forth to each other so everyone stays sick. This has not happened in my house. This year. There was a time though . . .

First, you have to understand that I am a night owl and that while I love my kids dearly I have always felt that one of the reasons I was a good mother was that I made sure to carve out lots of alone time. When my kids were young, they went to bed at 7 p.m. and I went to bed at 1 a.m. They got up about 6 a.m., so I got a solid 5 hours of sleep a night. So I had 3 kids in 4 years (none of whom slept through the night until 8 months or later) and didn't get but a few hours of sleep a night and maybe a 20 minute nap during the day. Bound to catch up with who?

It was the winter and spring of '96/97--a year that will live in infamy. Mr. Fix-it was traveling a lot for work, so I was flying solo most of the time. It started in November, when Social Butterfly got a UTI (at the age of two?!). Then she got an ear infection. Then MVP got the flu. Then Danger Boy got the flu. Then SB got the flu. Then I got the flu. Then SB got bronchitis. Then I got bronchitis. Then MVP got the flu. Then DB got the flu. Then SB got the flu. Then I got the flu. Then SB got bronchitis. Then I got bronchitis. Then I got pneumonia.

They put me on an antibiotic to which I had a severe and unusual side-effect--anxiety and depression. Anxiety so severe that I had to call Mr. Fix-it to come from work to help me stave off a full-blown panic attack. Depression so deep that I sat on the couch with tears rolling down my face for 2 days straight. It wasn't until I was done with the medication and the symptoms disappeared that the Doctor made the connection. I know how lucky I am that this is my only brush with depression and it has served to make me a more understanding and compassionate person.

That was our November through March. Spring arrived and I looked forward to a familial return to good health. The gods laughed. Grownup Girl's head started itching horribly over spring break. You know what's coming, don't you? Head lice for all the kids. For days I washed hair and nit-picked and laundered and vacuumed with clean bags and bagged stuffed animals and scratched my head obsessively.

A week later, MVP's head started to itch. Full-grown lice infested his head. For days I washed hair and nit-picked and laundered and vacuumed with clean bags and scratched my head obsessively. I blamed it on the shared helmets in Little League and bought him his own helmet.

A week later, MVP's head started to itch.  Full-grown lice infested his head. I broke down and cried. For days I washed hair and nit-picked and laundered and vacuumed with clean bags and scratched my head obsessively. I went to the school. I reported it and asked that the other students in his first grade be checked. 13 out of 20 students in his class had head lice. Notes went home. I assumed all the other parents washed hair and nit-picked and laundered and bagged stuffed animals and vacuumed with clean bags. I was wrong.

A week later, MVP's head started to itch. I fought off full-blown hysteria. I found that our school district's policy allowed students to return to school with nits in their hair as long as the parents said they'd washed their hair with Nix. For days I washed hair and nit-picked and laundered and vacuumed with clean bags and scratched my head obsessively and vowed, "Never again."

First I got the nurse to agree to check the head of every student in the school (700ish).  The student population was infested. I was part of the team that did this (the kids began calling me the lice-principal). Then I contacted the school district and demanded asked them to change their policy. They argued that in lower-income schools they would have no students in attendance if they didn't permit them to come with nits in their hair. I argued that they change the policy, but grant those schools waivers. They did!

One of the things I found out in my lice education is that they particularly like clean hair. Who gave her kids a bath and washed their hair every night of their lives. You know it.

I don't if this story will make those of you who are currently dealing with the plague feel better or worse. Either way, just know you will survive. Probably.

We Got Rhythm, Yes We Do . . .

There are a lot of ingredients in a successful, long-term marriage. I would put commitment to the marriage (as in there is no escape, so figure it out) and a great sense of humor and fun with one another at the top of the ingredient list. For Mr. Fix-it and I there's something else we have that really means a lot to me, and to our marriage. We're a team.

The Saturday night before Christmas we had a dinner party--not too big, 12 people, buffet-style. When the last guest was ushered through the door, to happily wobble home, it was clean up time. Now I know there are people that just turn off the lights and go to bed, leaving the mess for tomorrow. We are not those people. I'd just lie in bed, hyperventilating over the mess downstairs.

I know I'm really weird, but I love these times, cleaning up after a party. Hopefully the party has gone well and there are little comments to be made as I gather dishes and leftover food and he loads the dishes into the dishwasher and fills Tupperware. We exchange pleasantries over the food (it was delicious) and the introductions of new neighbors to old (they went swimmingly). I wipe down the bar and the table while he starts the dishwasher and hand washes the champagne flutes. I sweep while he blows out candles and takes dirty linens out to the washer and turns off Christmas lights. Before you know it we are done and ready to go to bed ourselves.

Everyone is happy and filled with a warm sense of the accomplishment of hosting a lovely evening; no one feels put-upon or taken advantage of or like he/she got the short end of the stick. It certainly makes the heading up to bed part nicer when you go as a team.

My Hometown

The waterfront in Downtown San Diego. The ship is The Star of India. The sculpture is public art placed there by the Port District--the pieces rotate and they're always pretty cool. The shimmery finish on the marlin is made out of CDs.

Danger Boy and Social Butterfly have both spent the night on The Star of India and climbed in that rigging as part of an overnight school field trip.

Being Me Is Not Really Working For Me Today

Most of the time--I'd say about 99.9% percent-- I'm happy to be me. My personality serves me well and I enjoy being a can-do, get 'er done kind of gal.

Every once in a while, though (and this afternoon was one of those times) I really get tired of being depended upon and being everybody's mother. I'm okay with being the mother to people that are still kids, but I'm getting a wee bit done with being the mother to other adults.

I have an adult in my life that I've really tried to help turn his life around--it's been about 2 years of effort. I've discovered something about myself in the process. I am not an "I'll work my ass off to help you while you kick back and sorta try to maybe make some changes in your life" kind of person. I'm an "I'll work my ass of to help you as long as you're working your ass off to help you too" kind of person.

I guess personal growth in the self-awareness arena is a good thing. Okay, I'm happy being me again.

Okay, Okay--I'll Make A Resolution!

I wasn't going to make any resolutions--out loud anyway. But jeez! The blogosphere abounds with New Year's Resolutions. I'm not succumbing to peer pressure, but I did start thinking . . .

So, my resolution is:

To do what I know works for me.

These are things that work to make me healthier and less-stressed and more productive.

1. Cook healthy food. I think about food all the time anyway, so if I spend my time thinking about cooking healthy, low-calorie food I eat a lot better--and it's not bad for the rest of my family either.

2. Cook double batches of healthy food and freeze it. I have done this faithfully in the past, but didn't commit myself to it last year. It's just as easy to cook twice as much and then you've only got to go the freezer for a healthy, light meal when you're too tired or it's too late to cook.

3. Exercise at least 5 times a week. Duh! I did this for 3 years straight and then discovered blogging. I must find balance between exercising my mind and exercising my body.

4. Include Pilates in my exercise routine 3 days a week. Pilates took me from a person with 20 years of chronic back pain to a pain-free person with greater flexibility and a much tighter midsection. I gave it up why?

This is pretty much it--I already make time for myself, my husband and I get out to the movies, etc. regularly, and I'm pretty darn satisfied with my life. I love school, watching my kids grow--all the stuff of everyday life.

Now if this plan happens to lead to weight loss, well that will be a bonus!

All Good Things Must Come To An End--Thank Goodness!

 

Yeah, it is exactly like that.

In Which I Get A Commission And Pick Some Winners

Social Butterfly: Cyn and I are going to the mall to have pictures taken at Picture People and then you can post the pictures and blog about it. Her name will be Baby Cheetah. K?

Alrighty, then. Now if there was only someone who wanted to give me money for blogging!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thanks to everyone who commented on my Blogoversary post--and thanks again for stopping by so frequently. The winners (picked up random number generator) are . . .

#2

You are so poised and articulate and entertaining, it's hard to believe you've been blogging only a year.

Congratulations! And if I were to win one of your books, will you guarantee I'll create fabulousness just like you? I'd need that...You decide which title I should have.

Posted by: stephanie (bad mom) | December 26, 2008 at 02:05 AM

#9

Merry Blogoversary! That's quite a feat. Blogging for me started out as a defense mechanism to save me from stay-at-home mania. It's become so much more.

Posted by: Manic Mommy | December 26, 2008 at 02:17 PM

#14

Happy Anniversary. You are one of my favorite reads....I think of your day to day advise on kids, running a house, and just running life on a daily basis. Yes, blogging has infiltrated my life too.
Blog that!!! I hear that often now also.
You are so sweet to give away your mom's cookbooks!!!! Such a treasure.
Exercise instead of blogging? Let me know how that works for you!!!!

Posted by: Suzanne | December 26, 2008 at 07:19 PM

Since none of these three named which book they wanted, I get to choose. After much thought I've decided How To Make Holiday Desserts from The Cook's Illustrated Library will go to Stephanie--it's a slim volume, but very precise in it's instructions--and I think that Stephanie, like me, is a touch OCD appreciates precision. Plus, it has the recipe for the Buche de Noel/Yule Log cake that I make each Christmas. Manic Mommy will get Martha Stewart's Christmas--I could just picture her making the popcorn balls with her boys, wine close at hand! Suz is getting The Silver Palate Good Times Cookbook--not that she needs a cookbook to teach her to have a good time, but there are some great recipes for feeding a crowd and throwing a party.

About Her Hair . . .

Sometimes your kids want to do something that you know is foolish and will not make them happy. If you always say no to these things you are a killjoy and they never learn to figure out for themselves what is foolish. So you say okay even though you know things will not end well because you know these are the little mistakes we all must make for ourselves. Hopefully, they learn their lesson on the small stuff and not when they're say, carrying a few small packages across the border in their carry-on for a friend they just met in Mexico.

This is the hair Social Butterfly started with:

I know, right? Perfectly attractive dark blonde with natural highlights and lowlights. Some of you may pay good money to achieve this very color. I know I have.

But for Social Butterfly, at 14, it is BLAH and NO GOOD and she wants a CHANGE. With friends in tow, we go to the The Wal-Mart. Friend does the dirty deed. Now we have:

But it is: UGH! TOO GRAY-Y! NOT ENOUGH OF A CHANGE!, it cannot stay.

Mr. Fix-it takes SB and friends to CVS. They return with this:

Two boxes this time, because her hair is very thick and they couldn't adequately cover it with the first color and maybe that's why it wasn't a DRAMATIC enough change. I mildly point out that the box shows this going over a hair color of dark brown and is she sure she wants red? Pshaw! It will be PERFECT!

It takes her about 1 minute after the dye starts to work to realize that OMG! NO! IT IS RED! AND NOT JUST RED! BURGUNDY! AND SHE CANNOT GO TO SCHOOL LIKE THIS! There are tears and there are friends saying NO REALLY, IT'S FINE! IT LOOKS GOOD! REALLY!

 

Actual horrifying hair color (though to give some credit to Clairol it is not the actual hair color that is so bad, but rather the fact that it makes her complexion look a bit, well, ruddy (and that's putting it kindly)).

Later, there is some of this:

 

So the night was not a total waste.

In the morning this sentiment returns:

OMG! NO! IT IS RED! AND NOT JUST RED! BURGUNDY! AND SHE CANNOT GO TO SCHOOL LIKE THIS!

After some Internet research, we head to the beauty supply for some of this:

Lo and behold, it works. The tears this time are of relief. It will now be possible for her to finish high school. Except it's a little too blonde and do I think we could try again tomorrow with just plain dark brown with no red in it? I'm thinking it might be time to quit while she's ahead--or at least even.

This is what she's sporting now:

And not once did I say "I told you so." Because I didn't.

Total cost of hair color and color corrector? $30.00. Learning a life lesson on her own? Priceless.

Live Blogging New Year's Eve

It started out with "Can I have a friend sleep over?" Our usual plans are with our "best family," but they are in Denmark for holidays. Traditionally, fondue is involved.

So this year we were planless ; Grownup Girl and Music Man went home the day after Christmas (work obligations--adult responsibilities), so they weren't going to be here. MVP decided he would talk the family planlessness (yes, I'm making up words) and parlay it into an overnight camping trip in the desert (but not at an actual camp site) with a couple of friends (who me, worry?).

That left Me, Fix-it, Social Butterfly and Danger Boy home. Yes, you can have a friend (or 4 in her case and 1 in his) sleep over. My kids know I cannot stand anyone being out and about on New Year's Eve, so 20 people can sleep over if it keeps you home.

It's 6:45 now and I've been to The Wal-Mart for hair-dye, scraped up a respectable appetizer spread out of my pantry and whipped up 2 chocolate-chip pies (might as well have a last hurray to the eating holidays). I'm drinking a beer. Some neighbors are stopping by at 9 (coincidentally they've had worse car luck than us--a drunk neighbor kid totalled their car in front of their house at 3 a.m.--really, we live in a very safe neighborhood).

I'll be up until midnight then set my alarm for every 1+1/2 hours or so until I'm good and sure everyone is conked out for the night. I've heard rumors of parties not that far from our house and my motto is "trust but verify." This parenting teens business is not for the weak or faint of heart!

6:51 p.m.--it look like back to the store for more hair-dye. It turns out SB's hair is to thick for just one box (she did NOT get that from me!).

Danger Boy thinks that making the chocolate chip pies but not letting him eat them yet is form of cruel and unusual punishment.

7:19 p.m. I inform Danger Boy's, bff, Milk Bone, that a rule for the evening is no teasing SB our her friends. "Why didn't anyone tell me this before I came over--I can't live with rules like that!"

7:24 p.m. DB invites his cousin, Gangsta-Boy

7:54 p.m. Girls at store, boys game of choice is Madden 09

9:22 p.m. We have tears. It turns out that Egyptian Plum over dark blonde hair is quite burgundy.  We also have food--burgers and fries, along with a version of "No Sleep for Brooklyn" on Guitar Hero World Tour that might compel someone who actually lived in Brooklyn to jump off the Brooklyn Bridge.

11:47 p.m. Earlier we kicked the kids out of the family room for a couple of hours so the grownups could talk about boring grownup stuff (the Gaza Strip, Barack Obama's cabinet, etc.). There was much knocking on doors, opening of doors, shrieking,  slamming of doors, etc. among the male and female contingents.

The dishes are done, we're set for the countdown and then--p.j.'s & bed (for me anyway).

12:02 p.m. The ball dropped, pots and pans were banged in the cul-de-sac and I almost cried when I listened to Dick Clark (sad and scary at the same time). It's over.

Happy New Year!