The review of the Body Scoop for Girls book generated lots of comments and lots of questions.
My point was that in order to be able to talk to your teens about sex, you have to start the conversation when your kids are little. The big question was how do you talk to your young children about sex.
This was how MommyTime put it:
And what exactly do you say to a 7 year old about sex? I'm serious. My just-turned-six-er just recently asked "how the baby got in there in the first place, and how it gets out," and I gave a kind of vague answer about how the mom and dad have to decide together that they are ready for a baby before a new one will grow. I was in the middle of trying to juggling a crying 3 yr old and the cooking of dinner, so it wasn't really the time for a conversation. But I want to be better prepared for the next question because I'm not exactly sure how much is too much info for a 6 yr old. Input? Books to suggest aimed at the younger set? I'm all about being honest and forthright, but I do think that there are some details that are better saved for maturer heads -- though it's hard to know precisely where to draw the line...
Thanks for getting me thinking about this again.
First off, I’d say thinking about it is extremely important. You want to have an idea of what you want to say before the questions are asked. That way you don’t have to pick your jaw up off the floor and start sweating profusely.
And you won’t do what my friend Holley, who meant to be honest with her kids did, and tell your daughter the baby comes out through the belly button.
For me that meant I always used proper names for body parts so that when they did ask questions they had the terminology to understand the answers. When they did ask I gave a simple, but correct answer.
This is how CalamitySandra answered her four-year old:
When my then 4 year old asked about the baby in my belly, I told him that grown-ups sometimes do something that is called sex. Grown ups do this sex thing because it feels very good to them, but also because it is possible to create a baby that way.
Part of this sex thing is, that the man puts his erect penis into the womans vagina. After some time, something called semen comes out of the penis.
Sometimes one tiny, teeny little semen cell swims all the way deeper into the woman, into a organ called the uterus. There it is possible that it meets something called a egg, but this one is much, much smaller than the eggs you know. When a semen cell and an egg meet, the kind of melt together, and out of them starts to grow the baby. Made from something of their Mommy and Daddy together.
The baby grows in the Mommies belly for about 40 weeks, and when it is ready to be born the muscles in the Mommies belly start to contract, and help the baby out into the world by pushing it out though the vagina.
Depending on your kid, their eyes might glaze over before paragraph two and they may wander off, but you’ve set the precedent of an honest and complete answer. It’s also your clue to make sure there are books around the house that are at your child’s level. That response may be too detailed for you, but I tend to think it falls in the category of “they’ll take what they want and leave the rest.”
If you just search Amazon you’re sure to find books that suit your needs—plus, I remember finding many books at the library.
Suburban Correspondent and I are on the same page as far as seizing any and all opportunities to talk about sex and values.
Even listening to the radio (NPR) gives plenty of opportunities to talk about sex and AIDS and moral behavior! I hand the kids a book to get the basics (sorry, I just cannot stand watching them squirm while I tell them); and then I build on it every time something comes up in the paper or on the radio. Tiger Woods, ex-Governor Edwards, any stupid starlet, they are all openers on what is smart behavior and what isn't.
And now that we have such a colorful euphemism as "hiking the Appalachian trail," it's that much more fun to discuss!
I even wrote a post about the importance of the Meatloaf song, Paradise by the Dashboard Lights, in talking to my kids about the dangers of teen sex.
The dinnertime conversation about blow jobs definitely piqued everyone’s interest. I’m sure we’ve had more than one, but the one that stands out came from my attending the parent preview of the health curriculum for the middle school when MVP was in 6th grade.
(There was a mother there who was of the opinion that her 13-year old son had never had one thought about sex until the permission slips for the health class came home.
Hmmm. A 13-year old boy that has never thought about sex? Hahahahahaha.)
That was before the school nurse presented the information on the number of eighth-graders that were actually engaging in oral sex. Shocking. Of course my husband and I talked about it with the kids. At the dinner table. Yes, it meant we had to explain what a blow job was to a 7-year old (our youngest), but I’m convinced it was the right thing to do. (She was suitably disgusted by the explanation).
It was because of all the openness that I had this conversation with my youngest son. You should definitely click. It’s a very funny story.
On the subject of books for adolescent boys, I don’t feel there is as good a selection as there is for girls (though that may have changed in the last few years), but my boys did have a book by my favorite author for anything boy-related, Michael Gurian. It is From Boys to Men: All about Adolescence and You.
I hope this helps—and generates more discussion. I was very lucky that I had a mother that was open and frank with me, and it was really important for me to be that same kind of mother with my own children.
Talk—it does a family good!