Straight Talk About Sex and Other Stuff (A Book Review)

I’ve mentioned before that one of my favorite perks of blogging is getting books to review. Reading is my favorite past-time and sharing my opinion is a close second. Plus, did I mention? Free books.

When I got the invite to review this book, I didn’t hesitate for a second. You know what I think about giving girls accurate information—even when the results are hilarious and embarrassing.

Since I have access to some girls just the right age to weigh in on this book, I availed myself of the opportunity. I turned these two loose with the book with instructions to report back.

As it turns out, Social Butterfly’s friend Peanut, may have a future as a book reviewer herself. I’m just going to quote her and call it a day!

I liked the book for many reasons. I thought the book was very enjoyable to read and very informative. The author wrote it in a way that any girl in my grade, maybe even younger, would understand.

It was funny and cute the way she would put “eh?” and things like that. She wrote it in a teen kind of way and I thought that was a good idea. I also liked how basically every chapter she'd write a short story about something she went through or how her patients tell her things and ask for help. Just the stories give you help and advice. But then there are also the "did you know" sections, true or false, rules, facts and other little boxes that are spread out around the whole book.

There is a section called, “The Wait-Till-Eighteen Club: Why Membership Has Its Privileges” giving her opinion why teenagers should wait. I thought that if someone who was thinking of having sex, this would help them stop themselves.

The book gives information that some people may be too scared or embarrassed to ask anyone. Then there’s a part, where if someone was planning on having sex, it gives you the many choices on how to be safe. Even if the reader wasn’t ready it still shows the options and informs you about them.

Another good thing is its not all about sex. There’s a story where a patient of hers gets a piercing that she regrets, and she helps her take it out. The book also covers healthy foods to eat, information about drinking, smoking and cancer, and many more topics.

Overall the book is really helpful on helping you know your body. If anyone had any questions going in the book I’m pretty positive all of them would be answered by the time you read the whole thing.

I second all of the above. The girls and I agreed that the author, Dr. Jennifer Ashton, writes in a style that makes you feel like your getting information from your favorite aunt—the one that is your mother’s younger, hipper sister.

I’m going to throw in my seasoned mom advice here—the book is fantastic, but the most important thing is that you be having conversations with your kids about sex. The way to be able to accomplish openness and exchanges of accurate information is to start talking to them when they’re very young and never stop. To those people who can’t imagine talking to a seven-year old about sex, I say, “if you can’t talk sex with your seven-year old, you will never be able to talk sex with your 17-year old.”

My strategy has been to use popular media—music, TV, magazines—to get the conversations rolling. The health units in school are also great for this purpose. The bottom line though is that you have to be comfortable enough to talk about anything. We have actually had dinner table conversations about blow jobs. If you only have little kids this may sound crazy, but if you have teens you know this is something that needs to be discussed.

Social Butterfly, Peanut and I all give this book an enthusiastic thumbs-up. If you’ve got a daughter, niece or friend that’s a teenager, this book would make a great addition to her library.

Comments

[Reluctant Blogger]

What a sterling review. She did a good job with that.

It does sound a useful book.

Like you I have talked to my boys about sex and relationships right from the start. We don't target it especially - it just crops up as part of other conversations. It is amazing how frequently it does crop up these days actually - from them using the word "gay" inappropriately, to friends of parents splitting up, me being with Sandra and friends of theirs starting to get girlfriends. Conversation over dinner is sometimes rather lively and very amusing!

I rather wish you had been my mother, Jenn. Although it might have been a tricky given you are only 2 years older than me!

[busy bee suz]

I love her review, and your advice.
We certainly discuss topics in our house that were NEVER thought of in my childhood home.
I think I need this one though...my girls like reading more than talking!

[suburbancorrespondent]

Even listening to the radio (NPR) gives plenty of opportunities to talk about sex and AIDS and moral behavior! I hand the kids a book to get the basics (sorry, I just cannot stand watching them squirm while I tell them); and then I build on it every time something comes up in the paper or on the radio. Tiger Woods, ex-Governor Edwards, any stupid starlet, they are all openers on what is smart behavior and what isn't.

And now that we have such a colorful euphemism as "hiking the Appalachian trail," it's that much more fun to discuss!

[jenn]

I'm ordering it now. I'm always looking for ways to jump-start some of those conversations.

[kellyg]

I want to be you when I grow up. Or as my kids' grow up. I will be adding this to my list of books to get as my daughter gets older.

[Lisa Munley]

Like Kellyg, I want to be you when I grow up! My girls are 11 and 12. We talk about things to a point, but dinner conversation about blow jobs would cause their dad to have a coronary episode!!

Great review!! Thanks so much to you and the (gorgeous!) girls for all the time and effort that went into reading and reviewing Body Scoop. We really appreciate it.

[Jen]

Trying to imagine my mom and I having a dinner conversation about blow jobs seriously made me laugh! Thanks for that! : )

[Amy Amy Bo Bamey]

Sounds like a book I need to get! My daughter is 11 and we have had the talk and I try and keep it pretty open but would like a book like this to keep it flowing even more, I want her to be well educated about this all so she can make good decisions.

[phd in yogurtry]

Would love to read this book. I need all the help I can get.

Something I'd like to add: listen quietly, without criticism, with a neutral expression. Whatever the question, whatever the shocking piece of news they are delivering.

You inspired a post, Jenn (Love it when that happens):

http://coffeeyogurt.blogspot.com/2010/01/meaning-of-bird.html

[Yo is Me]

i haven't read all the comments, but i whole heartedly agree with phd in yogurtry. i've had MANY of those moments when my nephew is telling me something or asking me something and i'm FREAKING OUT inside, but i stay calm on the outside and somehow manage to get through it. there are times to giggle about blow jobs, and a time to talk seriously about blow jobs. we've talked about stds at the dinner table. it only took once during dinner, though, and he stopped asking during dinner.

you can say "talk to me whenever you have questions", but it takes a while to work up that trust.

[Kelly]

I think this subject is so very important!! Talk, talk, talk. But tools like this book really are valuable.

[Green Girl in Wisconsin]

So is there a version of this for boys?
We do discuss all things body-related at our house. Thank goodness, because I sure don't want their peers or TV to be their only source of advice or values!!!

[texasholly @ June Cleaver Nirvana]

Very cool. I may be avoiding the dinner table in the future with three boys...! ha.

[MommyTime]

And what exactly do you say to a 7 year old about sex? I'm serious. My just-turned-six-er just recently asked "how the baby got in there in the first place, and how it gets out," and I gave a kind of vague answer about how the mom and dad have to decide together that they are ready for a baby before a new one will grow. I was in the middle of trying to juggling a crying 3 yr old and the cooking of dinner, so it wasn't really the time for a conversation. But I want to be better prepared for the next question because I'm not exactly sure how much is too much info for a 6 yr old. Input? Books to suggest aimed at the younger set? I'm all about being honest and forthright, but I do think that there are some details that are better saved for maturer heads -- though it's hard to know precisely where to draw the line...

Thanks for getting me thinking about this again.

[kcinnova]

I'm trying to imagine a discussion of blow jobs at the dinner table, but I just can't see beyond my kids' embarrassed faces...
We do try to be open --my husband will occasional crack a joke to break the ice-- but the kids mostly don't want to know.
And I echo Green Girl in Wisconsin, is there a boy version of this book?

[Brightside Susan]

I agree that it has to start young and that sometimes you have to force the converationa bit more with boys - they "don't want to hear it" - but they really do.

My oldest daughter is now sometimes sharing too much! And my younger daughter is sometimes sorry that she asked because I am very honest.

[JCK]

I completely agree with you about starting to talk to kids when they are young. My children already know that babies come out of vaginas. I am honest with them, with the appropriate amount to be handled. I'll have to bookmark this book for future notice. :)

[Tammy]

I've already placed a hold on this book at the library!! Thanks so much for the info and review. I've been talking to my kids about sex since they started asking questions when they were around 6. It's never too soon to tell the facts.

[calamitysandra]

For the mother who asked about what to tell her six year old:

I found (the German version) of
"Who Am I? Where Did I Come From?"
by Dr. Ruth K. Westheimer
to be a good starting point.

Other than that, I simply always answered their questions truthful.

When my then 4 year old asked about the baby in my belly, I told him that grown-ups sometimes do something that is called sex.
Grown ups do this sex thing because it feels very good to them, but also because it is possible to create a baby that way.
Part of this sex thing is, that the man puts his erect penis into the womans vagina. After some time, something called semen comes out of the penis.
Sometimes one tiny, teeny little semen cell swims all the way deeper into the woman, into a organ called the uterus. There it is possible that it meets something called a egg, but this one is much, much smaller than the eggs you know.
When a semen cell and an egg meet, the kind of melt together, and out of them starts to grow the baby. Made from something of their Mommy and Daddy together.
The baby grows in the Mommies belly for about 40 weeks, and when it is ready to be born the muscles in the Mommies belly start to contract, and help the baby out into the world by pushing it out though the vagina.

This is more or less what I told my son at that time. Maybe it helps you as a point to start from.

[Little Miss Sunshine State]

We also had a lot of open communicating when mine were teenagers. I also made sure to have conversations that included the emotional aspects of having sex at too young an age.

We once had a lively dinner discussion about Viagra and 4-hour erections that led to the question, "What would you wear to the ER??"