Unless you a) live under a rock or b) don’t watch television or listen to the radio you’ve doubtless heard and seen the story of man who confronted the school bus bullies that were taunting his disabled daughter.
Since we’ve been talking about bullies (and since the ever-insightful Suzy Soro and I had a great email conversation on the topic) it would seem like we should definitely talk about this.
My stance on what the father did is that I absolutely get where he was coming from—and I’m not going to say I might not have reacted in a very similar manner—but I also think the police had no choice but to arrest him. I hope the outcome is that charges against the father are dropped, the bullies are dealt with and the school system (who, along with the parents of the bullies, is most culpable here) changes drastically and immediately. I hope this ends up having been a wake up call.
School culture has a huge impact on how students behave. The school I worked at last year had every special ed program a high school can have. It’s not a perfect high school, but it is a very special place. Teachers and students alike are on high alert for bullying and it is dealt with immediately. Programs like Circle of Friends are in place that promote empathy and understanding—and they work. We owe it to all our children to make all our schools this type of welcoming environment.
What should the dad have done? I think he needed to confront the situation and defend his daughter—I just think he would have made his point better and kept from getting arrested if he had kept his temper. His reaction served the purpose of making those who had been bullies into victims—which didn’t serve his cause well and he now realizes it.
But his daughter had been treated abominably and I think he should now get a pass. If this was ongoing and he had tried to deal with it through appropriate channels, than it’s no wonder he blew.
After I wrote last week’s post and then watched the coverage of the incident I recalled something I had forgotten. When Danger Boy was about 18 months old he actually was bullied—by a 3 & 1/2-year old boy. The setting was a mom-run co-op and apparently the older child didn’t like that DB was doing all the “big-kid” things. DB, having started walking the day he turned 8 months, was very agile and had advanced motor skills. He climbed to the top level of the playhouse and rode the Big Wheels with no consideration of the fact that he was supposed to be a “baby.”
Within a one-week time span there was a bite, a punch and then a push from the top of the playhouse stairs. One of the other moms talked to the culprit’s mother after the bite. After the punch I made the point that she needed to get through to her son that he had to stop hurting DB. After the push from the top of the stairs I talked to the child myself.
I knelt down, looked him in the eye and spoke slowly and deliberately, “You will stop hurting my son. If you do not stop hurting him, you are going to be in very BIG trouble. Do you understand me?” With wide eyes he nodded yes.
He never touched DB again.*
I actually refer to this moment as the time I went “neener-neener-nanny” (after Rebecca De Mornay’s character in The Hand That Rocks The Cradle). I wasn’t quite as scary as Peyton Flanders, but I was close.
I guess that for me the bottom line is that if you can’t or won’t do what needs to be done to protect your child, who will?
What do you think? Did the bus dad go to far? Did I go to far? Or would the world be a better place if parents felt like they could impose consequences for children behaving inappropriately—even if those children were not their own.
*The boy in question is, by all accounts, a fine young man today. The mother and I remained friendly. She was taken aback when I told her that I’d confronted her son, but I think that in the end she agreed that the proof was in the pudding—and in my bitemark-free, bruise-free, non-concussed toddler!
