The Paranoid Parents Guide: Worry Less, Parent Better and Raise a Resilient Child: A Book Review and Giveaway Post

The winner of the giveaway for Halfway to Each Other is #14—Suz. She has a grammatical error to thank for that—she was correcting the “your” from her previous comment!

I meant: You're a heathen???
My bad. :)

Posted by: busy bee suz | September 02, 2010 at 11:41 AM

It’s a good thing the random number generator didn’t come up with #15—she’s already got the book.

Jenn, aka my new heathen friend :)

Thank you for taking the time to read Halfway to Each Other and sharing your heartfelt review. It is no small thing to help a brand new author share her story. I appreciate it so much~

I enthusiastically encourage all of those who have commented to consider a year with their family abroad. Such wonders await!

Susan

Posted by: Susan Pohlman | September 03, 2010 at 12:31 AM

Now, on to today’s book . . .

I love to read Parenting books—even now, with my kids almost grown, I flip through Parenting magazine at the pediatrician’s office. I am sure I have read a hundred parenting books.

This parenting book?

Is my favorite.

This is the book that I would have written if I had written a book. Common sense is the absolute bedrock of Christie Barnes’ philosophy.

She articulates (and backs up with solid research and data) exactly what is wrong with paranoid parenting.

For years I have maintained that the world is no more dangerous a place—and probably less so—than when we were kids. The difference is that because of the 24/7 news cycle we know about every horrible thing that happens everywhere.

I arm my kids with the best tools I can and send them off into the world.* Anything beyond that would be overprotecting them to the point it hurt them.

Christie Barnes, in The Paranoid Parents Guide, highlights the rules you should teach, where the risks really are, and trains you (if you are a worrier) to put your mind at ease.

This book is relevant for all parents. I think it’s worth reading even if, like me, you’re almost done with child-rearing or even if you’re a worried grandparent. Barnes is a reformed worrier herself; she has empathy regarding what we worry about and why we worry, but she also practices tough love towards parents.

What’s your parenting worry? I’ll pick winners from the comments next week. I can give away 1 copy per 10 comments up to 3 winners, so please—enter the giveaway!

Mine? Teenage car accidents. Hands down. It’s why I have for years driven my children by the accident scenes/memorials of teens in our neighborhood that have perished in accidents caused by recklessness and/or drinking. I want them to know that it could happen to them, but it doesn’t have to.

Thanks to TLC Book Tours for the opportunity to review and giveaway this book.

* I do have to admit to feeling vindicated by a lot of what Ms. Barnes says. My in-laws would have definitely described me as paranoid when the kids were younger because I was rabid on the subjects of car seats, helmets and life jackets. It turns out I was worrying about the things that needed to be worried about—that is the things that can be controlled and whose use provides the greatest safety boost.

Comments

[kcinnova]

I worry more now about teenage driver error that I used to -- blame that on MM totally the car back in April! I'm afraid it might have affected his brother, too, because EB has not yet completed the process to getting his license and he just turned 18.
My biggest worry is definitely safety. My husband tells me all the time that I'm being silly, but I can't help it. It was hard work bringing these kids into the world and I'd like them to stay around for a long time!

[gretel]

Even though my children are still too young, my biggest worry is the teenage driving thing, too - especially drunk driving. My step sister was killed by a drunk driver many years ago and needless to say our family is forever changed.

On the other hand, I agree with you that the world is much safer in many respects and I tire of the constant media hype that my child may be snatched at any moment and that all strangers are dangerous. Have you heard of Free Range Kids? http://freerangekids.wordpress.com/ It is full of good information from a mother that has had enough of misinformation and wants to prepare her children for life.

[Jen on the Edge]

Because I'm the daughter of two girls, for some reason my biggest worry is that they'll be molested or worse. I don't know why this is my biggest worry, but it is and that's the sort of thing I have nightmares about.

[jenn]

I'm with Jen - I worry constantly about something happening to my girls: molestation, date rape (when they're older and actually dating)...

[Navhelowife]

With three boys, one in high school, one in Middle school, and one in elementary, I worry about some common things:
1. Teenage driving. Distractions, disasters, deadly accidents...
2. Injuries that happen when no one is around. I'm worried they'll get hurt so badly that no one will be able to help them. Or that there won't BE anyone to help them
3. I worry about one of my kids getting so frustrated with his struggles that he decides it isn't worth it anymore. That can mean different things to me on different days.
4. I fret that they won't make good friends.
Or that they'll make a friend that is too good....and I'll wind up being an early grandma.

[busy bee suz]

I definitely worry about car accidents now that LoLo is driving daily.
When they were little, I worried about someone kidnapping them.
Looking forward to the book Jenn, this is my third book win from YOU!!!
I am almost done with *29*, I am just a very slow reader.

[Laurie in Canada]

My girls are still pretty young (7 and 5). My biggest fears right now are friends (will they have any) and weight. I have always been chubby, and my oldest seems to have inherited by sweet tooth. She is a tiny bit chubby, so I worry.

[green girl in wisconsin]

I am not a paranoid mom, but I know a few moms I'd totally pass this along to! My biggest fear is that I don't teach my kids to be self-sufficient enough.

[kellyg]

My worries are the ostracizing that can happen in middle school and high school and the other end of the spectrum finding the wrong friends.

[Becca]

I'm worried my kid will do the same stupid things I did (and luckily didn't suffer the consequences from). ((boy, that was bad grammar!!!))

[Denise]

To Jen and Jenn: As a mother of a daughter and a victim of both molestation and, later, a close date rape experience, I agree those are true worries. However, I have given my daughter the talk about what not to do, but I have mostly emphasized what to do if it happens. I fear that teaching our girls about how to "stay safe" will prevent them from getting help if it happens. Yes, you need to be careful and avoid certain situations. But, in my heart, I feel those messages ultimately put them blame on them. The whole "if I wasn't there" or "if I had been smarter" or, yes, to use the word I just did, "if I had been more careful." No matter what I do, it might happen. I guess my advice is to let them know what to do if it does. I truly hope none of us have daughters (or sons) who are violated in any way. But, if it happens, we can support them and love them and let them know if was not their fault.

[Jill]

Most definitely car accidents. We have five kids and eventhough we're on child #3 being able to drive, it has never gotten easier to let them drive off on their own!

[Stacie]

Right now, with Luke being a month old, I worry about him getting sick, or, heaven forbid, SIDS. In terms of worry, it's going to be a LONG rest of my life! ;)

[jenrantsraves]

I confess. My trend is to be a worrier. But, I think knowing this about myself and honestly acknowledging it helps me to work against it. I should probably read the book. Honestly, the biggest thing I worry about is my husband, my child, or myself dying. I think about this way too much.

[Bramble]

Teenage driving and the sense that they are invincible. That does me in every day since Shaggy Haired Boy turned 17 this summer. Not sure when that when will ease, probably NEVER!

[yogurt]

I've got a kid with a learner's permit. What do you think my worry is? LOL

I've got twin girls with vastly different friendship styles. I worry that they watch each other and feel inferior, on various counts. It's too easy to compare. It's such a knee-jerk reaction.

[Lisamm]

Great review! I worry about a lot of stuff (the right stuff but also the wrong stuff!) and teenage driving is a big one, even though my oldest is not quite 13. 3 more years..

Thanks so much for being on the tour!

[Fannie]

Highway driving. Mine are away at college and I worry when they are going back and forth on the interstate. So much defensive, anticipatory driving is required and I think that comes with years of experience – which they don’t have!

[Owlfan]

Driving is my biggest worry now, especially with a son about 6 months away from a learners permit. I think he is a bit more aware of the dangers of driving after an accident that killed one of his friends last spring (her 18 yo brother was driving her to school and overcorrected on a curve and hit another car head on - both kids killed). It was a tough situation - I hope all the teens in our community have learned something.

When my kids were little, it was drowning. We had a near miss there and it taught me that kids don't make a noise, NONE, when they go under. My kids wore life jackets in the pool for years, unless they were under direct 1:1 supervision, until they could swim well.

[magpie]

I'm worried about failure - that she'll fail at something and never amount to anything. It's kind of irrational, but there it is.

[Marms37]

Deadly car accident -- even with the ones who are no longer teenagers.

PS -- I've been through the daughter being date raped thing. That was a nightmare I hope no one ever has to experience. One thing never to say -- "well, with five girls the odds are that it was bound to happen."

[Ashley]

I worry that I don't worry enough. I'm always saying, "Eh, they'll be ok" while people around me freak out that I'm not taking them to the Dr/saving for their college/feeding them organic/shielding them from violent tv/putting them in soccer.

Sigh.

[debbie]

My boys are still pretty young and the whole 'driving fears' idea is not in the realmo of my own thinking yet....but i'm sure it will be.
For me, I worry that the boys will be bullied...not for how they look or what they do or how they dress, but...because of me. As a foreign parent in Japan, kids like mine are often set apart and ridiculed because a parent is a foreigner...and having a mom as the foreigner, seems to get the most bullying. I want my boys to be able to handle that situation (if it ever arrives...we've been pretty lucky, so far...knock wood).

[debbie]

(and no...i didn't mean to type 'realmo'...must get more coffee!!)

[Serial Mommy]

My worry has to do with my son James. It sounds so mean spirited when I say it, though it is valid and, if you knew him, understandable so I won't go into it more than that.

[Heather]

My girls are 1 and 4 so right now my big worry is choking... I am sure the driving will come in about 10 years. Like you I am a nut about the car seat, life jackets and helmets.

[Grown-Up Girl]

I worry that my children will grow up with too much privilege and not enough hard work. Kids these days just don't know the value of a dollar. Why, when I was their age, I had to walk 6 miles barefoot in the snow every day, uphill both ways! Also, I know they're going to grow up with cellphone-shaped tumors on their thumbs. I worry that by the time I'm ready to ship them off for their arranged marriages (no children of MINE will be dating), there won't yet be a cure.

[Heather]

This week I worry that they'll never grow up and leave :)

[Leilana]

Wow there sure seem to be a lot of demons about driving and accidents... maybe it's because my kids aren't quite at that age yet, but that never struck a big chord with me. Personally I've always been more afraid of the temptation and peer-pressure induced decision making results... emotional damage. My pre-teen just started at a new middle school, and my big worry is those years when they distance themselves from their parents. Will he come to me when he needs to, receive the advice I'm so desperate to give? I just don't know!

[Joseph]

The biggest worry that I have with my kids is that their time will be cut short. As a parent we are often worrying too much about the little things that our kids are put through (a scraped knee, a fight, a broken arm and even... a cold), when in actuality most of those little things we worry about are life lessons to them. I chose to have kids because I've always wanted them, I've always envisioned myself as being the best parent a dad can be. I wanted a creation of my own to experience the beautiful things in life that are a true pleasure, and because of that my worst fear is seeing that time cut short.

[Fly By Nite]

you know, im gonna have to agree with the majority here. Theres nothing scarier than the uncontrollable, and once your baby gets behind the wheel... *shudders*

[Ashley]

Jenn . . . this is the 2nd or 3rd time I've copied these couple of posts and comments into a document to read on the train home . . . and realize that I never read them! Yet I read all the way to the end of my document.

I think the universe doesn't want me to read this for some reason. Too bad, Universe. You are not the boss of me!! ;)