The Blink of an Eye

It came out of nowhere. It happened in the blink of an eye. I never saw it coming.

Cliches all.

All true.

All things I've thought or said in regard to recent events involving Social Butterfly.

A month ago, in Flagstaff, SB had a Subway sandwich for dinner Friday night and at lunch on Saturday she had a few of the sweet potato fries I'd ordered for the table. Yesterday, when it was suggested she needed to drink Gatorade to combat the recent dehydration that led to her fainting twice and being rehydrated in the E.R. this past Sunday, she cried. And said no.

On Saturday she begins a day treatment program at UCSD Eating Disorders Clinic. SB has given me permission to share our story on this blog; maybe it will help someone else. Over the next few posts I will share more. There's just too much for one post.

I want to start with this though--if, like me, everything you know about eating disorders you learned from a Lifetime TV movie or an ABC Afterschool Special, then you know nothing.

I also want to begin this story by counting my blessings.

• I am grateful that we recognized what was happening early--she will be in treatment just a month after the disorder took hold.
• I am grateful for a pediatrician who is sensible, warm and informed.
• I am grateful for an eating disorder clinic in my own backyard that is so well-respected people come from all over the United States for treatment.
• I am grateful that the probably outcome for patients who receive early intervention is a full and complete recovery without relapse.
• I am grateful that on January 17, 2012 the UCSD Eating Disorder clinic finished negotiating a contract with our insurance provider, Aetna, that makes them in-network and means our copay is $25 per day.
• I am grateful for an employer who said, "Do what you need to do" when I let them know what was happening with my daughter.
• I am grateful to my daughter's employer who agreed to accomodate her schedule even though she hasn't even started working for them yet (Saturday afternoon is her first shift).
• I am grateful that my husband, my daughter and I are all on the same team.
• I am especially grateful for the text from Danger Boy (home on spring break) that suggested I buy some bagel bites to pique her interest in eating. Not going to work, but it was a sweet thought!
• I am grateful that I have a blog friend that knows me and my family so well through this blog that she was moved to point out that all the recent photos of SB's gorgeous baked goods might be a sign of an eating disorder. They are.
• I am grateful that at 5'10 and 122 lbs. SB is thin, on the verge of dangerously so, but is not yet, and will not become, anorexic.*
• I am grateful that we have plenty of time before SB leaves for college in August to ensure that she is healthy when she begins that adventure.

*Somebody rightly asked me to clarify what that means--while she has an eating disorder she does not meet the clinical definition of being an anorexic because of her BMI and that she has not ceased menstruating.

 

 

Comments

[Arli]

Sending you(r family) strength, love, compassion and healing thoughts.

[mrs. g.]

Thinking of you and yours.

[ms_teacher]

Jenn, you know of my own family's struggle. I'm here if you need to talk or e-mail. Big hugs to you & healing thoughts to your daughter.

[Little Miss Sunshine State]

Reading this with tears in my eyes.
I'll pray for strength for all of you.

[amy]

Jenn, I've been a lurker forever.... I have my own teenagers and have had several struggles. Drugs, anxiety, depression, undiagnosable illnesses. My daughter has been in and out of school for a year and a half. My son got help and is a senior and doing well. I totally feel your pain. You are not alone... this will be hard, and painful, but it is treatable. The one thing that you need to know is that you don't control it. It's not your fault, you can't fix it, and you did not cause it. You will stand by her and help her, but it will ultimately be up to her.

[Lisse]

Hugs, Jenn. Here's to a full recovery.

[Molly]

Strength and hope for you all, and what a relief to have the support of your insurance and employers.

[Christina]

So much to be grateful for - hugs to you and best wishes to SB for a full recovery. How very scary.

[The Other Laura]

I am sending good thoughts and non-denominational prayers and lighting a candle for all of you. Take care of your girl.

[suburbancorrespondent]

Good luck on Saturday! Catching it early is the most important thing - she'll do great.

[bramble]

Sending hugs, support and healing energy to all of you. So sorry it's happening but very grateful it was caught fairly early and there is repected treatment nearby. Be well SB, you have so much wonderful yet to come.

[jean]

You and your daughter have my support and prayers. Your daughter was very brave to let you share her story and I really appreciate it.

[Denise]

Jenn,
I am sending so much love to you and SB right now. If you or she would like to talk about how the treatment will go, the struggles and the empowerment you receive, and how it can help all of you, please let me know. I am available at any time. It is a scary process and it means giving up so much to get the right answers, but it is the right thing to do.
I was treated in the best facility in the U.S. at the time... I learned so much and would truly love to support you both in any way I can.
Hold tight. Please tell SB that getting "found out" is not as bad as it may seem now. It is a good thing even though it feels so uncomfortable.
Love,
Denise

[Smalltown Me]

Love to all of you. Stay strong. She's got the most wonderful family to help her through it.

[cardinal]

Jenn, so, so sorry to hear what snatched you by the throat. I know you're well-connected in your area, but if you need any advice, a good friend here in Santa Barbara specializes in eating disorders. (She had one as a young woman, so knows her stuff.) Sending you love and light.

[Martha Mc]

I can't add anything to what's already been said. You have much to be grateful for and many friends who are sending support your way. Thank you for sharing this story and thank SB for allowing that sharing.

[Kate]

When I was 15 I was about SB's height and weight. I looked over the edge of that cliff, but fortunately never quite headed down it. I see how easy it can be, though, and I still have occasional troubles with food, weight, and exercise. Best wishes to SB and all of you and hope she is feeling better soon. I am glad you can share this story.

[mom taxi julie]

I hope everyone heals quickly ((hugs))

[allmycke]

I can't add much to what has already been said, except that the courage SB shows - by allowing you to share this - is inspiring.

[Reluctant Blogger]

Sending love and courage to your family, Jenn. I know you will all get through this - back to brightness the other side.

[lanes]

More love and hope to all of you.

[Deb]

Thoughts and prayers are with all of you.

[Sooze]

I have always admired your positive outlook ... indeed, you have much to be grateful for. And SB has a great support team ... She will prevail!

[JFS in IL]

All the best wishes for SB and your family. I have a 5'8" son (now 20) who at most weighs 114 - he has NEVER had an appetite - I feel he lives on the borderline of an eating disorder, although the pediatrician always assures me otherwise. I am glad SB is cooperating - when you wrote in a post a while back about her wanting to go to a pilates class after a doctor told her to take it easy I thought that did not sound right.

[Deb D]

What a brave young lady SB is for allowing you to share her story. Good for you and her Dr. for being diligent and noticing this so quickly

[Keetha]

SB is brave to share her story and I thank you both for that. Praying for your family and wishing you all the best.

[Jen on the Edge]

I have tears in my eyes as I'm reading this and Pete is reading over my shoulder too and sharing his concern. Thank goodness you are alert and aware and were paying attention. We both are sending good thoughts your way as you navigate the coming days and weeks. Hugs.

[marty]

Sending hugs to you and yours, Jenn. I admire your proactive stance, your strength and your positivity! I'm sure you know SB is an extraordinary young lady and with such a supportive family, she's going to come through it with good health. Best of luck to you all as you work through the upcoming weeks.

[gary rith]

oh geez....best wishes ineed!

[Tammy]

Thinking of you and your family Jenn. I've been going through issues with my daughter the past few months so I can completely understand the stress and worry you are and have been going through. (((HUGS)))

[Busy Bee Suz]

I am grateful for all the things that you have mentioned...and the fact that SB is surrounded by a wonderful and supportive family.
I know this will be difficult, but I know she will come out of this strongly.

I thought I knew a lot about eating disorders...I had no idea about the baking/cooking being related.

Sending good vibes your way.
xoxo

[unmitigated me]

The baking didn't catch my attention, but her need to go to the gym even after the pediatrician said to cut back...I wondered how her doctor didn't catch this or say something to you about it at the time, but I figured he (she?) had more of the story than I did, so I didn't say anything. Next time, maybe I'll be nosier...

[Kay]

So very sorry Jenn. Hoping for the best for SB and your family. Thank goodness it was recognized early. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. Take care!

[Julie]

positive thoughts and prayers for your family . . thanks to SB for sharing her story

[Nic]

I am so sorry to hear this. I am sending you and your family and especially SB love and positive vibes for all I'm worth.

My best friend had horrific anorexia (as in, a few days from being on a drip in hospital) and nobody knew for a very long time because she was living in Peru (eating disorders are basically unknown there). Her sister went to visit and basically had to drag her back to the UK for treatment once she realised the situation. At her worst my friend (5ft9) was down to 92lb, and seeing her wrapped in a towel standing in my kitchen, I had to struggle not to lose it and burst into tears. I'm saying I have some idea what you're going through, and if there is anything I can do please don't hesitate to ask.

My friend recovered, but it was a long and arduous road. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy helped her a huge amount - not sure if that's part of SB's programme but it could be worth looking into.

Kia kaha.

[MidLyfeMama]

Ugh. Glad to hear you have a plan and everyone is on board.

[susan]

Wishing you and your family strength, comfort, hugs, and love in the coming days and weeks.

[Cassi Renee]

Oh Jenn, I am so sorry. This must be so scary. I am sure, though, that you and SB will get through it --she is your daughter, and she will have great support.

[Alesia]

Thinking of you and your daughter.

[Green Girl In Wisconsin]

Oh my. I am in awe that in the face of this you are still able to be grateful. I am praying for you, now that I know what you're dealing with. You've been on my mind, I knew SOMETHING was up. Had no idea it was your daughter. Good luck as you continue to battle.
And your son IS so terribly sweet--bagel bites! What a brother!

[Mandy]

Still reading daily Jenn, but not commenting much anywhere (baby interferes). I just wanted to say that when I was in university, I went through an eating disorder and borderline anorexia (loss of period for 6 months or so) for about 1.5 years and came out of it through my own aegis. Probably because it started so late (21) and wasn't the most severe of cases. Those, I don't think you can get through without help. I'm now 40 and have never slipped back. Good luck on your journey with SB. I have every confidence she'll be fine in the long run.

[falnfenix]

i'm sending a ton of love your way.

[Janet]

Best wishes to SB and your family...like Busy Bee Suz I didn't know about that type of symptom!

[Aunt Snow]

Hugs, and much love, and wishes of courage and support to you both.

[Jamie]

I'm so glad that you are seeing that there are blessings to be counted ... and that you are counting them. Your attitude will take you (and your whole family) and long, long way. I will be thinking of you all.

[kellyg]

Oh, Jen. The realization, confrontation and confirmation of what was happening must have been heart breaking. I will be keeping you and your family in my thoughts.

Your grateful list, in itself, is pretty amazing. But I think bullet point 4 is the best.

[magpie]

Big ((hugs)) to you and SB. Here's hoping for a smooth and full recovery.

[auntjone]

Can't imagine what you're going through. Thank God you are so tuned in to her. Sending prayers for strength and healing.

[Susan @ A Slice of my Life]

It's so like you to create a huge list of so many things to be grateful for in the scary time in your lives.

My thoughts and well-wishes are with you all. {{{Big hugs}}}

[Katherine]

Best wishes to you all as you work through this. I had no idea that all those baked goods meant anything other than yummy. My son is 5'11" and maybe 130 lbs, but I think he is just still growing so fast that his weight hasn't caught up. It's a hard thing to figure with teens especially, since they all grow and change at different rates. You have to look at behavior moreso than strictly weight. Glad you caught it early.