The Blink of an Eye

It came out of nowhere. It happened in the blink of an eye. I never saw it coming.

Cliches all.

All true.

All things I've thought or said in regard to recent events involving Social Butterfly.

A month ago, in Flagstaff, SB had a Subway sandwich for dinner Friday night and at lunch on Saturday she had a few of the sweet potato fries I'd ordered for the table. Yesterday, when it was suggested she needed to drink Gatorade to combat the recent dehydration that led to her fainting twice and being rehydrated in the E.R. this past Sunday, she cried. And said no.

On Saturday she begins a day treatment program at UCSD Eating Disorders Clinic. SB has given me permission to share our story on this blog; maybe it will help someone else. Over the next few posts I will share more. There's just too much for one post.

I want to start with this though--if, like me, everything you know about eating disorders you learned from a Lifetime TV movie or an ABC Afterschool Special, then you know nothing.

I also want to begin this story by counting my blessings.

• I am grateful that we recognized what was happening early--she will be in treatment just a month after the disorder took hold.
• I am grateful for a pediatrician who is sensible, warm and informed.
• I am grateful for an eating disorder clinic in my own backyard that is so well-respected people come from all over the United States for treatment.
• I am grateful that the probably outcome for patients who receive early intervention is a full and complete recovery without relapse.
• I am grateful that on January 17, 2012 the UCSD Eating Disorder clinic finished negotiating a contract with our insurance provider, Aetna, that makes them in-network and means our copay is $25 per day.
• I am grateful for an employer who said, "Do what you need to do" when I let them know what was happening with my daughter.
• I am grateful to my daughter's employer who agreed to accomodate her schedule even though she hasn't even started working for them yet (Saturday afternoon is her first shift).
• I am grateful that my husband, my daughter and I are all on the same team.
• I am especially grateful for the text from Danger Boy (home on spring break) that suggested I buy some bagel bites to pique her interest in eating. Not going to work, but it was a sweet thought!
• I am grateful that I have a blog friend that knows me and my family so well through this blog that she was moved to point out that all the recent photos of SB's gorgeous baked goods might be a sign of an eating disorder. They are.
• I am grateful that at 5'10 and 122 lbs. SB is thin, on the verge of dangerously so, but is not yet, and will not become, anorexic.*
• I am grateful that we have plenty of time before SB leaves for college in August to ensure that she is healthy when she begins that adventure.

*Somebody rightly asked me to clarify what that means--while she has an eating disorder she does not meet the clinical definition of being an anorexic because of her BMI and that she has not ceased menstruating.

 

 

Comments

[Karen]

Definitely keeping your daughter in my thoughts & preyers.

[trash]

So glad she has been diagnosed and is receiving treatment early.

[Chance]

<3 I rarely comment, but just had to drop a note saying I am thinking of SB and your whole family.

[MIME]

Thanks to you & SB for sharing the good and the bad in your lives. I find it reassuring to read that other parents & teens find a way through these struggles.

[Kato]

As you note, your family is a good team - that will help enormously. She won't be alone in this.

[Cheryl]

jenn, your post was met with an audible gasp and followed with lasting distress. I don't comment, but look for your posts daily - your good humor, your thoughtfulness, your commentary on life often through the lens of your family. My heart goes out to you. Having lived through traumas with children, all I can offer: it gets better. In the dark of the night, it seems all is lost, but in the morning - the sun rises. It always rises.

[shrink on the couch]

I bet she's grateful she has you as a mom. Glad you caught this when you did, too.

[Stacie]

She is so brave, Jenn, sharing her story as it happens to try to help others. It is a testament to her strength and to the strength of your family.

I am thinking about you all and will pray for SB to have an easy road to healing.

[Jocelyn]

Oh. Oh. Oh.

So much I'm feeling and wanting to say. I suspect you already know it's everything hopeful and positive and supportive I can throw out of my heart towards you and your girl.

I'm so glad she has you.

[Michelle]

This is for SB...

You are a beautiful, smart and talented girl! You have so much to look forward to in your life and this is just one short chapter in a book with wonderful adventures and happy endings to come! Take care of you and be healthy!!!

[Navhelowife]

Thinking of you and your family

[debkuroiwa]

my heart is hurting for you and SB and the rest of the family. what a thing to have to go through...but....your blessings are many. keep them always within "reach", to help you through the hard times.
i'm with Suz in that i also learned a couple of things....things i would not have even thought of. for that, i thank you (and SB for allowing it) for posting here.
please, do keep us posted....my thoughts and prayers are with you all.

[Jessie]

My best goes out to you and your family. I'm glad that you found out now and have a wonderful support system.

[mer james]

I have been fully recovered from a very serious eating disorder for twenty five years, have been a psychotherapist specializing in eating disorders since 1990, AND my 25 year old daughter has been in recovery since her inpatient treatment 8 years ago...just want to congratulate you on the speed of getting your daughter into treatment and let you know that eating disorders CAN be overcome. good job mama!

[Karen (formerly kcinnova)]

Everything I was going to write has already been written, but I do have a message for your beautiful daughter.

SB, thank you for allowing your mom to share about this here. We are supporting you & your mom and your whole family 100%.

[JCK (Motherscribe)]

So sorry I am late on this, Jen. Sending love and good thoughts. Am reading through now.

[RealStruggle]

The first post annoys me for some reason, as well as a few other things she says..."I am grateful that we recognized what was happening early--she will be in treatment just a month after the disorder took hold." and "I am grateful that at 5'10 and 122 lbs. SB is thin, on the verge of dangerously so, but is not yet, and will not become, anorexic." LIKE WTF? A month after the disorder "took hold?" And you post your eating disordered daughter's height and weight for the world to see? And a few posts later you put up a bunch of "before and after" pictures of her as well! I am never one to try and discount someone's struggles or minimize an illness, but the whole thing (especially as I kept reading on) is just so dramatic, showy, and annoying. You goes on to say how your daughter had recently been "dieting" and then kept restricting more and lost 1u mm0 lbs and OMG MY GIRL COULD HAVE DIED FROM THIS ILLNESS THANK GOD WE GOT HER INTO TREATMENT WHEN WE DID! And all these people in the comments are like "OH how terrifying! I'm so sorry your family is going through this! SB you can do it, kick anorexia's butt!!!!"
.And the best part??? Approximately a month later, your referring to your daughter as a "recovered anorexic" and talking about wanting to write a memoir with her about "battling anorexia together." ONE MONTH LATER. And many, many times mentions how you could have lost a child to an eating disorder and thank goodness we have one of the best ED clinics in the country in our backyard and yaddayadda!! (Oh and also never misses an opportunity to mention that ANYONE can develop an ED, but "my girl just happens to fit that stereotype of the thin, smart, affluent, white girl").   
I don't want to discount this girl's struggle completely. But the 2 month-long neat little "battle" with anorexia just annoys me as I am going on year 5 of dealing with this hell and even THAT is not a long time compared to a lot of people! I know I shouldn't compare but still. Oh and the daughter got a "recovery" tattoo as well. Now the your an ED activist and a member of "Moms Against Eating Disorders" and all that jazz, and still writing about EDs and CONSTANTLY says things like "as someone who almost lost a child to anorexia".....umm I don't think you almost LOST your child to anorexia. SOO dramatic gahhhhh!!!
...
......
White people....... tsk tsk tsk. Do us a favor and please, shut uuuuppp.

[Rita Arens]

I can't stress enough what a miracle it is you caught it when you did. I feel really confident she'll be able to back away. The longer it goes on, the more rutted those neural pathways get and the harder it is to change your thinking. If she ever wants to email with me, you know where to find me.