The article I linked to the other day wasn't actually the one I wanted to comment upon--this is: 1% Wives Are Helping Kill Feminism and Make the War on Women Possible. The author of the article is Elizabeth Wurtzel, who wrote Prozac Nation, and who might kindly be described as a polarizing figure. I find her interesting and I'm a sucker for a woman who boldly says what's on her mind.
The premise of this particular article is: "Let's please be serious grown-ups: real feminists don't depend on men. Real feminists earn a living, have money and means of their own." She furthers this argument by stating that all the women she has ever know who are "stay-at-home-moms" have nannies and money--that being a SAHM isn't a choice that anyone but a wealthy woman can make.
I've got many problems with Wurtzel's assertions, but I also have some agreements. I cringe when someone says being a SAHM is the hardest job in the world. It's not. It is sometimes hard, but it is not harder than juggling work and raising a family. And the whole Ann Romney brouhaha? I find it insulting that a woman with such means would presume to equate her child-rearing experience to those of woman who have a fraction of her financial resources. Ann Romney has had struggles that give her gravitas to speak on other issues (her health problems), but on opining as to what a difficult job it was raising five boys as a stay-at-home-mom with incredibly deep pockets? No. Just no.
Lest you think I'm a hypocrite, I'm also asserting that I personally know next-to-nothing about raising a family while struggling to put food on the table (though I did watch my mother scrape by as a single mother on welfare when I was a child). I'm an upper-middle-class White woman in America and that descriptor acknowledges that I live a life of some privilege.
Now for Wurtzel's general assertion, with which I vehemently disagree.
"Let's please be serious grown-ups: real feminists don't depend on men. Real feminists earn a living, have money and means of their own."
My answer to that is "Real feminists don't make sweeping, blanket assertions and judgments about other women's lives."
Modern life is complicated and busy. When you are a member of a team--team Married with Children--your team gets to decide how it wants to prioritize the team's values and live life. In general, you became part of a team because you want to go through life with a partner and you added kids to your team because that's what you both wanted.
What worked for our team was for my husband to work outside the home while I stayed home with our children. The male partner staying home while the female partner works outside the home or both team members working are configurations that work for other teams. In any event, our decision was based on mutual trust and understanding and a desire to work toward common goals.
FYI, Elizabeth: There were no nannies involved and there was a considerable amount of economic sacrifice--as is the case with many families I personally know. The reality is that some teams don't want the stress that is generally involved with having both parents work outside the home (when one of you stays at home, you never have to wonder who is going to stay home with a sick kid. That's a huge stress-reliever right there).
At the root of Wurtzel's argument is the supposition that a "real" feminist would never depend on a man. I consider that to be one of the saddest things I've ever read. Yes, I depend on my husband. My husband depends on me. My life, had I decided thirty years ago that I was never going to fully trust my partner, would be such a different, and I believe less enjoyable and fulfilling one, that I don't even like to contemplate it. What a sad way to live.
I get, and don't negate, that there is an economic risk to a woman's (or man's) leaving the workplace. That's why both men and women should choose their partners wisely and keep their eyes open. But there is a risk to most everything we do in this life and the reward, for many teams, of having a less-harried life with a sensible division of labor that facilitates the function and comfort of the family unit, is a risk worth taking.
Feminism, to me, includes letting women make decisions about their lives based on what works for them. Just because I'm a woman that doesn't mean I don't have the brains to reason through consequences and make informed decisions, does it?
