Perspective Takes a Twist

I was sitting at my desk the other day when a student walked through the office accompanied by her little ones, the youngest an adorable toddler who drunken-sailor walked down the hall in that way that reminds you exactly why children that age are called toddlers.

I mused aloud to the work-study student who was doing some filing for me, "I can't wait until I have grandkids."

Her response took me just a bit aback. "You don't have any grandchildren yet?!"

I don't know that I was looking for any response in particular, more just expecting us to heartily agree that toddlers are indeed adorable, but had I been looking for something in particular, that sentiment would not have been it.

With the panicked thought that I might not want to know the answer to the question, I laughed, "How old do you think I am?"

"Early forties?"

Those two words were quite welcome, I'll tell you. And then I thought, "Wait, what, how would I be more likely than not to have grandchildren at that age?" Then I realized that her cultural norm is two babies by the age of twenty. 

Kind of makes you think about how a woman's economic status is directly related to her ability to delay and control her childbearing. This is not where I was going at all, when I started this post, but even if you're one of those undecided or Romney voters that consider economic issues to trump issues of social justice like women's access to medical care, you've got to see the connection between early childbirth and lower socioeconomic status. Right?

So, yeah, this started out a light-hearted post that hints at the niggling little distaste I'm beginning to have toward getting older (though always realizing it beats the alternative), but took a direction all its own. It's almost like I'm worried about the election or something. 

 

Comments

[GrownUp Girl]

Hey. I'm working on it. And then you can help raise a whole new generation of pro-feminist democrats, Mom.

[JennyExplainsItAll.blogspot.com]

My older child (mother of my three grandsons) takes feminist gains entirely for granted and is a rabid Romney supporter. Perhaps the hospital sent me home with a baby elephant by mistake? The rest of us just sigh--heaven knows nobody will ever convince that child of anything! Fortunately after the election we can go back to ignoring our vast idealogical differences.

[Busy Bee Suz]

I can't tell you how many of my highschool-mates are already grandma's.....blows my mind!

[lanes]

Last year was the first that I didn't work with any parents - expectant or existing - and I teach 9th grade. From a purely financial perspective, it kills me when I see young kids never have a chance to get ahead or even attempt to because they have the intense obligations of childrearing.

[Albug]

Politics aside, I had my first child when I was 20 and my second when I was 21. I became a grandmother at 49. I am 62 and have 5 grandchildren. Both of my children are upper middle class, as I was when I had them. ( lucky? Yes we are). That being said, I agree that children change everything for a woman economically and otherwise. I had the right to choose to have my children early ( and it was my choice) as my daughters-in-law had the right to choose to have them a little later. They are the best, grandkids that is. They give you joy and hope and unconditional love.

[Jen on the Edge]

Both of my sets of grandparents had children in their early 20s, then my parents did the same. It occurred to me a few weeks ago that I am now the same age my grandmother was when I was born (43). I was actually on my way to my 25th high school reunion when I thought of this and I scoffed at the idea of 21st century 43 year olds being grandparents. Just a few hours later, I was talking to one of my classmates, who proudly showed me photos of his grandchildren.

I'm raising pro-feminist Democrats and hope to one day in the distant future have grandchildren who are the same.

[Mandy]

Um... I'm 41 and I have a toddler (18 months just). I also have an almost 8 year old and a 5 year old, but where I live in Vancouver BC, it's very common to start having kids in your 30s.

[magpie]

i was at my 30th college reunion earlier this year. at least one classmate is a grandmother, because she had a child while she was still in school. but another wasn't at the reunion because she had had a baby several days earlier - at the age of 52. that confluence was a little mind bending.

[Trudie]

I've turned 60 and am still waiting for grandchildren.
I only realise my "true age" in the eyes of the world when youths from Afghanistan, Eritrea or Ethiopia are amazed over how vital and active I am at my age... In their eyes a woman of my age is at death's door - not one who drives her car at 120km/hr and survives to tell about it. ;-D

[Karen (formerly kcinnova)]

While there is a good chance that I will be a grandmother around the age of 50, it will be because it was planned that way by a loving couple who graduated from college before starting their family.
Now that I've written this, I am a wee bit nervous about my teenage son... But that only serves to illustrate the point, I guess: a married couple with a decent income to support a growing family vs. a pair of high schoolers who are still children themselves.

I've often thought that it could easily have been me at 18 or 19, starting out with a baby (and maybe/maybe not a husband), severely limited income...
Liberal or Conservative, I only want the people in charge to remember that the dividing line between the haves and have-nots is thin line indeed. It could break at any moment due to job loss, poor grades, major injury or illness, or a poorly timed pregnancy (just to name a few things). In other words, look around you and make sure that your response is "that could be me" when you see someone in need.
I actually have conservative friends who DO think that way, for which I am grateful. I'm big on compassion. It makes me a little less scared about the future.

(And then there is the former friend who, when given the young, poor, married, and pregnant scenario just laughed -- which is why she is a FORMER friend.)

[Navhelowife]

Maternal Health (and education) is such a big factor in social and economic stability and growth. Why do people ignore it?
I live in a rapid Romney state. I am learning to just quietly state my position and move on...or not to engage at all.

[Jocelyn]

I LOVE where you went with this post. YES, yes, yes. What a great illustration of so much in our culture right now.

[Aunt Snow]

I agree - what an odd thought. My son is 24 and I'm 57, and I think grandparenthood is still a long way from now. Yet my co-worker is 50 and her daughter has 3 kids.

[CC]

I have a friend who became a grandma at 36. I think that would be really hard!