I need to preface this by saying everything I said last Sunday was true and some of it may have been prescient.
On Saturday morning, I woke up to this text.
I texted back, she called, we talked.
Her analysis of what happened is that she got so comfortable with food and enjoying it that the anorexic thoughts came rushing back with a vengeance. It started happening as she checked her bags to go back to school last Sunday. She's been eating 1,000 calories a day and lost 3 lbs.
She told us. SHE TOLD US!
She decided she needed to come home and I concurred. As she said, "If I am at home, knowing that you will make me eat will make it easy for me to decide to eat. I need that right now." We discussed when and concluded there was no time like the present.
By 7 a.m., I was shaking Mr. Fix-it awake. "Honey, honey, wake up. I'll explain later, but go take a shower. You need to drive to Flagstaff and bring Social Butterfly home."
Bless that man, he was on the road in 45 minutes. They got home in the early wee hours of Sunday and the picture above was what I saw in the morning.
Because the semester just started we should not have to pay tuition and I'm hopeful on the housing. She was going to pick her ski pass today, so I might even be able to get them to roll it over to next year.
The great news is that she recognized what she needed and was brave enough to ask for it. It truly is all anyone can want from someone in recovery--and, really, something more people in the world should do.
None of us are worried about her taking a semester off--it's a medical emergency, she'll go back, and since she started kindergarten at 4 years old, she's not even going to end up behind her peers.
The biggest thing I was worried about was how she would fill her time (she will start with a therapist and maybe a group, but that's a couple of hours a week max). She texted her former employer this morning with her availability to work and she went to work from 2-8 today. The local community college starts on 1/28 and has barely any open courses, but they do have Physical Anthropology and it's in the morning, so it won't even infringe on her work schedule.
I know there are some that would look on this as a failure of some sort, or sad, but I really consider it an amazing success and while there is some bittersweet as far as her not finishing the year at NAU, c'est la vie. It will all be fine in the end. It will be better than fine.
I wouldn't see it as a failure either. She was quick to realize it before it got out of control and she realized she needed to be with her support team.
I'll continue to keep all of you in my thoughts and prayers.
Posted by: Little Miss Sunshine State | January 20, 2013 at 11:30 PM
I think this is the opposite of failure: I think this is a success, in that she recognized what was going on immediately and then immediately asked for help.
Keeping you all in my thoughts and sending good vibes your way.
Posted by: Jen on the Edge | January 20, 2013 at 11:58 PM
It's an unbelievable triumph, in fact; when I was in my first year of college, untroubled by food, I had trouble finding a classroom...much less being self aware enough to know it was time to pull over and take stock.
She's a wonder. I know where she gets it.
NOW: may there be time for you to feel the way you feel, both in terms of current sickness and ongoing Mama processing.
Posted by: Jocelyn | January 21, 2013 at 12:01 AM
Much love to all of you. Imagining the whole wonderful life ahead of her, one semester is a small price to pay. With her honesty and self awareness, I doubt she will be struggling with this in her 30s and 40s. She knows you will give her the love, support and boundaries she needs. This is a success and very far from being a failure. By showing her weakness, she has shown her incredible strength.
Posted by: Denise | January 21, 2013 at 12:29 AM
I call that a major triumph in the battle! I'm so proud of your daughter right now, for knowing what she needed and being honest with herself and with you. It took maturity and courage for her to do that.
I'm proud of you and your husband for seeing what is truly important throughout this entire journey. Seriously, I'm tearing up right now. Your family is awesome!
Posted by: Karen (formerly kcinnova) | January 21, 2013 at 01:22 AM
NOT a failure. SB decided she needed help. She did not try to handle it on her own. SB is becoming an adult and doing it with your and MFI's wonderful help. Hang in there family! I am pulling for all of you.
Posted by: janet | January 21, 2013 at 01:51 AM
I'm so darn proud of her! She really has her act together making these mature decisions about her health. The fact that she has such a wonderful/support system to back her up, is all the more better.
XOXO
Posted by: Busy Bee Suz | January 21, 2013 at 07:48 AM
Wow, family jumping in and working together. Really glad she has self awareness here!
Posted by: gary rith | January 21, 2013 at 08:08 AM
The fact that she was able to recognize the relapse makes this a total success. You all knew this was a chronic illness, and this only illustrates her strength of mind. A chronic illness has to be managed; a lot of people live with chronic illness --in fact, I'll bet all of us live with some chronic condition that causes hiccups in our lives. You must be very proud of her.
Posted by: Cassi | January 21, 2013 at 09:02 AM
It is not a failure. It is success ...100%. I have a suggestion for helping to fill those hours. Write about it. You had mentioned awhile back the possibility of you and Kinsey writing a book about this together. I am watching a friend struggle through a horrific eating disorder with her daughter, and although I have pointed her to your blog, I wish I had a book of yours to hand her. Writing about it as she is experiencing it might be therapeutic for Kinsey as she works toward recovery.
Posted by: jenn | January 21, 2013 at 09:16 AM
Like everyone else has said - SB's recognizing that she needs more help right now is an amazing success! Taking one semester off from college = so inconsequential in the long run. So happy that she advocated for herself and that so many plans are already in place.
Posted by: lanes | January 21, 2013 at 09:25 AM
Nope, not a failure by any means. While I am sad to hear about the shift (especially after feeling oddly uplifted by your last update, despite not going through any similar battles), I have no doubt that she and your family can handle this. Kudos to her for opening up and taking action.
Posted by: KEM | January 21, 2013 at 09:45 AM
I have no experience with EDs but I can recognize how awesome it is that she reached out for help! Will send positive vibes your way!
Posted by: auntjone | January 21, 2013 at 11:29 AM
I'm with everyone here. Asking for help is a WIN.
Posted by: Smalltown Me | January 21, 2013 at 01:43 PM
That is great that she knew the signs and that she was able to reach out to you. Also great that you are able to handle it so well!! I hope her time at home goes well for her and that she is able to conquer this!
Posted by: momtaxijulie | January 21, 2013 at 03:55 PM
Oh this is so NOT a failure. It is progress. Eating disorders are a constant, such as an alcoholic will always be an alcoholic. Your daughter should be proud of herself, she knew there was a problem and reached out to you for help. Please thank her for allowing you to share her story here. I really appreciate it.
Posted by: jean | January 21, 2013 at 07:47 PM
Far from a failure - it is the biggest win of all that sshe turned to you and you were there for her.
Posted by: Brightside-Susan | January 21, 2013 at 08:44 PM
It will be better than fine because SB will be WELL. Nothing's fine if you're not. People go to college at all ages, but being WELL is not something that can wait. Kudos to SB for asking for help. That really is such a big step. My father always says that onto every life a little rain must fall, so consider this just a sprinkle on the road to recovery!
Posted by: Arli | January 21, 2013 at 10:20 PM
ED is a sneaky bitch, but she slapped that bitch back down!!!
Posted by: Becca | January 21, 2013 at 11:59 PM
The fact that she could recognize and ask for what she needed right now is such a big triumph IMO. Also the ability at her age to realize that in the grand scheme of life a semester is merely a blip shows great maturity. I wake up every morning telling myself this (my being grounded by my broken elbow is going to be about the same length of time) but I'm 52. I don't think I would have realized that at her age and would have probably done all kinds of stupid things that may have hampered healing just because I was invincible. Kudos to SB.
Posted by: Deb D | January 22, 2013 at 06:40 AM
Well done, SB. She's a good egg.
Continued healing to her.
Posted by: magpie | January 22, 2013 at 04:34 PM
Mi kredas ke via vidpunkto estas profunda,
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Jeg elsker det! Du har sådan en kreativ øje og gøre alt, hvad du sat sammen arbejde.
Posted by: tee shirt lacoste | March 07, 2013 at 10:29 PM
Redford is going to announce her cabinet next Wednesday, and since it’s such a difficult decision, I’d like to offer a suggestion.
Posted by: home organization | May 02, 2013 at 11:29 PM