Juggling Life

In Which 50 is Fabulous Beyond Belief

I really, really was content with a quiet birthday celebration for my fiftieth. Lots of time with friends the day before my birthday, texts and phone calls from my kids, and a delicious dinner in a stunning setting with Mr. Fix-it had me feeling very blessed.

Nothing to complain about here. It was going to be a selfie, but a dog-walking teen kindly offered to take the picture; kids today!

I would have stayed at the beach a little longer, but Mr. Fix-it was chilly (in retrospect, possibly a smidge suspicious). 

It turns out that Grownup Girl--with help from The Pinup Girl who is a party thrower extraordinaire--and Social Butterfly were behind all of this (with a generous budget from Mr. Fix-it) and they rocked it completely. MVP and Mandy flew in from Chicago Thursday night, SB and her friends got up early Friday to drive home and they all chipped in on party prep and the transformation of the house once we were out to dinner. Danger Boy couldn't make it--the East Coast makes a turnaround trip like this a bit of a nightmare; he made up for it by texting me photos of himself and his date at a dance--so I did get to see both my handsome sons looking spiffy. 

  

This video shows my shock and joy when I hit the light and saw 40 or so friends leap up from behind the bar, yelling "SURPRISE!" I believe the phrase "Oh, my god!" was on loop for about five minutes. I don't need a photo to remember in striking detail their faces looking at my face and them looking thrilled at my happiness. Seeing MVP and Mandy and Social Butterfly and her roommates and SB's good friend Nicole from UCSB was like icing upon icing on my birthday cake. 

I am a Girl Scout at heart:

Make new friends and keep the old, one is silver and the other's gold. A circle is round, it has no end, that's how long I want to be your friend.

(That photo on the bottom right? We are having "orgasms'--you hollow out a chocolate covered strawberry, fill it with amaretto and add whipped cream. You'll understand why we had multiples!)

The Pinup Girl and her fiance bought a program that they will use at their wedding and set up a photo booth on a laptop; what you can do with creativity, PVC pipe, spray paint and fabric is stunning. The invitation will give you an idea of what went into this party. They had a dress and jewelry for me! The Mod, Mod world theme was incredibly fun. 

Mandy took setup photos. Is this not fab? In the kitchen are Grownup Guys parents, in from Chicago.

 

I always love my house, but I really love it full of people. To be able to have a houseful of guests with beds and bathrooms enough to go around makes me very happy.

It wouldn't be a mod, mod world without a mod, mod bar--featuring all your favorite Mad Men drinks! This is Pinup Girl's fiance and he mixes a strong and tasty drink!

Some things seem like a good idea at the time--I blame this on the fact that a dare was involved. Maybe I am just a college kid at heart :)

The Pinup Girl, Grownup Girl and Julie:

Partners-in-crime for so many years and now they are reunited in San Diego and busy launching their lives. It's so much fun to watch!

I definitely partied like a rock star and went strong until about 1 a.m. The next day was brunch with Grownup Girl and Guy and his parents, an extended time doing nothing but watch from the couch as The Pinup Girl and her man and Mr. Fix-it put the house back together and then a burst of energy in which I got some of the laundry done and cleaned my bedroom and bathroom. All the young people spent the day at the beach-a wise choice since it was stunning weather--and then MVP made a pasta feast for us all and we ate and talked and laughed and ate leftover cake (it is deadly delicious). 

Sunday was largely spent saying goodbyes, writing thank you cards and doing the happiest laundry ever--the sheets and towels generated by houseguests.

My house is full of flowers and memories.

I really don't have the words to express what an amazing gift this was, but I think this text from a friend--the one that shot the video-- says it well.

I FELT adored and I also feel so proud that I had a part in forming these incredible adults who are my children. I am honored and blessed to have amazing, warm, fun, interesting friends who were made happy by making me happy. And this guy . . .

I am sure glad I trusted my 16-year old self to know what she was doing when she told me--upon first meeting him (at the mall, natch)--that he would be the man I married. It's working out. What a life--I am loving every minute of it. My birthday wish is this kind of joy and contentment for everyone.

 

Finally Fifty

This is 50. Well, actually 49, but I think I will look much the same tomorrow. I don't believe in editing age out of photos, but maybe one day I will change my mind. I hope not.

Damn, I have been talking about this for a long time. Definitely had a lowkey midlife crisis for a few months--but it's ridiculous to continue to squander valuable and limited brain real estate on something you can't change. So better to just work on things you can change. That's what I will continue to do.

I have always admired Sandra Day O'Connor for having an outstanding career after raising her family; I hope I continue to have the kind of energy that takes. Being an activist suits me and I am going to work my hardest to "re-brand" eating disorders as serious illnesses that deserve society's support. The funding inequalities are astonishing; I think greater public EDucation will help change this. We're not getting our piece of the pie. That needs to change.

My juggle now is to find my voice. I can't be quite as unfiltered as is my style, but part of what makes me effective is to say things others might not. I really appreciate all the support I am getting and am hoping to partner with some cool new people on the Twitter front. Stay tuned.

I highly recommend a day filled with all your favorites the day before a big birthday. Had a relaxing and wonderful sleepover with my good friend, Michele; I made a nice pasta, salad and bread for dinner last night and she and Mr. Fix-it and I watched American Hustle. I stayed up until 11 p..m. on a school night! This morning we had mimosas while watching Blue Jasmine (LOVED IT), then massages at a day spa to which I will definitely return--pampering without snootiness. Skype call with my PITAs and then book group with my water polo moms. Coworker lunch date and lans for a nice dinner out with Mr. Fix-it tomorrow night.

It's a good life; I enjoy living it. I hope I get to do it for a lotta more years.

P.S. If you know anyone that wants to put me on the TV or radio, I really enjoy doing it; I feel like I am connecting with people and getting the message out. I can't embed the tape of my radio interview, but here's the link. Boy, I am meeting really nice, ethical people--it's restoring my faith in humanity. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Seeking Recruits for the Menopausal Hen Twitter Army

Life: She is naught but crazy at times.

The Yahoo article led to a TV Interview (hoping for more to come, I am doing a radio show for a station in North Carolina on Tuesday). I am certainly making contacts with some phenomenal journalists who care about telling a story ethically and that is nothing but good. I am hoping that #NEDAW next year will give me a chance to EDucate more people and spread awareness.

San Diego, California News Station - KFMB Channel 8 - cbs8.com 

A hilarious offshoot of all of this was that an insult in a comment on the Yahoo page (can't unsee some of it, though it's since been deleted. I am fairly sure that if what you got from that story is that my daughter and I are both "bang-able," you've been in your parent's basement for too long) has led to my Twitter Army having a name . . .

Introducing: THE MENOPAUSAL HENS TWITTER ARMY (Activism-ing on a Twitter feed near you)!

(I am still tweeting from @jugglingjenn, but I had to change my Twitter handle to Menopausal Hen Jenn 'cause that just has too fun a ring to it to pass up. If you're going to turn 50 anyway, why not embrace it fully?!)

Stay tuned for more craziness!

 

Thanks so much to reader and FB friend, Amy, for this. You know how sometimes you REALLY wish someone lived next door because you would get on together like a house on fire? That's how I feel about her!

Also, the Menopausal Hen Twitter Army takes those men brave enough to Warrior with us--and the first man to sign on the dotted line is the same dad I first met on a plane to Dallas (we were both en route to the F.E.A.S.T. Conference) when he recognized me from my FB profile pic and then graciously let me hitch a ride to the hotel in his rental car. Again, life is deliciously full of kismet and craziness sometimes!

In Which I Shamelessly Use My Impending 50th Birthday to Beg for Something

As you may know, I am in countdown mode to my 50th birthday. T-8 days to be precise. I was pretty angsty about the whole thing for about nine months and then I just sort of realized that it was happening regardless (God willing and the creek don't rise) and the internal whinging was not going to make a damn bit of difference so I ought to just move on. And I did. 

But . . .

50 IS a big birthday and it would be a shame to let it pass without some sort of bloggy celebration; after all I've been doing this since I was but a young woman of 42. (Good. Grief.) 

(Insert smooth transition that is just not happening for me writing-wise right now.)

A pretty amazing thing happened today; this piece was published on Yahoo. If you remember, the beginning of all of this was just last week, so it's been quite a whirlwind. The thing I'm most pleased about is all the new recruits to my long-dreamed of Twitter Army of Eating Disorder Awareness Advocates and Activists. People are beginning to believe!

What does this have to do with my birthday?

This journalist, Beth Greenfield, did a fantastic job with the piece; she asked insightful questions and her story reflects what we talked about--that's not always a given. I would love for her editor to see that a story like this--one that raises awareness and highlights advocacy--can generate traffic. 

To that end . . .

For my birthday, I would like all of you--regular commenters, intermittent readers and lurkers alike--to leave a comment on the Yahoo piece. If you would like to put icing on that birthday cake of mine, you could also retweet me--@jugglingjenn--as I am looking to take this story even further; national coverage would be a dream come true.

To get the message out that eating disorders are deadly diseases with a strong neurobiological component and deserve the evidence-based treatment and insurance coverage that is a given for other medical conditions is what I REALLY want for my birthday. 

Will you help a sister out? 

P.S. YES, you do have to have a Yahoo account to comment. It takes less than 30 seconds to sign up. I love you!

 

 

 

Houston, We Have a Problem, Part 3

As a nurse surreptitiously videoed Jenny's room we tiptoed to her doorway, until she caught sight of us . . . Jenny was in utter shock! Enough to hide under the covers, probably thinking we were ghosts!   It would have taken wild horses to hold us back, especially Alyson and Denise, from bee-lining it to Jenny, embracing her, stroking her hair, her face, her hands.  To meet her in person, experiencing the elements of touch, sight, sound and reality, was overwhelming for all of us . . .many tears were shed, and no words will ever be able to convey the magic in the room that night!

Faith, Alyson, Jenny, Denise (aka Jenn)

And to make this visit complete, much to Jenny's dismay, a meal was in order! We went to the cafeteria together. How could we not?   After months of Skyped meal support, It was time for the real deal--macaroni and cheese, french fries and a smoothie. We ate, we laughed, we loved on Jenny!

All too soon, our visit came to an end.  Our goodbyes were quick.  But the afterglow and the impact of that visit lingers till now, and for what will be a lifetime.  A day that forever bonded three PITA Moms and their PITA daughter, that, in a sense, completed a journey from cyberspace to reality.  Nothing can ever take the place of reality . . .a real touch, hug, an eye-to-eye gaze. We hold those moments close to our hearts as we move back into our lives and realities.

Jenny and PITA Mom Denise having a moment/Photo by Faith.

We rejoice that our goal of treatment for Jenny was accomplished, knowing that it took the full efforts of 13 dedicated, fearless and tireless women and all they brought with them, including supportive spouses and families. However, we all agree that this is just the beginning of something way bigger than our original singular goal . . . there really is a method to the PITA madness.  And madness it was at times, but the madness worked and it can work for others suffering from an eating disorder who are unable to access treatment in a conventional manner.  So with Jenny tucked in safely in treatment and PITA moms recovering from caring for her, we are working towards our long-term goals and mission(s).  

One thing we know for certain . . . life will never be the same for any of us again!   We are forever the original PITA Moms!

Like you, we are imperfect, and, like you, we are enough.

 

Sometimes it's personal

I have a very good friend whose daughter died from her anorexia--in her twenties and her heart stopped in her sleep. Very rarely did I ever take offense--on Danger Boy's behalf or my own--over jokes about Tourette's Syndrome. So it's not that I'm a humorless person. The cutesy names that make like eating disorders are a style statement. I. Just. Cannot.

I doubt I will ever get through to the idiots that designed and sell these sunglasses, but maybe Amazon can get them off their site, at least.

 

Mr. Bezos,

 

Amazon is a huge corporation, but I hope that it is a corporation with a conscience. As a teacher, I know that words have power, As the mother of a daughter in recovery from anorexia, I know that this deadly illness is not a style statement. 

 

I would appreciate it if you would send a message to those who wish to do business with Amazon that just as you would not carry "Retard" sunglasses, or "Chemothin" sunglasses, that you will also refuse to carry the Theirry Lasry "anorexxy" sunglasses.

 

I would be over-the-moon with gratitude if you would make a public statement that acknowledges that eating disorders are a brain--based illness with a 20% mortality rate and, as such, using the disease name as a marketing tool is unacceptable.

 

Thank you for your time; I spend considerable money at Amazon and have found the company to be very responsive to customer concerns. 

 

Jennifer Denise Ouellette

 

It was 21 years ago today . . .

Danger Boy already opened his Amazon-shipped gifts of a good beard trimmer and a Magic Bullet, so I'm not giving anything away by sharing. When he called to say thanks, he said "Remember how you were always cooking brown rice and broccoli and stuff like that and I hated it?" (Why, yes, I do happen to remember--I used to joke that his preferred meal was a funnel and a bag of sugar.) "That's the kind of food I cook now" (this is his first year with a kitchen). If that's not a sign of adulthood, I don't what what is.

Happy 21st Birthday, Danger Boy . . . life with you has never been dull! Love you much, my Achy Breaky Jakey!

Here's the post I wrote for his 15 birthday--this blog has been a wonderful way to memorialize our lives.

Danger Boy--going straight to the top without bothering with the trail since 1993.

 

 

Water, water everywhere and not a drop to drink . . .

I am posting my words all over the place, just not here. 

It's hard out there for a pimp eating disorder activist. Who knew there was so much misinformation out there that I would have to launch a one-woman crusade to personally read and comment on every article linked to every tweet hashtagged #NEDAW (National Eating Disorder Awareness Week)?

The thing that makes it really hard (and slightly less fun) is that I am told that snark is not the most effective method of opening minds. I am having to use wording like "While your intent is good . . . I am concerned with . . ."  rather than phrases that roll more trippingly off my tongue like "Have you actually read a scientific journal published since 1983, fer f**k's sake?!"

It takes energy and restraint, people!

Even with all the tilting at windmills I do, I now have enough free time to exercise every day, cook an ocassional meal for hubs, watch cool stuff on Netflix (House of Cards. Oh. My.) and get to the movies--I actually saw three in the five days before the Academy Awards and ended up seeing all the best picture nominees. Loved them all, but it would have gone to Wolf of Wall Street if it was my choice.

I am relishing catching up with all the friends that were mostly sidelined from my life during The Road to Rosewood mania.

Last Wednesday night, I started back up with my weekly visit to hang and have dinner with my friend, Michele--a former student--and her totes adorbs kidlets.

I have a bil ol' smile on my face for many reasons, not the least because when we set off on a late afternoon hike, the kids didn't for one minute doubt that I was going to the top--and not on any roundabout way either, but straight up after them.

True story: This was formed by a volcano and is pretty much right in Michele's back yard.

When you are 49 years and 345 days old, that's a big compliment. So much so that I'll post that picture even if it does make thoughts of Botox dance in my head. Not really. Maybe a little. (Actually, I think seeing Kim Novak on Oscar night sealed the deal on sticking with the natural aging process--give or take a few facial peels).

Danger Boy turns 21 on Monday. As Mr. Fix-it says, "What the hell?!" and "No way!"

Dr. Who--okay, I am finally in. After Buzzfeed told me I was the strong female heroine River Song, I had to see what that was all about; apparently I am not just starting a series, but embarking on a lifestyle.

Daylight Savings Time starts tomorrow . . . I am thrilled. I will gladly give you that hour of sleep for the chance to walk around the lake after work and still have time to eat dinner on the patio.

Random . . . every now and again it has its appeal; what random things have you been doing?

 

 

Houston, We Have a Problem, Part 2

As we settled in together on Friday, our minds were solely on Jenny, just a few hours away in Houston.   Houston was only 4 hours by car!  Oh how we wanted to finally meet our Jenny in person! Friday night our mission to Houston began! Car rental . . . check!  Directions . . . check. Three road warriors . . .check!   (Due to her responsibilities, Becky couldn't join us). Jenny hasn't a clue we are coming!  Mum's the word!

We got a late start on Saturday morning . . . afternoon rather!  At the helm was our pilot, Alyson, first stop, Starbucks. Supposedly a few blocks from the car rental place, however, all roads do not lead to Starbucks, even when they are supposed to. But Texas gold was calling so Starbucks had to be found. After many U turns and directionally challenged all-seat drivers, voila! We arrived! That only took 15 minutes to find.

Time to get on the road for real  At some point between Dallas and Houston, Denise gets fixated on finding a new tablet for Jenny, hers being broken.  Of course, this had to be found before we got to Jenny.  We also decided on flowers and perhaps a cuddly bear...and how hard can it be to find a Walmart in Texas!?  I mean, we were in Walmart country, by golly! And by golly, we found one!  Right thar off the highway!   Seemed like all of Texas was headed to that same Walmart off the highway, 'cause getting to it wasn't easy!   Traffic lined up, cars mid intersection, left turn lane jammed, Faith insisting we just ride the lane next to it to the front, and sweetly ask to butt in!   Maybe that works in Pennsylvania, but Alyson and Denise weren't about to risk their lives letting me try that act in Texas! (editor's note: Denise is actually ethically and morally opposed this maneuver).  Finally, the Walmart parking lot!   And all that walks in it! Including us.  Who stood out boldly from them!  (I'm sure they felt the same about us!)

We all split up in the store to grab one of our gifts, and converged in electronics to see what tablet Denise found!   I will never truly be able to convey here what that moment was for us, but I will try.  Three of us watching the salesman guy amble over to us, sucking the bits of lunch out of his teeth and eating time on the clock getting to us . . . does he really work here or did he just morph out of Duck Dynasty? Denise is frantically pointing to the exact tablet we want, and the sales man has to convey to us in Texan twang and speed . . ."We ain't got no tablets, we was robbed, took everything outta them shelves (we look down at the locked cabinets to see nada, zilch, zippo) in broad daylight.  Can't sell ya no tablets. Won't have em 'til next week.   Can't sell that display either."  

We're outta there!!   Racing thru Walmart, 'cause by now, it's getting late and we need to reach Jenny!  But NOT without that Tablet, declares Denise!  And when Denise declares . . . well, let's just say we were hell bent to find another Walmart!   Or Staples. Or Target. Or any darn place selling tablets"  And oh . . . we saw them all!  Yes, we found it!  We see it from the highway! There it is, get off here!  Here?  Where? Wait...where'd that exit go?   We discovered that you need to exit in Texas way before you actually SEE your store of choice off the highway! And it was here that we realized....
HOUSTON, we have a problem.

As we exited off yet another random ramp, Denise reached her spiritual breaking point by declaring,"if I see a Walmart or Staples at the end of this ramp, I'm going to believe in God."  Alyson and I were praying like crazy.   Guess it wasn't Denise's time!

Back on the highway, and Faith is ready to ditch the whole tablet thing already!   Let's just get to Jenny! Uh, wait, is that really...could it be?  A Target!!!  Accessible, yay...go,, go, go...poor Alyson was a wreck by this time, in one breath screaming for quiet and in the other, telling us she loved us dearly.  Denise was in hyper-energizer mode (oh, wait...that's her normal mode, so how else could I describe it? You get the picture!) ready to dash into that Target and find her bounty!   No tablets there!  

While Alyson and I turned in circles wondering where Denise disappeared to, Denise calls and tells us she hightailed it first to Radio Shack next door then to Staples across the parking lot!  On foot. We never saw her actually leave Target, she was going so fast!   At least Target has cuddly bears.  One mission accomplished between Dallas and Houston!  And Pizza! A and I, well, that Pizza Hut pizza was too much to turn down.  We needed fuel and I immediately.   Off we ran, pizzas in hand . . . or in my case, in mouth...to Staples to find Denise, praying to God she found that tablet!   And she did!  However, getting a distracted salesman to ring her up was another story.   Time was running out and 4 hours had past!  And we hadn't reached our destination yet!   Finally, Tablet and gifts in hand, we were off!   So close now, arriving in the city and blocks from Jenny . . . GPS is a bit confused and so are we.   This hospital is a mega- structure.  Finding the parking garage was a feat in itself and having to make the turn into it using a lane shared by a train.  well . . . that almost put us all over the edge (editor's note: It was actually Denise, who happens to have personally known someone killed by sitting in a car on train tracks).  Green light couldn't come fast enough!

Houston, we have arrived!

And Jenny, here we come!

We really (and I do mean really as you can tell by my facial expression) just want to get there at this point! Also, there's a tablet in that there purse.

Stop back for the final installment--in which we meet Jenny in person for the very first time.