my thinning years: starving the gay within: A Book Review (and Giveaway)

It's been quite some time since I've written a book review, but Lisa (who clearly knows me) at TLC Book Tours, reached out to me with a recovery memoir by Jon Derek Croteau, a gay man from an abusive home who suffered with and recovered from anorexia, bulimia and exercise bulimia (obsessive running in his case) titled "my thinning years: starving the gay within."

I love memoir as a genre; we all live and filter our own lives and our stories are ours to do with what we will. I forgave James Frey a lot with A Million Little Pieces because I thought it was innovative and well-done (unlike Oprah I always thought the plane trip anecdote was hyperbolized beyond recognition). The Glass Castle is one of my favorite books.

I enjoyed this well-written contribution to the canon. But.

Eating disorder recovery memoirs are fraught for me. As stated above, your story is your story. That said, I know a lot about eating disorders, therapeutic filters, recent research, genetic components, etc. So the truth of a eating disorder recovery memoirist may (and so far consistently does) collide with my own truth. 

I was intrigued with Jon's story and path as outlined on the back cover, "As a child, Jon tried desperately to be his father’s version of the all-American boy, denying his gayness in a futile attempt to earn the love and respect of an abusive man. With this he built a deep, internalized homophobia that made him want to disappear rather than live with the truth about himself. That denial played out in the forms of anorexia, bulimia, and obsessive running, which consumed him as an adolescent and young adult.

It wasn’t until a grueling yet transformative Outward Bound experience that Jon began to face his sexual identity. This exploration continued as he entered college and started the serious work of sorting through years of repressed anger to separate from his father’s control and condemnation.

My Thinning Years is an inspiring story of courage, creativity, and the will to live--and of recreating the definition of family to include friends, relatives, and teachers who support you in realizing your true self."

Now for the "but."

I think Jon's father was a very cruel man and and was enormously insecure. I'm sure his memoir would reveal he was haunted by many demons. He was a really bad parent. Jon's mother didn't protect him as one would hope she night have. BUT I don't think they caused his eating disorders. I don't think repressing his homosexuality caused his eating disorder. I sure don't think any of it HELPED him recover, but that's a different story. 

If I ever get another tattoo, it would likely read "Correlation isn't causation." Putting recent scientific research on genetics and functional MRIs aside, it seems relatively simple to see that if terrible parenting (or sexual abuse or bullying or thin-focused media, or fat-shaming, etc.) alone caused eating disorders there would be many more instances of eating disorders than there are. If good parenting could prevent eating disorders, the my life, my daughter's life and the lives of countless friends would be drastically different than they are.

That I don't think any of the above are causes for eating disorders doesn't in any way mean I don't acknowledge their presence exacerbates the difficulty of recovery. I applaud anyone who recovers for an eating disorder. I am grateful for those men who are raising their voices in the cause of ensuring that society knows men can get eating disorders. These men often explore issues of the ways society is cruel to boys and men and they shine a light on the danger of the repression of emotion and self-knowledge society demands of men. 

As a footnote to this, I am Facebook friends with Brian Cuban, who has also written a brave memoir, Shattered Image. I admire and support his work as a speaker and activist and I have been gratified that he now incorporates information on genetics and biology in his articles and interviews. This is a favorite piece where he addresses all of this and worth a read.

Final thoughts: my thinning years: starving the gay within is a compelling memoir and it is wonderful to see the evolution of a life of pain transformed into a life of honesty and purpose. If you'd like to read for yourself, I will mail one lucky commenter my (only slightly) water-damaged copy. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Comments

[Lisa Munley]

Thank you for a terrific review. You're so knowledgeable in this area and I knew you'd bring a great perspective to the review. Thanks so much for being on the tour!

[Common Household Mom]

"If good parenting could prevent eating disorders, then my life, my daughter's life and the lives of countless friends would be drastically different than they are."

I so agree.

[suburbancorrespondent]

Oooh, I'd love it!

Can't both theories co-exist? Can't some eating disorders spring full-born in certain people, while others are at least partially caused (in susceptible subjects) by the damage done by an abusive parent? While many children survive and thrive after an abusive childhood, others with a predisposition to these sort of problems may not fare as well.

And you KNOW I am as antipathetic toward "bad parent" theories as you are! Nurture is not destiny, for sure.

[Minnesota Matron]

I already bought the book, midway through your post. Thank you, colleague, advocate, friend.

[Jocelyn]

I think I became bored with reviews a few years ago--as they so often are blah or written with a certain publication's agenda in mind or too fawning. Reading this, thus, was as satisfying as chugging a hoppy IPA. Thanks for delicious plus enough edge to help me believe it.

And I needed this phrase: "Correlation isn't causation."

Can't believe it's not been in my arsenal!

[Karen (formerly kcinnova)]

I haven't read this book yet, but I have read several books lately about Christian gay men coming out and the damage that churches have caused with misinformation ("gay lifestyle") and interpretation of Scripture.
I don't believe parenting causes anorexia any more than I believe that parenting causes homosexuality. That said, there is a possibility that things said or done can trigger ED, yes? (And in the case of homosexuality, I suspect that eventually the person figures out his or her sexual orientation even in the most repressed of circumstances.)

[Jenn @ Juggling Life]

Something done or said can trigger restricting food which triggers the disease. But if youre not wired, you wont end up with an ED.

Sent from my iPhone

[best budget smartphones]

This is not a book just for gay teens accepting themselves while overcoming demons. This is a book for the people who love them as well. This is a book for the changing world, and a population of people who understand that Love is Love. I hope that this book will be shared, and help save lives, families, and relationships.