Juggling Life

Rebuttal to New York Times Piece: Is Obesity O.K.?

In response to Carol Weston’s supposition (Is Obesity O.K.?) that we should quit not talking about obesity, I must wonder where she got the idea that we’re not talking about it incessantly? I feel bombarded by messages from every quarter that say that I—an educated, accomplished professional, mother of four successful adult children, happily married for 27 years, and both healthy and fit—am “less than” because thin is not also one of my “accomplishments.”

The reality is that our thin-focused, dieting, fat-shaming culture does nobody any good.  Eating disorders are being triggered in ever-higher numbers in part due to our rigid, black and white health messages—eat clean! sugar is demonic! fat is evil!—and obesity is still on the rise. 

The obesity epidemic is due to a complex interplay of agricultural policy, urban design, educational policies, social welfare issues and myriad other factors. If you want to address these under the premise that improvements in these arenas are good for all of us--in the form of affordable nutrient-dense foods, fewer food deserts, more walk-able cities, physical education and nurses back in schools, decreased crime so neighborhoods are safe for outdoor play, etc. than please do so.

Addressing the obesity epidemic at the personal level is ineffective, misguided, mean-spirited and wholly fruitless and the evidence is clear on this. Judging the girls as you describe yourself doing in your piece may make you “feel” like you are helping others, but you’re not; you are hurting them and it’s not an act of concern, it’s an act perpetuating the myth that the size of your body makes you morally superior to them. It does not.

Jennifer Denise Ouellette

It's Me. On My Soapbox. Seeing Rainbeau Red.

You KNOW a Good Morning America segment titled "Tinseltown Tots Take 2-Week Vegan Cleanse Challenge" was going to get my attention. Go ahead, it's worth the view just so you can actually smack your head versus just typing SMH.

Several of us have tried to engage Rainbeau Mars on Twitter and Instagram though what we have gotten in return is new age-y platitudes that make little sense and demonstrate a deliberately obtuse attitude. 

Since GMA sees fit to consider RM a nutrition expert worthy of airtime on the basis that thin must equal healthy (as that is her only qualification I can see because she sure has no formal education on the subject), I have decided I am now, "Joulet Neptune" nutrition expert. I'm not thin, but I do understand science and have spent considerable time speaking to dietitians (the educated, registered type) over the past couple of years. 

The following is my expert opinion which I have shared with Rainbeau Mars; oddly, she has been silent via Twitter and email today though she promised to have a dialogue. You're right, I'm not the patient type-since she could email me immediately to get me to calm down on Twitter, I would expect her, in exchange for my restraint, to at least acknowledge the email. Whether or not this missive makes her reconsider will depend a lot on whether health is her true concern or whether it's self-promotion. We shall see.

Related: Good Morning America you have to answer for this as well--how is this an ethical thing to promote?

 

 

Rainbeau,

I would like to begin by noting that we share a common goal: healthy, nourished children. It is my hope that by stating this up front, you will open yourself to hearing this message—a message that is counterintuitive. I understand what I am saying turns everything you think you know, and everything that is intuitive to you, upside down.

I am a member of the group Mothers Against Eating Disorders. We love our children with the same passion you have for yours, and like you, their health is our number one priority. Many of us, like you, come from a place of understanding that a highly processed diet is detrimental to one’s health. Many of us, like you, come from a place of understanding that moving one’s body is vital for energy.  Like you, we understand the health risks to children who are raised only on soda and chips; thankfully the options are not a dichotomy of healthy versus junk—we can model and provide balance for our children. Again, we have much common ground on which to conduct a dialogue.

Like any mother who has faced the potential death of a child due to a serious illness I have become educated and learned to speak a language that was foreign to me until my own daughter became anorexic. Before anorexia took up residence in my daughter’s body, I was naïve and uneducated and whatever vague understanding I had of the disorder was erroneous and sensationalist information I’d picked up from Lifetime TV movies and ABC afterschool specials.  My family was blessed to have a pediatrician who recognized the signs of the mysterious stomach issues and weight loss in our girl; neither my family nor my daughter fit any profile in popular culture of a family in which this disease would happen. 

Here is what I have learned, from reading and meeting with top experts in the eating disorder field, a discipline that has undergone an explosive shift in knowledge in the last 10 years: 

Children who develop eating disorders share a similar genetically programmed personality profile.  These traits are:

• Rule-follower
• Tendency to perfectionism
• Wanting to please parents and teachers (authority figures)
• Rigid, black/white thinking

The crazy thing about those above traits is that they make for a kid that is generally very easy to parent and they are kids teachers absolutely love. They earn great grades, are internally motivated and are often drawn to sports or music where there ability to work hard and practice until perfect are great assets. Once these kids put their minds to something, it happens.

I also learned that eating disorders are triggered by a period of malnutrition or weight loss—and this can be either by accident or design; the fact that intent to restrict food intake or lose weight is not required is vitally important.

Where does the above information intersect with what you are promoting; which you call a non-reduced calorie cleanse?

Let’s picture a 7-year old girl with the profile I have described above. She hears one of your talks or a parent raises the topic with her. She is not old or mature enough to process your complete message, but what she hears is this: fruits and vegetables are good—they are “clean.” Hmmmm, if fruits & veg are so great they are the focus of this cleanse, other foods must be “dirty.” Clean things are good, dirty things are bad, so I am going to stick with as much fruit and vegetable as possible.

She also sees that mom is impressed with her for sticking with this—maybe her siblings want to cheat or are having difficulty sticking with this, but not her. Nope, she’s got the willpower and it feels great, plus she probably gets praise and admiration for doing this cleanse perfectly.

The 14-days goes by, but she’s not ready to give this up. If 14-days is better, forever is best. If she can cut out ALL of the dirty foods that’s going to be even better. Mom doesn’t know to watch out for this and it starts slowly in ways a parent may not even notice with cutting back on quantities, or ditching snacks at school. Those actions cause malnutrition—when the brain doesn’t get 30% of its calories from fat, it becomes compromised very quickly and the switch is flipped in the genetically vulnerable.

Soon mom is concerned, then panicked—why won’t her 7-year old eat? What is with the abject terror of any food that isn’t 100% clean? Why won’t she even eat a vegan cupcake? Why is she losing weight? Why is she avoiding social situations like birthday parties? Where did the light in her eyes go? Why is my child wasting away before my eyes? 

If that mother is lucky, she has a knowledgeable doctor and her child gets top-notch treatment immediately. In that case, there is about two years of the worst hell you’ve ever imagined as you weight-restore and properly nourish the child, living all the time under the specter of relapse because as the height changes, the weight must go up or you are back at square one. If that mother is lucky, her child lives. With a 20% mortality rate for anorexia, having her child make it is not a given—not by a long shot. 

Of course, I would never expect you to just take my word for all of the above. I am including links to both scientific journals and mainstream pieces that reinforce what I am saying. In your response, I would appreciate receiving links to the scientific research and medical opinions that support your position that cleanses for children are both healthy and risk-free.

I appreciate your willingness to engage in a dialogue. I understand having your beliefs challenged is difficult and much of what I am saying is counterintuitive, but it is the truth—and a very hard truth at that. If you would like me to arrange a further dialogue with an expert in the field of both eating disorders and obesity in children, I would be happy to do so.

 

Sincerely,

 

Jennifer Denise Ouellette

 

Further Reading:

 

Eating Disorders Strike Younger and Younger

 

Anorexia Can Strike and Kill as Young as Kindergarten

 

Trading Health for a Healthy Weight: The Uncharted Side of Healthy Weight Initiatives

 

In Pitching Veggies to Kids, Less is More

 

School obesity programs may promote worrisome eating behaviors and physical activity in kids

 

Trendy Cleanses for Kids Harm Children

The Dark Side of "Teaching" a Healthy Lifestyle

Let me preface this by saying I am a mom who made all my own baby food, made sure our milk and chicken were antibiotic-free and didn't allow TV on weekdays, the better to be outside running around after school. Added to that, as a parent volunteer and a teacher, I've seen far too many lunches that consist of two bags of chips and a soda. Don't get me started on the loss of daily P.E. and adequate recess in our schools.

I am VEHEMENTLY opposed to any type of specific nutritional education and BMI/Fitness testing in our schools.

Whaaaaat? You ask. Whyyyyyy? You ask. Let me tell you, I reply.

Because in addition to the above, I am also the mother of a daughter in recovery from anorexia. Because I know things I never knew before about eating disorders and genetic predispositions and at-risk personality traits. Because nutritional education is likely triggering eating disorders in younger and younger children. Because the obesity epidemic--a complicated intersection of agricultural policy, urban design, and social and educational policies, and a dieting culture is not going to be solved by teaching kids that sugar or fat are bad. Not for that child and not for all children.

Because all this talk about good and bad foods, healthy and unhealthy behaviors, and the attendant fat-shaming as you share cautionary tales of unhealthy lifestyles, harms and kills kids. And while obesity might kill your child someday, anorexia is happy to do it today.

For children who are people-pleasers, who are perfectionistic, who are black-and-white thinkers, that nutrition unit is a finger firing a trigger on the loaded gun of genetic predisposition.

Talk to the parents of an anorexic (there are other eating disorders of course, but this is where my expertise and experience lie) and the stories sound so similar it would be comical if it was at all laughable. 

It goes like this: their child decided to follow some rules about food and exercise-rules their teachers and parents taught him/her. (This is where that personality profile comes in--children who go on to develop anorexia are generally really good students and overall terrific kids--smart and creative are common adjectives. They want to make you happy and they want to do things right.) At first, you usually congratulate yourself on parenting that mythical unicorn of a kid--the one that loves an apple better than a cookie, the one that would rather take a walk than watch TV. High-fives all around.

If you're the parent of a little, you probably pick up some issues right away. If you're the parent of an older kid, it may take awhile. One day, you realize you are scared out of your motherfucking mind because you CAN'T get your kid to eat. CANNOT DO IT. If you're lucky, as I was, you have a great pediatrician, a phenomenal program nearby, and insurance that does what insurance is supposed to do. If you're not lucky, you struggle to find help as your child gets sicker and you deal with clueless clinicians and then when you do find help, you have to mortgage your house to pay for it. If you're lucky like me, your daughter is alive, in recovery, and goes to college. If you're not lucky, your son is dead; many sufferers die of medical complications and suicide while waiting to access treatment. When treatment is available quickly, the 20% mortality rate plummets.

Back to my original point: think about this--you take a kid who is a rule-follower and a people-pleaser and a perfectionist and a black-white thinker and say:

Sugar is BAD

Fruit is GOOD

Fat is BAD

Vegetables are GOOD

Soda is BAD

Water is GOOD

Being sedentary is BAD

Being active is GOOD

The fun, creative, kid you love more than life itself takes this information to heart and begins to restrict eating and starts exercising for fitness. And they are GOOD at it--oh, so good; no days skipped, no cheating--it's impressive initially. At some point, the period of malnutrition and/or weight loss flips the switch in their brain and they no longer have control over what and how much they eat--the disease now dictates food consumption and exercise--and your life as you knew it is over and so is your child's.

You can have immediate access to the best treatment in the world as our family did and you are still looking at a minimum of two years before you can quit holding your breath. Anorexia has the highest mortality rate of any mental illness for a reason; anorexia is a bitch of a disease and tenacious beyond your wildest nightmare.

This is my plea to you; mother to mother, teacher to teacher: MODEL balance in your food choices and your activity level and keep your mouth shut; let your actions speak for you as you eat balanced meals and go out for ice cream now and then and take family bike rides or walks. If the obesity epidemic is your issue, I get it. But tackle it among adults, not among kids: advocate at all levels of government for changes to our agricultural policies that affect our food supply, for urban design and public transportation interface that give us walkable cities, for reintroducing movement and nurses into schools--these are ALL important issues and I support your work.

But please, LEAVE the children out of it--it might be your daughter who goes from being the adorable third--grader who delighted both you and her teacher with the outline she drew for reading and writing her first chapter book report in third grade to the 17-year old who missed the last semester of high school because she decided that she could avoid the Freshman 15 in college if she got a head start on adhering to reasonable "healthy eating and exercise" rules.

I encourage a dialogue about this and welcome your questions. There is a lot of common ground on what we are #FedUp with and we all have the same common goal--to safeguard the health and welfare of ALL our children.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Why I Never Say Never . . .

I had an experience recently that I've been mulling over and wasn't sure if I wanted to blog. Then I (finally!) had time to read this post by Mrs. G. not long after I read this article a friend shared on Facebook. 

It seemed a little bit like the universe saying "you write about what happens to you and it happend to you, so what's up?"

To which I responded, "good point."

I'm going to paint in pretty broad strokes here; the gist is that I was recently told that a collective of people--none of whom know me in real life, and whose names I still don't know--were "gravely concerned" with and conversing at length about my "manic" online presence and therefore my mental health.

I've had time to process both the exchange and my reaction to and thoughts about it. I've been able to run the scenario by some people I really admire and trust. 

In the end, I've decided that whatever and whomever the amorphous "concerns" are, they nothing to do with me and I choose to not let it take up real estate in my brain. I'm calling that a win for maturity. I control the way I feel, I don't let somebody else do it. 

The fact that I am a high-energy person who moves fast and covers lots of ground is not a liability to me. Nor is it to most people I live, work, play and advocate with both IRL and in the online circles in which I travel.

What I do have to ponder is why I let this knock me off my rhythm and I must admit it has. Things tend to happen in our lives for a reason, though, and I've had some positives come from this--that's what I choose to focus on. 

I will busier than normal for the next few weeks--I am rewriting curriculum at work, my program is expanding and I get to have someone I really enjoy working with (I dig working with guys--straightforward is their m.o. and that's mine as well. I have no time for veiled communication--too much to get done) on my team for the foreseeable future. Danger Boy and Social Butterfly come home in a week. I have a friend and her family coming to stay to go through the UCSD program. I am really enjoying writing my blog for UCSD and spending more time on Twitter. Been working the #truthinads hashtag pretty hard, as well as #MAEDvocate and #IEDAction. I lurve social media as a tool for activism.

I took a trip to Flagstaff last weekend with my friend Michele and her daughter Iris (10) to visit Social Butterfly and visit a college campus. Our plans went a little cattywampus due to snow--a lot of snow to me! Iris was dazzled by the snowfall and that was pretty amazing. Cards were played and fun was had and a wonderful MartAnn's breakfast was eaten. Of course, we drove a lot (learn from me: if you play Pandora for 15 hours through the desert you will lose virtually all your data for the month. Oy!).

Oh, yeah, this happened.

SB's drawing and the artist's rendition. This is the last of my 50th birthday presents. The flower inside the compass rose is a stephanoitis which means marital happiness. The kids' initials are at the four points. I am very happy with it. Oh, and unlike in insulin syringes, a smaller needle is not less painful. Holy razor blades, Batman!

 

 

 

Oh, The Places You'll Go!

Wonderful, time-consuming things are happening at Casa Juggling. My first post for UCSD is up! I am a hashtagging (#MAEDvocates), tweeting fiend over on the Twitter. Never anticipated having a long and fruitful exchange with these gals, but it happened--and 20K people or so had it on their timelines. If I have to change the perception of eating disorders one conversation at a time, I am willing to give it a shot.

The Barbi Twins

#TruthinAds is what started the conversation and though I don't think airbrushed images "cause" eating disorders, I think they warp ALL of us and make most people dissatisfied with their bodies and THAT is bullshit in my book. I really hope this legislation passes at some point. 

As I tweeted, it's one thing to sell us a fantasy, it's another to convince us it's reality. 

Back to the keyboard! Guest post on social media for F.E.A.S.T on deck!

I believe I will go for sheer nonsense or non-ED rant on my next post--y'all deserve a little of that for sticking with me! 

Happy Weekend, All!

 

Seeking Recruits for the Menopausal Hen Twitter Army

Life: She is naught but crazy at times.

The Yahoo article led to a TV Interview (hoping for more to come, I am doing a radio show for a station in North Carolina on Tuesday). I am certainly making contacts with some phenomenal journalists who care about telling a story ethically and that is nothing but good. I am hoping that #NEDAW next year will give me a chance to EDucate more people and spread awareness.

San Diego, California News Station - KFMB Channel 8 - cbs8.com 

A hilarious offshoot of all of this was that an insult in a comment on the Yahoo page (can't unsee some of it, though it's since been deleted. I am fairly sure that if what you got from that story is that my daughter and I are both "bang-able," you've been in your parent's basement for too long) has led to my Twitter Army having a name . . .

Introducing: THE MENOPAUSAL HENS TWITTER ARMY (Activism-ing on a Twitter feed near you)!

(I am still tweeting from @jugglingjenn, but I had to change my Twitter handle to Menopausal Hen Jenn 'cause that just has too fun a ring to it to pass up. If you're going to turn 50 anyway, why not embrace it fully?!)

Stay tuned for more craziness!

 

Thanks so much to reader and FB friend, Amy, for this. You know how sometimes you REALLY wish someone lived next door because you would get on together like a house on fire? That's how I feel about her!

Also, the Menopausal Hen Twitter Army takes those men brave enough to Warrior with us--and the first man to sign on the dotted line is the same dad I first met on a plane to Dallas (we were both en route to the F.E.A.S.T. Conference) when he recognized me from my FB profile pic and then graciously let me hitch a ride to the hotel in his rental car. Again, life is deliciously full of kismet and craziness sometimes!

In Which I Shamelessly Use My Impending 50th Birthday to Beg for Something

As you may know, I am in countdown mode to my 50th birthday. T-8 days to be precise. I was pretty angsty about the whole thing for about nine months and then I just sort of realized that it was happening regardless (God willing and the creek don't rise) and the internal whinging was not going to make a damn bit of difference so I ought to just move on. And I did. 

But . . .

50 IS a big birthday and it would be a shame to let it pass without some sort of bloggy celebration; after all I've been doing this since I was but a young woman of 42. (Good. Grief.) 

(Insert smooth transition that is just not happening for me writing-wise right now.)

A pretty amazing thing happened today; this piece was published on Yahoo. If you remember, the beginning of all of this was just last week, so it's been quite a whirlwind. The thing I'm most pleased about is all the new recruits to my long-dreamed of Twitter Army of Eating Disorder Awareness Advocates and Activists. People are beginning to believe!

What does this have to do with my birthday?

This journalist, Beth Greenfield, did a fantastic job with the piece; she asked insightful questions and her story reflects what we talked about--that's not always a given. I would love for her editor to see that a story like this--one that raises awareness and highlights advocacy--can generate traffic. 

To that end . . .

For my birthday, I would like all of you--regular commenters, intermittent readers and lurkers alike--to leave a comment on the Yahoo piece. If you would like to put icing on that birthday cake of mine, you could also retweet me--@jugglingjenn--as I am looking to take this story even further; national coverage would be a dream come true.

To get the message out that eating disorders are deadly diseases with a strong neurobiological component and deserve the evidence-based treatment and insurance coverage that is a given for other medical conditions is what I REALLY want for my birthday. 

Will you help a sister out? 

P.S. YES, you do have to have a Yahoo account to comment. It takes less than 30 seconds to sign up. I love you!

 

 

 

Houston, We Have a Problem, Part 3

As a nurse surreptitiously videoed Jenny's room we tiptoed to her doorway, until she caught sight of us . . . Jenny was in utter shock! Enough to hide under the covers, probably thinking we were ghosts!   It would have taken wild horses to hold us back, especially Alyson and Denise, from bee-lining it to Jenny, embracing her, stroking her hair, her face, her hands.  To meet her in person, experiencing the elements of touch, sight, sound and reality, was overwhelming for all of us . . .many tears were shed, and no words will ever be able to convey the magic in the room that night!

Faith, Alyson, Jenny, Denise (aka Jenn)

And to make this visit complete, much to Jenny's dismay, a meal was in order! We went to the cafeteria together. How could we not?   After months of Skyped meal support, It was time for the real deal--macaroni and cheese, french fries and a smoothie. We ate, we laughed, we loved on Jenny!

All too soon, our visit came to an end.  Our goodbyes were quick.  But the afterglow and the impact of that visit lingers till now, and for what will be a lifetime.  A day that forever bonded three PITA Moms and their PITA daughter, that, in a sense, completed a journey from cyberspace to reality.  Nothing can ever take the place of reality . . .a real touch, hug, an eye-to-eye gaze. We hold those moments close to our hearts as we move back into our lives and realities.

Jenny and PITA Mom Denise having a moment/Photo by Faith.

We rejoice that our goal of treatment for Jenny was accomplished, knowing that it took the full efforts of 13 dedicated, fearless and tireless women and all they brought with them, including supportive spouses and families. However, we all agree that this is just the beginning of something way bigger than our original singular goal . . . there really is a method to the PITA madness.  And madness it was at times, but the madness worked and it can work for others suffering from an eating disorder who are unable to access treatment in a conventional manner.  So with Jenny tucked in safely in treatment and PITA moms recovering from caring for her, we are working towards our long-term goals and mission(s).  

One thing we know for certain . . . life will never be the same for any of us again!   We are forever the original PITA Moms!

Like you, we are imperfect, and, like you, we are enough.

 

Sometimes it's personal

I have a very good friend whose daughter died from her anorexia--in her twenties and her heart stopped in her sleep. Very rarely did I ever take offense--on Danger Boy's behalf or my own--over jokes about Tourette's Syndrome. So it's not that I'm a humorless person. The cutesy names that make like eating disorders are a style statement. I. Just. Cannot.

I doubt I will ever get through to the idiots that designed and sell these sunglasses, but maybe Amazon can get them off their site, at least.

 

Mr. Bezos,

 

Amazon is a huge corporation, but I hope that it is a corporation with a conscience. As a teacher, I know that words have power, As the mother of a daughter in recovery from anorexia, I know that this deadly illness is not a style statement. 

 

I would appreciate it if you would send a message to those who wish to do business with Amazon that just as you would not carry "Retard" sunglasses, or "Chemothin" sunglasses, that you will also refuse to carry the Theirry Lasry "anorexxy" sunglasses.

 

I would be over-the-moon with gratitude if you would make a public statement that acknowledges that eating disorders are a brain--based illness with a 20% mortality rate and, as such, using the disease name as a marketing tool is unacceptable.

 

Thank you for your time; I spend considerable money at Amazon and have found the company to be very responsive to customer concerns. 

 

Jennifer Denise Ouellette

 

Water, water everywhere and not a drop to drink . . .

I am posting my words all over the place, just not here. 

It's hard out there for a pimp eating disorder activist. Who knew there was so much misinformation out there that I would have to launch a one-woman crusade to personally read and comment on every article linked to every tweet hashtagged #NEDAW (National Eating Disorder Awareness Week)?

The thing that makes it really hard (and slightly less fun) is that I am told that snark is not the most effective method of opening minds. I am having to use wording like "While your intent is good . . . I am concerned with . . ."  rather than phrases that roll more trippingly off my tongue like "Have you actually read a scientific journal published since 1983, fer f**k's sake?!"

It takes energy and restraint, people!

Even with all the tilting at windmills I do, I now have enough free time to exercise every day, cook an ocassional meal for hubs, watch cool stuff on Netflix (House of Cards. Oh. My.) and get to the movies--I actually saw three in the five days before the Academy Awards and ended up seeing all the best picture nominees. Loved them all, but it would have gone to Wolf of Wall Street if it was my choice.

I am relishing catching up with all the friends that were mostly sidelined from my life during The Road to Rosewood mania.

Last Wednesday night, I started back up with my weekly visit to hang and have dinner with my friend, Michele--a former student--and her totes adorbs kidlets.

I have a bil ol' smile on my face for many reasons, not the least because when we set off on a late afternoon hike, the kids didn't for one minute doubt that I was going to the top--and not on any roundabout way either, but straight up after them.

True story: This was formed by a volcano and is pretty much right in Michele's back yard.

When you are 49 years and 345 days old, that's a big compliment. So much so that I'll post that picture even if it does make thoughts of Botox dance in my head. Not really. Maybe a little. (Actually, I think seeing Kim Novak on Oscar night sealed the deal on sticking with the natural aging process--give or take a few facial peels).

Danger Boy turns 21 on Monday. As Mr. Fix-it says, "What the hell?!" and "No way!"

Dr. Who--okay, I am finally in. After Buzzfeed told me I was the strong female heroine River Song, I had to see what that was all about; apparently I am not just starting a series, but embarking on a lifestyle.

Daylight Savings Time starts tomorrow . . . I am thrilled. I will gladly give you that hour of sleep for the chance to walk around the lake after work and still have time to eat dinner on the patio.

Random . . . every now and again it has its appeal; what random things have you been doing?