Juggling Life

On Health and Family Wellness

I often get pitches to post on my blog. I've made some great relationships through social media so I always give a quick peruse to anything that has my name right. If you call me Jenna and say you've been reading and love my blog, you're a liar. It's actually a decent system.

I get far fewer pitches and I accept even fewer of those in the last couple of years; this post was written because the folks at Oscar, an New York based health insurance company, had actually read my blog, and were interested in my take on Family Wellness as part of Family Wellness Month; they have a focus on using technology in a variety of ways to support the health and wellness of their insured. Wearing my advocacy hat for a moment--I think it's time for the eating disorder community to reset our relationships with insurers--with a mutual goal of saving us lives and them money. Early diagnosis and prompt aggressive appropriate level-of-care with family training and support saves lives and money.

My first message about family wellness and healthy living is to understand that thin doesn't automatically equal healthy and fat doesn't automatically equal unhealthy. Confused? Poodle Science explains it well.

 

Internalizing that message will set you on the path to Family Wellness and increased happiness and contentment. 

My other recommendations for Family Wellness? 

Limit screen time. Do this from day one and do not fall prey to the siren song of a moment's peace. Now, I am not saying don't have TVs or computers or iPads or phones--I'm not a Luddite and I don't want your kids to be either (unless you do, in which case it's unlikely you are reading this blog).

I was lucky to be able to raise my kids in a cul-de-sac in a lovely suburban San Diego community. I had weather on my side. The families around us had the same values regarding childhoods spent in the great outdoors. Plus, I was a stay-at-home-mom. It was clearly a supportive environment in which to stand firm of limited screen time and I recognize my privilege.

And I would still encourage everyone to do their best to do the same on screen time limits.

Two simple rules (one mine, one my neighbor's) made it possible to stay sane(ish) and not have to deal with the dreaded attempted parental wear down (also known as nagging/begging). 

Ours was no screens during the week. We recorded shows all week and Sunday night was early dinner and family TV viewing. We had a couple of GameBoys for car rides and as the kids got older we finally got a game system (when our youngest son was about 10) and marathon game sessions on sports-free Saturdays were definitely a thing. Today our four adult children have thanked us for our rules and vowed to do the same (or stricter!).

My neighbor's rule was no TV at all during the school week and no TV during daylight hours on weekends and in the summer. 

Another neighbor had no screen restrictions, but the kids were outside with ours all the time anyway so that was a natural limitation there.

Play--with bikes, balls, bats and wheeled contraptions of all type (one year Santa got all the kids in the neighborhood Razor Scooters) was never thought of as exercise and yet movement was constant.

It wasn't just the kids that cavorted either--I play a mean tetherball and game of HORSE. Pickup basketball games with kids on dad's shoulders brought everyone out on summer evenings. Games of catch were a way to stay connected through the teen years. 

Nutrition is a hot topic these days and on that my thought is cook at home as much as you can. In the elementary school years I often prepped dinner right after I dropped the kids at school. Don't buy Uncrustables--make your own on Sunday night and put them in the freezer for the dreaded school lunch packing grind. Throw in a cookie or some chips. Probably better not to throw in ten cookies. Hitting fast food occasionally is unlikely to hurt anyone, but seven nights a week not so good. Reserve soda for sit-down restaurants and drink milk or water at home. 

Sleep is important; for you and them!

And know that you can do everything "right" and sometimes things will happen anyway--it did for us when our youngest daughter developed anorexia (she is doing fantastically well today). If and when it does, all the above tips will hopefully have you in a place where you have the energy to do what you need to do and the loving relationships that eating together and playing together build. Make sure you put the "Family" in "Family Wellness" and odds are good for things to work out just fine.

My people! I sure do love them!

 

 

 

 

Social Butterfly. She's 20. I'm Old. Happy Birthday!

                       

Maybe she can recreate this for me at Coogee Beach this spring. Though probably not in a one-piece.

                             she Keeps me on my toes!

                                   Irrepressible, impish and not the least bit impulsive

   thrower of an untold Number of slumber parties over the years

                 What could S be for except her smile?

She doesn't need to be Everything to everyone and that is a very good thing

                                  You just know . . . my girl is going places!

 

 

Taking Stock

What a whirlwind of a month it was--and while it was unusual, there's no doubt that my life is tremendously busy and looks to stay that way for awhile. It confuses me that there's sometimes a sense today of the moral superiority of not being busy--I really do think we all need to honor our wiring. So while busy is making me happy and I am productive, busy I will be. 

Today I am enjoying some quality time with blogs and one can't help but miss the good ol' days. Here I actually met the mysterious and rarely-photographed Suburban Correspondent three weeks or so ago and I didn't even blog it.

SC is fantastic and we could have hung out and chatted for many more hours than we did. It was a highlight in a trip full of highlights. No blog friends at conferences in Coronado and San Antonio, but met and hung out with amazing and brilliant people. Thelma and I spent more waking (and unwaking and bathroom-sharing) moments together than most people can do with their own spouses before the nerves start to fray. And the nerves didn't fray. I think that's pretty special.

If a few days sharing a bed in a hotel counts for five regular friendship years, we're going on over 20 years of friendship. It feels like it.

My first non-running-full-speed weekend since 9/20-21 is in its last few hours. More's the pity. But I am caught up at work, have a massage scheduled for Tuesday and think I've replaced the sleep deficit (which I know is not possible but, in any event, I hope to commence being able to stay up past 8:30 p.m. tomorrow night).

Social Butterfly got into University of New South Wales for spring semester--so early March! So exciting! Also reassuring that I have some great connections for oversight on her medical condition--makes it much easier to be joyful. 

Maybe we should all agree to write one post a month . . . NaBloPo something . . . I am guilty of neglecting this blog and yet it's too hard to say goodbye to all my true friends--and to the writing and storytelling and the pictures and the authentic and often vulnerable voices. 

Thoughts?

 

Nostalgia

Mr. Fix-it has a way of managing me into getting certain things done and this weekend it was winnowing Danger Boy's childhood memorabilia down to a reasonable (Danger Boy wanted nothing if it meant he had to doi, but will be glad I kept what I did). 

DB may come home, at least for a bit, after college--he is not intent on living in Erie, PA, lol--and it seems time for a room update. That starts with painting which starts with stripping the room which leads to winnowing. And we all know where winnowing leads . . . nostalgia.

DB was a great sport with me texting him photos of various things that tugged at my heart. I picked four trophies to save (the plaques don't take up a lot of room) and relived some of the games and seasons they represented. When we talked about changing the paint color, I got this (my heart melted into a puddle and hasn't fully re-solidified yet) text: "I like the green! Like you sending me karate pics, it's nostalgic. Nothing wrong with remembering a great childhood!" We are going with cream walls--a little cheaper and easier to decorate from Ross and Marshalls.

 

 

Baseball All-Stars, Baseball World Series Winners, One Year of First-Place Soccer and First Year of Water Polo

 

 

This is the face and intensity of a boy that always played with heart and for his team. Always.

Guess who gets to see her son play at a tournament in Cali the last weekend in October? Cannot. Wait.

 

 I am very proud of the fine young man my Danger Boy has become; as I told him when we were texting Saturday, "You were a fun kid to raise. Not easy. But definitely fun."

THIS, though was never anything but all sorts of fun! 

Celebrating Daniel's 21st at our local brewery/pub. You know you're part of something special when you're still celegbrating milestones together four years later--as we did just before DB headed back to school.

I Read All Your Blogs This Weekend!

This past weekend was about sleep, and then a little more sleep and then another good night's sleep. 14 on Friday night and then 10 hours x 2 nights. So. Needed.

Let's recap. Three weeks ago I was up past midnight four nights in a row. A week later I was up until 3 a.m. Sunday night for the Paul McCartney concert at Dodger Stadium. Last Thursday, Mr. Fix-it and I had a 21-hour day--the weather! the traffic!--taking Social Butterfly to college. Friday I limped through my day, rallied for grudauation and skipped the traditional post-grad wine bar visit with my coworkers.

There is just nothing like finally getting the sleep you needed.

Spent the weekend getting my house clean, my laundry done, my workouts in, seeing a movie (The Hundred Foot Journey--two thumbs up), takeout Indian (see movie), having dinner at Grownup Girl's and settling back into our empty nest (my nephew is nominally living with us, but not sleeping here every night--and he has a job!). 

And reading your blogs . . . I did that too. It was quite enjoyable.

None of us are posting as much as we used to and getting people to actually comment on blogs is a whole 'nother thing. Let me just say it, though. Blogging is still wonderful and please don't you all quit.

I think I will stick around too.

 

In Which It's Been a Long, Long Time . . .

The last time I've written about me is April 30. That is a darn long time ago and a lot has happened since then. Facebook is so ubiquitous in my life, I assume everyone knows everything, but realistically no full stories are told on FB--it's pretty much just the highlight reel, right?

So many of you have been with me for so long--7 years--you've seen my life transform in some drastic ways. One of those major transitions has been career-wise. For the past 18 months, I taught pharmacy technicians and running the externship program (a vocational internship) for a  campus of a well-known chain of vocational schools (I started as a adjunct three years ago). My department was overseen by the Allied Health Program Director (the umbrella for the pharmacy tech, medical assistant and medical billing & coding programs). Since the M.A. portion is far and away the largest program, and has a separate accreditation which requires someone with an M.A. credentials, the program director (PD) has always come from that background. 

My former boss was a reluctant and interim administrator and, in the interests of making the position easier to fill and do, I was asked a couple of months ago to take over the role of PD for Pharm Tech and MBC, and the MA program would stand alone. I said yes and I really enjoyed the job for three weeks--which is the length of time I had it before they powers-that-be came back to me and shared an idea for bringing everything back under the Allied Health umbrella, having me run it, and having my former boss be my assistant. 

I didn't respond immediately as the position meant leaving the classroom, but after thinking hard and negotiating salary (women: men don't take the opening offer and neither should you), I knew yes was the right answer. I'm not even going to humblebrag this one: I got promoted twice in one month 'cause I rock my job. Women need to start owning their awesome like men do and I've decided to lead by example.

I LOVE everything about my new job. 

I get to counsel students and since I've always had a soft spot for the underdog, getting to meet and hopefully  help lots of underdogs is amazing. Some I will be able to save and some I won't, but what a cool thing to spend your time trying to do! 

I get to lead a team of 12 and so far everyone seems happy with how they are being led. 

I get to bring my ideas and the ideas of others to fruition.

I get to put my master's degree in Instructional Leadership to great use by learning the language of data analysis and doing things like evaluating year-over-year trends and then drilling down for answers as to why.

I get to develop talent. 

I took this position two weeks before an internal audit and I worked six days a week, 12 hours a day to dig out from a considerable mess, but I did it and was part of a very impressive result campus-wide. I got to establish myself as a person that expects results, not excuses, and that was helpful.

Several people have remarked that my eyes sparkle when I talk about this new position and that can never be a bad thing. 

What else? Let's do this up-to-date thing:

• Helping plan, as part of the social media committee, #MarchAgainstED
• Still working on the Jenny situation--frantically, on occassion. She was just in the hospital for a week getting an endocronological workup. Next step getting sorted still.
• I am writing a lot about eating disorders (links at bottom of the post)
• Danger Boy and Social Butterfly are just about ready to go back to school. Time flies. DB will be a senior and SB hopes to study at University of New South Wales in the spring.
• My nephew, Travis, is living with us. This falls under the never say never category. He's gotten older and wiser (he is 8 days younger than DB) and is ready for some Jenn-style tough love to set him on his way. It's a good thing and I'm really happy we are in this place.
• Grownup Girl and Grownup Guy took a memorable Alaskan cruise and are now ready to focus on starting a family. Can't. Wait!
• So looking forward to a trip this coming weekend to see MVP and Mandy and her parents and attend this concert at Red Rocks Ampitheatre in Colorado. The concert was a birthday gift and we're going on our 27th wedding anniversary weekend. How cool is that?

 

 

Ten Things Parents Wish Educators Knew About Eating Disorders (This has been very well received and has been shared internationally and incorporated into at least one schools teacher training curriculum. I'm over the moon about it).

A five-part series for the Dr. Greene site (I am glad I saw his TED talk--cool info I'm sharing with my kiddos about waiting to cut the umbilical cord. Also, DB is impressed with me for being affiliated with someone who did a TED talk).

This post, a rebuttal to a New York Times piece is one I am proud of as I got positive feedback from two writers whose opinions I respect based on their own amazing talents as writers--Mary Petrie and Jocelyn Philaja. 

 

 

 

 

 

The Dark Side of "Teaching" a Healthy Lifestyle

Let me preface this by saying I am a mom who made all my own baby food, made sure our milk and chicken were antibiotic-free and didn't allow TV on weekdays, the better to be outside running around after school. Added to that, as a parent volunteer and a teacher, I've seen far too many lunches that consist of two bags of chips and a soda. Don't get me started on the loss of daily P.E. and adequate recess in our schools.

I am VEHEMENTLY opposed to any type of specific nutritional education and BMI/Fitness testing in our schools.

Whaaaaat? You ask. Whyyyyyy? You ask. Let me tell you, I reply.

Because in addition to the above, I am also the mother of a daughter in recovery from anorexia. Because I know things I never knew before about eating disorders and genetic predispositions and at-risk personality traits. Because nutritional education is likely triggering eating disorders in younger and younger children. Because the obesity epidemic--a complicated intersection of agricultural policy, urban design, and social and educational policies, and a dieting culture is not going to be solved by teaching kids that sugar or fat are bad. Not for that child and not for all children.

Because all this talk about good and bad foods, healthy and unhealthy behaviors, and the attendant fat-shaming as you share cautionary tales of unhealthy lifestyles, harms and kills kids. And while obesity might kill your child someday, anorexia is happy to do it today.

For children who are people-pleasers, who are perfectionistic, who are black-and-white thinkers, that nutrition unit is a finger firing a trigger on the loaded gun of genetic predisposition.

Talk to the parents of an anorexic (there are other eating disorders of course, but this is where my expertise and experience lie) and the stories sound so similar it would be comical if it was at all laughable. 

It goes like this: their child decided to follow some rules about food and exercise-rules their teachers and parents taught him/her. (This is where that personality profile comes in--children who go on to develop anorexia are generally really good students and overall terrific kids--smart and creative are common adjectives. They want to make you happy and they want to do things right.) At first, you usually congratulate yourself on parenting that mythical unicorn of a kid--the one that loves an apple better than a cookie, the one that would rather take a walk than watch TV. High-fives all around.

If you're the parent of a little, you probably pick up some issues right away. If you're the parent of an older kid, it may take awhile. One day, you realize you are scared out of your motherfucking mind because you CAN'T get your kid to eat. CANNOT DO IT. If you're lucky, as I was, you have a great pediatrician, a phenomenal program nearby, and insurance that does what insurance is supposed to do. If you're not lucky, you struggle to find help as your child gets sicker and you deal with clueless clinicians and then when you do find help, you have to mortgage your house to pay for it. If you're lucky like me, your daughter is alive, in recovery, and goes to college. If you're not lucky, your son is dead; many sufferers die of medical complications and suicide while waiting to access treatment. When treatment is available quickly, the 20% mortality rate plummets.

Back to my original point: think about this--you take a kid who is a rule-follower and a people-pleaser and a perfectionist and a black-white thinker and say:

Sugar is BAD

Fruit is GOOD

Fat is BAD

Vegetables are GOOD

Soda is BAD

Water is GOOD

Being sedentary is BAD

Being active is GOOD

The fun, creative, kid you love more than life itself takes this information to heart and begins to restrict eating and starts exercising for fitness. And they are GOOD at it--oh, so good; no days skipped, no cheating--it's impressive initially. At some point, the period of malnutrition and/or weight loss flips the switch in their brain and they no longer have control over what and how much they eat--the disease now dictates food consumption and exercise--and your life as you knew it is over and so is your child's.

You can have immediate access to the best treatment in the world as our family did and you are still looking at a minimum of two years before you can quit holding your breath. Anorexia has the highest mortality rate of any mental illness for a reason; anorexia is a bitch of a disease and tenacious beyond your wildest nightmare.

This is my plea to you; mother to mother, teacher to teacher: MODEL balance in your food choices and your activity level and keep your mouth shut; let your actions speak for you as you eat balanced meals and go out for ice cream now and then and take family bike rides or walks. If the obesity epidemic is your issue, I get it. But tackle it among adults, not among kids: advocate at all levels of government for changes to our agricultural policies that affect our food supply, for urban design and public transportation interface that give us walkable cities, for reintroducing movement and nurses into schools--these are ALL important issues and I support your work.

But please, LEAVE the children out of it--it might be your daughter who goes from being the adorable third--grader who delighted both you and her teacher with the outline she drew for reading and writing her first chapter book report in third grade to the 17-year old who missed the last semester of high school because she decided that she could avoid the Freshman 15 in college if she got a head start on adhering to reasonable "healthy eating and exercise" rules.

I encourage a dialogue about this and welcome your questions. There is a lot of common ground on what we are #FedUp with and we all have the same common goal--to safeguard the health and welfare of ALL our children.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In Which 50 is Fabulous Beyond Belief

I really, really was content with a quiet birthday celebration for my fiftieth. Lots of time with friends the day before my birthday, texts and phone calls from my kids, and a delicious dinner in a stunning setting with Mr. Fix-it had me feeling very blessed.

Nothing to complain about here. It was going to be a selfie, but a dog-walking teen kindly offered to take the picture; kids today!

I would have stayed at the beach a little longer, but Mr. Fix-it was chilly (in retrospect, possibly a smidge suspicious). 

It turns out that Grownup Girl--with help from The Pinup Girl who is a party thrower extraordinaire--and Social Butterfly were behind all of this (with a generous budget from Mr. Fix-it) and they rocked it completely. MVP and Mandy flew in from Chicago Thursday night, SB and her friends got up early Friday to drive home and they all chipped in on party prep and the transformation of the house once we were out to dinner. Danger Boy couldn't make it--the East Coast makes a turnaround trip like this a bit of a nightmare; he made up for it by texting me photos of himself and his date at a dance--so I did get to see both my handsome sons looking spiffy. 

  

This video shows my shock and joy when I hit the light and saw 40 or so friends leap up from behind the bar, yelling "SURPRISE!" I believe the phrase "Oh, my god!" was on loop for about five minutes. I don't need a photo to remember in striking detail their faces looking at my face and them looking thrilled at my happiness. Seeing MVP and Mandy and Social Butterfly and her roommates and SB's good friend Nicole from UCSB was like icing upon icing on my birthday cake. 

I am a Girl Scout at heart:

Make new friends and keep the old, one is silver and the other's gold. A circle is round, it has no end, that's how long I want to be your friend.

(That photo on the bottom right? We are having "orgasms'--you hollow out a chocolate covered strawberry, fill it with amaretto and add whipped cream. You'll understand why we had multiples!)

The Pinup Girl and her fiance bought a program that they will use at their wedding and set up a photo booth on a laptop; what you can do with creativity, PVC pipe, spray paint and fabric is stunning. The invitation will give you an idea of what went into this party. They had a dress and jewelry for me! The Mod, Mod world theme was incredibly fun. 

Mandy took setup photos. Is this not fab? In the kitchen are Grownup Guys parents, in from Chicago.

 

I always love my house, but I really love it full of people. To be able to have a houseful of guests with beds and bathrooms enough to go around makes me very happy.

It wouldn't be a mod, mod world without a mod, mod bar--featuring all your favorite Mad Men drinks! This is Pinup Girl's fiance and he mixes a strong and tasty drink!

Some things seem like a good idea at the time--I blame this on the fact that a dare was involved. Maybe I am just a college kid at heart :)

The Pinup Girl, Grownup Girl and Julie:

Partners-in-crime for so many years and now they are reunited in San Diego and busy launching their lives. It's so much fun to watch!

I definitely partied like a rock star and went strong until about 1 a.m. The next day was brunch with Grownup Girl and Guy and his parents, an extended time doing nothing but watch from the couch as The Pinup Girl and her man and Mr. Fix-it put the house back together and then a burst of energy in which I got some of the laundry done and cleaned my bedroom and bathroom. All the young people spent the day at the beach-a wise choice since it was stunning weather--and then MVP made a pasta feast for us all and we ate and talked and laughed and ate leftover cake (it is deadly delicious). 

Sunday was largely spent saying goodbyes, writing thank you cards and doing the happiest laundry ever--the sheets and towels generated by houseguests.

My house is full of flowers and memories.

I really don't have the words to express what an amazing gift this was, but I think this text from a friend--the one that shot the video-- says it well.

I FELT adored and I also feel so proud that I had a part in forming these incredible adults who are my children. I am honored and blessed to have amazing, warm, fun, interesting friends who were made happy by making me happy. And this guy . . .

I am sure glad I trusted my 16-year old self to know what she was doing when she told me--upon first meeting him (at the mall, natch)--that he would be the man I married. It's working out. What a life--I am loving every minute of it. My birthday wish is this kind of joy and contentment for everyone.

 

Finally Fifty

This is 50. Well, actually 49, but I think I will look much the same tomorrow. I don't believe in editing age out of photos, but maybe one day I will change my mind. I hope not.

Damn, I have been talking about this for a long time. Definitely had a lowkey midlife crisis for a few months--but it's ridiculous to continue to squander valuable and limited brain real estate on something you can't change. So better to just work on things you can change. That's what I will continue to do.

I have always admired Sandra Day O'Connor for having an outstanding career after raising her family; I hope I continue to have the kind of energy that takes. Being an activist suits me and I am going to work my hardest to "re-brand" eating disorders as serious illnesses that deserve society's support. The funding inequalities are astonishing; I think greater public EDucation will help change this. We're not getting our piece of the pie. That needs to change.

My juggle now is to find my voice. I can't be quite as unfiltered as is my style, but part of what makes me effective is to say things others might not. I really appreciate all the support I am getting and am hoping to partner with some cool new people on the Twitter front. Stay tuned.

I highly recommend a day filled with all your favorites the day before a big birthday. Had a relaxing and wonderful sleepover with my good friend, Michele; I made a nice pasta, salad and bread for dinner last night and she and Mr. Fix-it and I watched American Hustle. I stayed up until 11 p..m. on a school night! This morning we had mimosas while watching Blue Jasmine (LOVED IT), then massages at a day spa to which I will definitely return--pampering without snootiness. Skype call with my PITAs and then book group with my water polo moms. Coworker lunch date and lans for a nice dinner out with Mr. Fix-it tomorrow night.

It's a good life; I enjoy living it. I hope I get to do it for a lotta more years.

P.S. If you know anyone that wants to put me on the TV or radio, I really enjoy doing it; I feel like I am connecting with people and getting the message out. I can't embed the tape of my radio interview, but here's the link. Boy, I am meeting really nice, ethical people--it's restoring my faith in humanity. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was 21 years ago today . . .

Danger Boy already opened his Amazon-shipped gifts of a good beard trimmer and a Magic Bullet, so I'm not giving anything away by sharing. When he called to say thanks, he said "Remember how you were always cooking brown rice and broccoli and stuff like that and I hated it?" (Why, yes, I do happen to remember--I used to joke that his preferred meal was a funnel and a bag of sugar.) "That's the kind of food I cook now" (this is his first year with a kitchen). If that's not a sign of adulthood, I don't what what is.

Happy 21st Birthday, Danger Boy . . . life with you has never been dull! Love you much, my Achy Breaky Jakey!

Here's the post I wrote for his 15 birthday--this blog has been a wonderful way to memorialize our lives.

Danger Boy--going straight to the top without bothering with the trail since 1993.