Juggling Life

my thinning years: starving the gay within: A Book Review (and Giveaway)

It's been quite some time since I've written a book review, but Lisa (who clearly knows me) at TLC Book Tours, reached out to me with a recovery memoir by Jon Derek Croteau, a gay man from an abusive home who suffered with and recovered from anorexia, bulimia and exercise bulimia (obsessive running in his case) titled "my thinning years: starving the gay within."

I love memoir as a genre; we all live and filter our own lives and our stories are ours to do with what we will. I forgave James Frey a lot with A Million Little Pieces because I thought it was innovative and well-done (unlike Oprah I always thought the plane trip anecdote was hyperbolized beyond recognition). The Glass Castle is one of my favorite books.

I enjoyed this well-written contribution to the canon. But.

Eating disorder recovery memoirs are fraught for me. As stated above, your story is your story. That said, I know a lot about eating disorders, therapeutic filters, recent research, genetic components, etc. So the truth of a eating disorder recovery memoirist may (and so far consistently does) collide with my own truth. 

I was intrigued with Jon's story and path as outlined on the back cover, "As a child, Jon tried desperately to be his father’s version of the all-American boy, denying his gayness in a futile attempt to earn the love and respect of an abusive man. With this he built a deep, internalized homophobia that made him want to disappear rather than live with the truth about himself. That denial played out in the forms of anorexia, bulimia, and obsessive running, which consumed him as an adolescent and young adult.

It wasn’t until a grueling yet transformative Outward Bound experience that Jon began to face his sexual identity. This exploration continued as he entered college and started the serious work of sorting through years of repressed anger to separate from his father’s control and condemnation.

My Thinning Years is an inspiring story of courage, creativity, and the will to live--and of recreating the definition of family to include friends, relatives, and teachers who support you in realizing your true self."

Now for the "but."

I think Jon's father was a very cruel man and and was enormously insecure. I'm sure his memoir would reveal he was haunted by many demons. He was a really bad parent. Jon's mother didn't protect him as one would hope she night have. BUT I don't think they caused his eating disorders. I don't think repressing his homosexuality caused his eating disorder. I sure don't think any of it HELPED him recover, but that's a different story. 

If I ever get another tattoo, it would likely read "Correlation isn't causation." Putting recent scientific research on genetics and functional MRIs aside, it seems relatively simple to see that if terrible parenting (or sexual abuse or bullying or thin-focused media, or fat-shaming, etc.) alone caused eating disorders there would be many more instances of eating disorders than there are. If good parenting could prevent eating disorders, the my life, my daughter's life and the lives of countless friends would be drastically different than they are.

That I don't think any of the above are causes for eating disorders doesn't in any way mean I don't acknowledge their presence exacerbates the difficulty of recovery. I applaud anyone who recovers for an eating disorder. I am grateful for those men who are raising their voices in the cause of ensuring that society knows men can get eating disorders. These men often explore issues of the ways society is cruel to boys and men and they shine a light on the danger of the repression of emotion and self-knowledge society demands of men. 

As a footnote to this, I am Facebook friends with Brian Cuban, who has also written a brave memoir, Shattered Image. I admire and support his work as a speaker and activist and I have been gratified that he now incorporates information on genetics and biology in his articles and interviews. This is a favorite piece where he addresses all of this and worth a read.

Final thoughts: my thinning years: starving the gay within is a compelling memoir and it is wonderful to see the evolution of a life of pain transformed into a life of honesty and purpose. If you'd like to read for yourself, I will mail one lucky commenter my (only slightly) water-damaged copy. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Saying The Right Thing (Plus, Whole Latte Life Winner)

Starting with the winner--by random number generator--#9 . . .

My best friend is my wife :) 20 plus years together, so much new stuff still to share!

Posted by: gary rith | April 12, 2012 at 08:04 AM

Yay for Gary--he's a loyal reader and a wonderful support, so it's time his number came up. Send me your snail mail, Gary and I will put the book in the mail.

On a much less fun front, there is some high school drama going down right now that can only be described as seriously f'ed up in the way that only high school drama can be. It is my hope that some of those involved will come to their senses and realize that being cruel is not only wrong, but will come back to you in the form of karma.

I'm not going to share the sordid details, but I do want to share the most awesome advice that Grownup Girl gave her little sister. I couldn't have said it better myself.

 

Whole Latte Life: A Book Review and Giveaway Post

In the interests of full disclosure, this is not really a review post because I haven't finished the book.

Insert paragraph where I moan about how unbelievably busy I am with the new full-time job, part-time husband and my new status as meal-preparer for someone who hates food. But I'm doing it all! And it's really not bad except that I didn't finish this book that I've had for at least three months now.

What I can say about this book is that the first few chapters are really good and I totally plan on finishing it.

This is the paragraph where I copy the book's synopsis straight off the back cover (see paragraph 2). Sara Beth Riley never dreamt she'd walk straight out of her life.  Actually she'd never dreamt a lot of things that had happened this year ... From being kidnapped by her own best friend, to throwing her wedding rings into the Hudson River, to calling an old love in France, to getting inked with said best friend, painting the passionate constellation of these choices into permanence.  But mostly, she could never have dreamt what started it all.  How could it be that her mother's unexpected death, and the grief which lingered painfully long, turned her into the woman she was finally meant to become?

Sara Beth's escape begins a summer of change - of herself, of marriage, of the lives of those around her.  In a story that moves from Manhattan to the sea to a quaint New England town, Whole Latte Life looks at friends we never forget, at decisions we linger with, at our attempts to live the lives we love.

The beginning--which I have read--paints a very real portrait of two best friends on a birthday weekend getaway. Rachel and Sara Beth have a history and a friendship that any woman of a certain age with long-time best friend will relate to. Told from Rachel's perspective, you believe this friendship and believing the relationships in a book is a key component of my enjoying it.

A personal connection to the material is also important to me and I happened to have dinner with OMomK last Saturday night after beginning the book. Longtime readers of this blog know the outlines of the situation we went through were we didn't speak for 18 months after 10 years of an incredibly close friendship. We have spent the last six months easing our way into a new relationship.

Thoroughly licquoured up, and in the midst of the sort of giggles that you only get with your best girlfriend, I said to her, "OMomK, this is why I just can't quit you."

A rich, deep story about a friendship between two women is always a good read. If you'd like to win a copy of this book, leave me a comment telling me who your best friend is and I'll pick a winner by random drawing next weekend.

 

Thanks to the author and publisher for giving me this book to review for free and the opportunity to giveaway one copy of the book in either paperback or Kindle eReader format.

 

It's Winter in San Diego . . . and last week's book giveaway winner

A couple of years ago I bought a very large pot at Costco--expensive, but a GREAT deal (that's the story of Costco). Then I brought a camellia bush to put in it (expensive, but a GREAT deal--Costco, again). This is one purchase I will never regret.

No matter how dreary the January day (and we do occasionally  have dreary days, though today is not one), these flowers blooming on my front porch lift my spirits.

The comments on last week's post about the book Between Interruptions were so very interesting. My informal survey of the responses reinforces what I have observed among my peers--those of us that had our children when we were on the youngish side had, in some ways, an easier adjustment to motherhood--likely because we weren't giving as much up as women that are older and therefore more established in their careers and lifestyles. I'm not saying one way is better than the other, this is just my unscientific observation based on anecdotal evidence!

Anyway . . .

The winner is #8:

I have a 3 month old, my first child. I have no perspective at all on this issue. I know she's precious, but that's about it. I wonder how will I will reconcile my life once this short stasis of maternity leave is over.

Posted by: bkd | January 16, 2012 at 01:29 PM

She sounds like the perfect person to read this book! Send me your snail mail, bkd, and I will pass it on to TLC so they can get your book in the mail.

Between Interruptions: A Book Review and Giveaway Post

I was excited to get the opportunity to review this book of essays reflecting upon motherhood, Between Interruptions. The description from the website sum the collection up well.

Most mothers don't have time for long conversations. They may want them, crave them, begin them again and again, but they are constantly interrupted by kids, partners, work and the day-to-day of busy lives. Between Interruptions is a remarkable collection of original essays by Canadian writers that explores what is unspoken, cut off or lost in those interrupted conversations. Between Interruptions asks what becomes of us when our children's lives interrupt our own. What prayers, what cries, what taboo thoughts are suddenly left unspoken? Marina Jimenez struggles with her decision to return to her job as a journalist—in a war zone. Carrie-Anne Moss lets us into her home during her self-imposed, forty-day seclusion after the birth of her first son. Chantal Kreviazuk learns to surrender to the limitations of motherhood. Joanna Streetly struggles to find a balance between protecting and letting go. Elizabeth Renzetti and Karrina Onstad search for friends in mommyland. And Estee Klar-Wolfond finds perfection in autism. Provocative, funny and honest, Between Interruptions highlights the differences and similarities between mothers today and generations past. It is, without a doubt, a conversation worth having.

The essays in this book are very well-written and the lives the authors lead are, by and large, very interesting.

It was actually the very interesting lives of the women in the story that had me feeling a bit disconnected from the book at first. I was hoping to feel the connection with the writers that I often feel with other mothers whose blogs I read. These mothers, by and large, though are of a very different breed than I am and once I started reading the book with a more anthropological eye, I found it fascinating.

What made the essays so absorbing was the variety of ways that these women came to motherhood and the ways they reconciled, or absorbed, motherhood into their lives.

Lisa, at TLC Book Tours, who gave me the book for review has also generously allowed me to give away a copy of this book--I'll choose a winner randomly from the comments on this post; so tell me, for those of you that have children, did you find the adjustment from non-mother to mother easy or difficult?

Whipped Winner and Beautiful Beagle

 The first order of business is the winner of the book giveaway for my friend Melissa Westemeier's book Whipped, Not Beaten. Tada!

Randomly chosen winner #10: The last party of this type I was invited to was some women's adult stuff affair, which I couldn't handle the thought of and so didn't go. I did go to a Tupperware party many years back. Does that count?

Honestly, I just really want to read the book. :)

Posted by: Rubye Jack | January 05, 2012 at 12:15 PM

Congrats, Rubye! Send me your snail mail info!

 

Now on to the beautiful beagle . . .

Since Beaux is an only dog now, she gets a lot more attention. Luckily, she seems to enjoy it. I snapped the photo above when I took her to a monthly "beagle brigade" at a local dog park. Social Butterfly thought it looked like she was working the runway; she is a pretty dog!

SB has been taking lots of photos of Beaux as well and has requested an adorable dog mosaic post. So please, bear with me!

There were 81 beagles in the dog park!

 

My Brush with Literary Greatness . . . A Book Review and Giveaway Post

The best thing about blogging is the relationships that are formed; it is always special when you are able to continue those relationships "in real life." In my experience meeting bloggers I have, almost universally, felt an instant friendship connection predicated on the fact that most people are quite honest on their blogs.

Last February I got to meet Melissa Westemeier aka Green Girl in Wisconsin.

She's as great as you would think she is from reading her blog.

She's also a published author.

I know. She's living the blogger's dream--the dream that takes a ton of hard work to fulfill.

When she shared that her book had been published and how to pre-order it, I jumped right on it. The book was delivered on December 21 and I had an important decision to make--dive right in or wait until I could read it straight through? I waited.

 My opportunity for uninterrupted reading time came a couple of days after Christmas--I combined it with a bath and some home-baked treats.

 
The cover definitely screams "eat home-baked treats while reading," does it not?

You know what would be really dreadful?

If your blogger/friend wrote a book and had to tell her, "Umm, it was . . . uh, interesting."

Thankfully, will not have to use inventive language to avoid saying what I thought of the book--'cause I loved it!

The novel is as light and frothy, yet filling, as a cream whipped to airy perfection resting atop a thick slice of the best homemade pumpkin pie.

The heroine, Sadie, is believable, lovable in her foibles and you just KNOW you'd be friends with her. The cultural references and touchstones are spot-on--especially if, like Melissa and me, you're a public radio afficionado. If you've ever been to a home-sales party (or, even better, if you've ever sold Pampered Chef)--and who among us has not?--Coddled Cuisine will be familiar to you before the first invitation is sent.

The story is chock-full of love, office politics, friendships, drinking and wardrobe choices. In short, everything great Chick LIt should be.

When the next story in this series comes out (or, better yet, when the fifth one comes out) remember that I told you so. Melissa's got a hit on her hands.

 And I want to put a copy in YOUR hands!

Share a home-party purchase regret (or maybe it was an amazing deal that you use every day)in the comments and I will pick a winner (randomly) to receive a copy.

If you don't win a copy, you should still buy one. Click here!

 

 

 

 

Camp Nine: A Book Review and Giveaway Post

When I tore open the envelope this book came in (I'm always excited when a book arrives in the mail), I was impressed with the stunning cover. I had asked to do this review because the subject of this novel, Japanese Internment Camps during World War II, has always fascinated me. (One of my favorite picture books ever is Baseball Saved Us.)

Camp Nine by Vivienne Schiffer does its cover justice. The author describes the small-town Arkansas setting with an authenticity derived from her upbringing in those environs. The fact that there was a camp in Arkansas was a total surprise to me as I'd thought/assumed all camps were in the West; in fact most camps were in western states, save the one on which this story is based. I love to learn something completely new as the byproduct of a good read.

The building of the camp and the arrival of the Japanese are seen through the eye's of narrator Chess Morton, a girl who is something of an outsider in her own hometown. There are complicated family relationships to navigate as well as her relationship to the camp and to those within the camp who become her friends.

Social mores and conventions are examined and questioned by Chess and she and the reader both gain insight into the conventions and mores of the reluctant inhabitants of Camp Nine.

This summer there was a great controversy over the novel and movie The Help, with many contending that it is time for white audiences to begin reading and seeing stories from the civil rights movement that are not filtered through the lens of a white narrator.  That controversy was in my mind as I read this book because this story of Japanese Internment is told through the lens of the white narrator and by a white author.

The conclusion I've come to (though I have great respect for those who will disagree with me) is that there is always a place for a well-told story that resonates and educates. In the case of Camp Nine the author has used her experiences and the stories she was told, as a child, of the camp to craft a work that fulfills that dual promise of both resonance and education.

If you'd like to enter to win my copy of the book, leave me a comment telling me what historical or social movement you're always eager to read more about. I'll pick a winner at random next week and then drag my heels on putting in the mail to you!

 

Thank you to TLC book tours for the free copy of the book and the opportunity to do this review/giveaway.

 

 

The BlogHer Post!

So . . . since BlogHer 2011 is in San Diego it would be foolish of me not to attend. I am going with few expectations beyond meeting people in person that I know through the blogosphere. I am not going to learn how to "monetize" my blog. I would love to be paid for my writing at some point, but not for this blog; I love the community and the freedom to write whatever and whenever I want. Plus, I'm a terrible salesperson.

In addition, I can barely remember to pick winners for the giveaways I host. Which reminds me . . . the winner of the E-Mealz.com giveaway is . . .

#1 (randomly chosen):

Looks interesting. I'm not sure it would work for me long term, but I'd be interested in trying it to see. Especially since it includes Aldi, my basic grocery.

Posted by: Katherine | July 05, 2011 at 08:50 AM

Back to BlogHer: My plans are somewhat loose--I haven't even looked at the schedule--but I do have the important things penciled in.

• Lunch on Thursday with my dear friend, JCK from Motherscribe. This will make our third "in real life" meeting. As an added bonus, I'm rooming with her Saturday night in her hotel room. I can't wait.
• Dinner on Thursday night with one of the smartest bloggers I know (and her equally smart daughter; her husband is coming too, but I have no idea how smart he is!), Magpie Musing.
• Friday night Suzy Soro from Hollywood: Where Hot Comes to Die is going to spend the night here (she will sleep in the very same bed BOSSY slept in). Suzy and I are two people that pretty much have nothing, lifestyle-wise, in common, and yet we get on terrifically. I'm pretty sure that hanging out with Suzy is going to mean I get to meet Tanis from Attack of the Redneck Mommy. And that? Might cause me to swoon.
  
• Saturday--my in real-life friend Deb of San Diego Momma (who I happened to meet through blogging) has arranged a luncheon which will include several spectacular people including the inimitable VodkaMom. I know, be still my heart.

Those are the plans--the rest remains to be seen, but I assure you I will keep you posted and report back. If any of you are planning to be there, please let me know so we can be sure to meet.

BlogHer is next weekend--this weekend is the Water Polo Junior Olympics; Mr. Fix-it, Social Butterfly, Peanut and I are heading to Irvine to cheer on Danger Boy and his 18U team. We'll be gone through Tuesday, so posting may be light, nonexistent OR I may have great photos and be dying to share them with you. Who knows?!

 

 

What Do Mothers Love? Books!

First off: The winners of last week’s Klutz Guide to the Galaxy Giveaway.

Here are the random numbers:

7	6	17	

Timestamp: 2011-05-05 01:31:43 UTC

That would be, Slow Panic, Kristen and Kcinnova. Plus, I’m going to give my copy to Jocelyn’s kids as a welcome home to the U.S. present when they return from Turkey. Send me your snail mail, ladies and I’ll pass them on to Klutz!

Secondly: Some really old business. (Hangs head in shame) I never picked a winner for Reality is Broken. I have rectified that situation and the winner is #12, Magpie. Again, send me the snail mail address.

Now . . . A Mother’s Day Two-Fer review and giveaway.

First up is . . .

MOM: A CELEBRATION OF MOTHERS FROM STORYCORPS. Now you must understand that I am devoted to StoryCorps with the intensity a mother has for her newborn (to keep the analogies to motherhood). If you don’t listen, start. If you haven’t read one of their books, get or give this one.

These are simply stories told by real people to people they love—in this case it is mothers, spouses and children talking to and about their mothers. It is heartwarming, poignant and a joy to read.

Then we have . . .

Times x Two by Kristen Henderson and Sarah Kate Ellis. The book leaf synopsis describes it this way, “Times Two is about two women meeting, falling in love, and realizing that they are so crazy about each other that they want to have a family together. The fact that they both get pregnant at the exact same time is where things get interesting.”

I mostly enjoyed the book, which is a quick, light read,  because it is a twist on the usual love story/memoir. I found the portions that dealt with the couple’s infertility struggle to be the most compelling part of the tale. After seeing the movie The Kids are All Right I came away with the impression that being in a lesbian relationship might be really difficult simply because having two people that obsess about the same things would be really hard. This book reinforced that impression for me.

I have to be honest that I had a little problem with their story. There is no doubt they’re both amazing, accomplished women; they are both very much New Yorkers (something they freely admit) and I felt the way I always feel when I read about the hyper-spending NYC, farm-it-out lifestyle—are you people kidding me?! No, a baby nurse is NOT a necessity! $375 dollars on body pillows?! Oy!

I do love that our society is in a place where we can appreciate and celebrate the family these two women have made. It’s worth reading for that story alone.

Leave me a comment as to which book you would like to win, and why and I’ll pick a winner for each book next week.

 

Both review and giveaway copies were provided to me at no charge by the publishers.