Juggling Life

It's Called Thoughtful Thursday For A Reason . . . Jenn's "No on 8" Post

Like Tootsie I've got a lot to say on this issue, so here goes.

A big ballot issue in California this November (you know, besides electing a new President) is Proposition 8. If Prop 8 passes, it will make same-sex marriage (which the courts recently ruled could not be prohibited under our constitution) illegal in California. So (stay with me here because it's a little counterintuitive), yes on 8 is no on gay marriage, no on 8 is yes on gay marriage.

I've made no secret of being a liberal (a label I do not consider pejorative) so the way I'll vote is no surprise. Here's why I think you should also vote No on 8.

I don't see how it is right to tell other people how to live their lives--as long as how they live is not hurting us or their kids. By that I mean things like committing crimes, abusing children--quantifiable harm.

I confess to being befuddled as to why (in most cases) those that don't want government in our fiscal lives want them all over our private lives.

I STRONGLY believe in the separation of church and state. I certainly don't think I should tell you, as a religious person, what your beliefs should be. By the same token, I don't believe a religious person should be able to tell a secular society what it's beliefs and laws should be.

If religion begins to dictate government we will end up living in a de-facto theocracy. What does that look like? A lot like most countries in the Middle East. And that? Scares the hell out of me.

Speaking of the Middle East--why are fundamentalist Muslims committing acts of terrorism against western democracies? Because they don't like our educated women, our music, our short skirts; in short, they don't like OUR FREEDOM to make our own choices about the way we live. They don't like that we don't believe in the same things they do and they want to force us to live by their values. Hmmm, what is that sounding like?

If your religion doesn't believe in same-sex marriage, that's fine by me. You're allowed to believe what you like. When you talk to your kids about these issues you are free tell them what your family and your church believe. I've been sharing my beliefs and views with my kids even when they didn't correspond to what the law of the state was. THAT'S HOW THINGS WORK IN THIS WONDERFUL COUNTRY (present total mess it currently is not withstanding) WE CALL THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. Thank God (or whomever or whatever else you'd like to) for that.

My final argument? I'd like you to meet my good friend Jason and his husband, Giancarlo, and their kids. Please, pay him a visit. I think you'll understand why I can't say that he is not worthy of having the same CIVIC rights and responsibilities than I do as a citizen of the state of California.

The Good Ol' Days

Yeah, it's a lot like that.

Not A Political Post Per Se

I'm pretty much glued to MSNBC these days--of course I watched the debates and I'm reading election coverage from many sources. I've seen and heard discussion about the McCain commercial that includes debate footage of Obama saying McCain is right about some things. "Senator McCain is right about that . . .," etc.*

Why is that a bad thing? I have admiration for a person that can give credit where credit is due and doesn't think that only he/she has the right answers. What has happened to our society that there are those that think that NOT being combative and contrary is a sign of weakness?

*I will confess to laughing when Jon Stewart showed the footage and then said, "Obama then added McCain 08!"

Missing My Mojo

I'm a real optimist. There's not much that gets me down--at least not for very long. This situation with the economy though . . ..

I keep imagining a couple just like Mr. Fix-it and I, only 20 years older. That would put them at 64 and 66. Like us, they started planning for the future at a very early age, when they were very first married. While other people in their early 20's were buying fancy cars and taking exotic vacations, this couple was making sure they were building their nest egg, investing all they could in their 401K's, paying life insurance premiums and buying a house they could afford on one income. In their 30's they stayed in that house instead of moving up, didn't taking equity out of the house even after it had quadrupled in value and they paid cash for slightly used cars they then drove until the cars died.

They lived a nice life, but not an extravagant one. They provided for their kids well and gave them lots of opportunities they themselves didn't have when they were kids, but didn't spoil them with designer clothes and big allowances. They didn't cash their stocks in, but left them to grow--for the future.

They never, ever played the game of trying to keep up with the Joneses. I'm projecting here, because I haven't been through it yet, but I'm assuming that in their 50's they were both working, making more money than they ever had. They made sure they had no debt and that all their kids' college educations were paid off. They were able to treat themselves to some travel, a housekeeper, dinners in nicer restaurants--some of life's little luxuries. They splurged on family vacations with  their kids and grandkids. Still, they were aggressive about saving for retirement. Not that they'd retire exceptionally early, but mid-60's seemed just about right.

Then the Economic Crisis of 2008 hit. Hard. Suddenly, a lifetime of playing by the rules, being pragmatic, living within their means and planning for the future didn't seem to count for much.

I just can't stop thinking about those people. The people that didn't read the fine print on mortgages that a fourth-grader could have figured out were not within their income to afford? Not so much. But that couple? They're keeping me up at night.

Truly Wondering

I hope this doesn't sound snarky--that's not the tone I'm going for--because I'm writing this from a place of sincerity. I've made no secret of my liberal leanings--that said, I do think it's important to keep an open mind about other people's points of views.

I have a question for my friends out there who are Republicans (I know I have a few and it reinforces my belief that we all have more commonalities than we have differences). Fiscal conservatism is often hailed as a Republican characteristic. I completely understand being a fiscal conservative (I would use that label for myself). Given the data over the last 30 years on the national debt and the various administrations, how does being a fiscal conservative translate to voting Republican?

Again, I cannot emphasize strongly enough that I'm coming from a place of genuine curiosity and wanting to understand another viewpoint. This will either spark a genuine exchange of ideas or make people mad, but, in the words of Helen Keller, "Blogging Life is either a daring adventure or nothing."

Overheard At Dinner

Bugs: Can you tell me what is going on with the economy?

Me: The short version is that it used to be when you wanted a mortgage (quick tutorial on mortgages) you had to put 20% down--if the house was $200,000 you had to have $20,000 cash--and then you paid a certain, fixed interest rate, say 8%, for 30 years. Only banks and credit unions could give mortgages.

A few years ago the government decided to loosen the rules--it's called deregulation. Then a lot more businesses could write mortgages, you didn't have to verify income or put money down, and you could pay no interest in the beginning so you payment could jump from $600 to $3,000 in a few years.

Bugs: How did the people getting those mortgages think they'd be able to pay them? It sounds really stupid.

Me: Kind of shocking that you figured it out in 2 minutes and it took several years and the collapse of the housing market for our government to catch on.

Jenn Has Her Say

Many of my favorite bloggers have had their political say in the last couple of weeks. There was Mrs. G, Kaylnne, Cheri, Suzy and Aaryn, among others. Mrs. G offered her usual sage wisdom of knowing when to say when on political commentary; you don't want to become shrill and emotional. So I'll try to follow her advice and offer my opinion up just this once.

I could be a poster child for personal responsibility and pulling oneself up by one's bootstraps. I am the most family values person you will ever meet. I've been married to the same man for 21 years (I started dating him when I was 18 and I was never one to "date" around. You can read between the lines). In addition to our three biological children, my husband and I raised my niece. We've offered help that many would consider above and beyond the call of duty to extended family. My husband and I are fiscally responsible and have been saving for retirement since we were in our early 20's. We've never been without health insurance and life insurance and car insurance since we became adults. I've been a SAHM for all of my kid's lives. Pretty conservative wouldn't you say?

You can see why I would have a problem being lectured on "family values" by twice and thrice-divorced men with trophy wives.

I was born poor, my mom raised us into the middle-class and my husband and I made the leap to the lowest reaches of the upper middle-class. Today the media is calling me a "Wal-Mart Mom." Last election I was a "Soccer Mom." I could do without the labels. If you really must put on one me, let's try this:

Doing well enough even in this sucky economy (as long as I don't have to retire tomorrow)-has pulled her own weight her whole life--knows that the world is not an even playing field and some people might need more help than others--is willing to give up the sure thing of her current excellent health care in order to gain universal health care--can't tolerate hate politics of any kind--thinks religion has NO place in our government--can't stand to see some kids get every opportunity in the world while others fall through the cracks while we avert our eyes--thinks all zealots (Muslim, Christian, Jewish and any other kind) are incredibly dangerous--thinks families can come in many different forms and doesn't think gay marriage threatens my marriage--is pro-choice and pro-birth control and pro-educate our kids about sex--wants all kids to have the chances in life my kids have--sick to the point of tears over being in a war that had nothing to do with terrorism--not willing to let the terrorists beat us by us becoming not us (civil rights, et. al) anymore--knows this earth of ours is very sick and needs our help right now so let's quit debating climate change and do something about it--as patriotic as anyone else in the U.S. of A.--Mom

That's who I am. I know who I'm voting for.

From The Archives

A couple of readers said they wouldn't mind reading more from my archives (I blush and demur but finally capitulate!), so here is one of my earliest posts.

Originally published December 27, 2007

Divorce . . . 70's style

I am making preparations to fly to Washington state for a final visit with my sister, who has cancer. She has at most a month or two left. It would be sad no matter what, but particularly so for a 41 year old mother. To say our relationship is complicated would be understating the situation by a lot. My oldest daughter, B, is actually my sister's child that my husband and I raised (a story for another day). B, my stepsister, T, and I are going together to see my sister, as we did this summer. My sister's situation has me reflecting upon my childhood, and in particular how my sisters and I were split apart.

My stepsister, T, and I were close as children, and we are very close today. But, there is a period of about 25 years (yes, we're old!) when we had very little contact. How did that happen? I'm going to have to say it was divorce . . . 70's style. My mom and stepdad and  T's mom and stepdad divorced at the same time, when we (T, her sister D, my sister, L, and myself) were in our early teens. Apparently it didn't occur to the adults involved that they were not just divorcing, they were causing the divorce of four girls who had spent their childhoods together. Four girls who giggled under the covers way past lights out, shared the hatch of a Datsun 240z on car trips (no seatbelts!), camped together, wore matching Halloween costumes, fought over doing the dishes, had snowball fights and sledded at our grandparents/ stepgrandparents cabin, waterskiied at the Colorado river, and were just generally SISTERS. Once the parents separated, we girls were never even offered the opportunity to see each other.

I don't know if it's by chance or luck, but our circle of friends has not been touched by divorce (yet?) Most of our friends, and our kid's friend's parents, are around the 20 years married mark. So I don't know firsthand how families are handling divorce these days. But I would expect that today's parents are a lot more enlightened about considering the psyches of their children. I certainly hope so. Divorce is never painless, but I'm sure it works out better if the adults involved consider all the ramifications it will have on the children involved, even if the children are not related by blood. Looking back, I'm not sure why all of us girls just blindly accepted our situation. Again, I'm going to blame it on the 70's--you did what your parents said and you didn't ask a lot of questions. I'm sure my children would be voicing their opinions clearly loudly! And thank goodness for that.

Losing someone close to you really causes you to reflect on, and analyze, your life. I'm generally not given to a whole lot of introspection, but if feels good to have gotten these thoughts on paper blogosphere.

Stories That Might Be Funny If They Weren't True

A customer brought in a prescription that had the name of a family member that was not the person the prescription was actually intended for on it. I had to call the doctor's office to verify who the patient was. (It's a little thing I like to do--treating the dispensing of potentially fatal medications as the dispensing of potentially fatal medications. Call me crazy!) This irritated the customer to no end. Why couldn't I just take her word for it? (See previous parenthetical sentence).

So I call, get it straightened out, tell her it will be ready in 10 minutes. She doesn't move from the counter. She's cleaning out her purse. I say, very politely (I know it was polite because I was really trying). "Excuse me, do think you could wait elsewhere? There are several people that need my help." I gesture to the line of 3 people behind her. She says, "I don't think so. I waited for you." Can I get a collective WTF? I know that's what the woman behind her was thinking.

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An older woman, quite a character, was trying to get a boatload (a yachtful, not a dinghyful) of prescriptions refilled substantially early. She's on a program where the government pays for her drugs. I tell her it's too early, she's not going to be able to get them.

"But I want to take them to the Philippines and give them to my brother."

"Ma'am, you can't do that."

Stunned. "Why not?"

"The taxpayers of the United States are paying for you to have these medicines for your health. Not for you to give them away."

She remained unconvinced. She continued talking about all the drugs and diabetic supplies she usually takes her brother. I barely restrained myself from sticking my fingers in my ears and chanting "I can't hear you!"

Times like this do challenge my liberal bent just a smidge.

Things That Make Me Go "Huh?

So I was at this lovely party Sunday night. We were under a pop-up tent at a concert in the park; our neighbors had set out a beautiful spread of hor'dourves with plenty of wine and beer (well, maybe not quite enough beer--they didn't know I was going to drink as much as I did!). The following conversation took place when I was on my first beer. Upon sober reflection, it may be the reason I drank the next few.

Very Well-Off Woman and I are surveying the spread--mixed, grilled vegetables on a pie crust spread with cream cheese and Boursin. Melon wrapped in Prosciutto, luscious red and green grapes and Brie, peppers stuffed with cream cheese and topped with pine nuts. Buffalo mozarella topped with slices of tomato and basil and drizzled with olive oil. All delicious, all beautifully presented.

I comment on how fantastic it all tastes, but admit to a bit of guilt since I've just finished reading Barbara Kingsolver's Animal, Vegetable, Miracle. Very Well-Off Woman isn't familiar with the book, so I give a brief synopsis. Transporting our food from far-off places = not efficient, big carbon footprint. Eating locally grown produce in season = better for the environment. I mention that I found it ironic that I purchased the book at Costco at the same time I bought a Chilean pineapple, Ecuadoran bananas, and Mexican avocados.

She looked at me incredulously. "You don't really feel guilty about buying pineapple because of it's 'carbon footprint'?"

"Yes, I do. I think I should do a better job eating locally. I'm going to join Bee-Wise ranch cooperative again. I quit because I didn't always like the vegetables, but I should just cook what's in season, not simply what I have a taste for."

"That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. This world's been around a long time and there's nothing we're doing that's going to change that. I say eat whatever you want regardless of where it comes from. Life's too short to worry about stuff like this."

Huh? I'm guessing she thinks the Kyoto Protocol is a bunch of hogwash. I'm also assuming she won't be giving up her Lincoln Navigator anytime soon.

You can see why I had to have another drink, right?