Juggling Life

In Which It's Been a Long, Long Time . . .

The last time I've written about me is April 30. That is a darn long time ago and a lot has happened since then. Facebook is so ubiquitous in my life, I assume everyone knows everything, but realistically no full stories are told on FB--it's pretty much just the highlight reel, right?

So many of you have been with me for so long--7 years--you've seen my life transform in some drastic ways. One of those major transitions has been career-wise. For the past 18 months, I taught pharmacy technicians and running the externship program (a vocational internship) for a  campus of a well-known chain of vocational schools (I started as a adjunct three years ago). My department was overseen by the Allied Health Program Director (the umbrella for the pharmacy tech, medical assistant and medical billing & coding programs). Since the M.A. portion is far and away the largest program, and has a separate accreditation which requires someone with an M.A. credentials, the program director (PD) has always come from that background. 

My former boss was a reluctant and interim administrator and, in the interests of making the position easier to fill and do, I was asked a couple of months ago to take over the role of PD for Pharm Tech and MBC, and the MA program would stand alone. I said yes and I really enjoyed the job for three weeks--which is the length of time I had it before they powers-that-be came back to me and shared an idea for bringing everything back under the Allied Health umbrella, having me run it, and having my former boss be my assistant. 

I didn't respond immediately as the position meant leaving the classroom, but after thinking hard and negotiating salary (women: men don't take the opening offer and neither should you), I knew yes was the right answer. I'm not even going to humblebrag this one: I got promoted twice in one month 'cause I rock my job. Women need to start owning their awesome like men do and I've decided to lead by example.

I LOVE everything about my new job. 

I get to counsel students and since I've always had a soft spot for the underdog, getting to meet and hopefully  help lots of underdogs is amazing. Some I will be able to save and some I won't, but what a cool thing to spend your time trying to do! 

I get to lead a team of 12 and so far everyone seems happy with how they are being led. 

I get to bring my ideas and the ideas of others to fruition.

I get to put my master's degree in Instructional Leadership to great use by learning the language of data analysis and doing things like evaluating year-over-year trends and then drilling down for answers as to why.

I get to develop talent. 

I took this position two weeks before an internal audit and I worked six days a week, 12 hours a day to dig out from a considerable mess, but I did it and was part of a very impressive result campus-wide. I got to establish myself as a person that expects results, not excuses, and that was helpful.

Several people have remarked that my eyes sparkle when I talk about this new position and that can never be a bad thing. 

What else? Let's do this up-to-date thing:

• Helping plan, as part of the social media committee, #MarchAgainstED
• Still working on the Jenny situation--frantically, on occassion. She was just in the hospital for a week getting an endocronological workup. Next step getting sorted still.
• I am writing a lot about eating disorders (links at bottom of the post)
• Danger Boy and Social Butterfly are just about ready to go back to school. Time flies. DB will be a senior and SB hopes to study at University of New South Wales in the spring.
• My nephew, Travis, is living with us. This falls under the never say never category. He's gotten older and wiser (he is 8 days younger than DB) and is ready for some Jenn-style tough love to set him on his way. It's a good thing and I'm really happy we are in this place.
• Grownup Girl and Grownup Guy took a memorable Alaskan cruise and are now ready to focus on starting a family. Can't. Wait!
• So looking forward to a trip this coming weekend to see MVP and Mandy and her parents and attend this concert at Red Rocks Ampitheatre in Colorado. The concert was a birthday gift and we're going on our 27th wedding anniversary weekend. How cool is that?

 

 

Ten Things Parents Wish Educators Knew About Eating Disorders (This has been very well received and has been shared internationally and incorporated into at least one schools teacher training curriculum. I'm over the moon about it).

A five-part series for the Dr. Greene site (I am glad I saw his TED talk--cool info I'm sharing with my kiddos about waiting to cut the umbilical cord. Also, DB is impressed with me for being affiliated with someone who did a TED talk).

This post, a rebuttal to a New York Times piece is one I am proud of as I got positive feedback from two writers whose opinions I respect based on their own amazing talents as writers--Mary Petrie and Jocelyn Philaja. 

 

 

 

 

 

In Which Pedro Almodovar Knew What He Was Talking About

I cannot believe that for the first time since I started this blog, on Christmas Day 2007, I didn't post on my blogoversary. Okay, maybe I can believe it. I last posted on December 9 and last read blogs even before that; this is the longest blogging break I have taken since I started--and I am really missing all of you; Facebook is just not the same. 

For several weeks I have been juggling like never before, busier certainly than in the years when four kids went to four different schools and I volunteered my little heart out and cooked dinner and packed lunches and drove carpools and attended games and performances. 

I didn't plan on it getting to the point it did; it all snuck up on me. There's the full-time job of course, and Christmas is always busy and I have had another full-time job fighting for treatment for Jenny. On a nightly basis I was breaking my sacred rule about eight hours of sleep (six turns out to be very no bueno for me) and the exercise routine that helps keep me sane could not be shoehorned in anywhere. 

Then, a week before Christmas, our neighborhood was devastated by a neighbor's suicide. It was both very sad and added another level of need-to-do to my my already heaping plate. At this point in fact, I began to have a hard time seeing over the top of that plate. I started to sweat a little, but was sure I could do it all. When have I ever not? There were a couple of bumps on the homefront that added some stress, but I am confident it was the work project that was gifted to me via email, without prior consultation or notice, under cover of night, that was the proverbial last straw (me being the proverbial camel in this scenario).

In any event, it came to pass that on Friday afternoon, after attending the funeral for our neighbor, I found myself standing in my garage screaming at my husband, "I THINK I MIGHT REALLY BE ON THE VERGE OF A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN!" as he screamed back at me, "I BELIEVE YOU!"

It turns out the truth shall set you free. I have taken a few-day-hiatus from supporting Jenny--the point of a team is to hand the ball off now and then, right? I have taken down Christmas (note-to-self: normal people probably say "I can't take down Christmas because I have too much to do," while I say, "I have to take down Christmas now so I can think to do all the other stuff I have to do." I probably need a therapist). I have done some laundry and graded some work and dusted and swept.

I have just finished with a nice, hot bath and will be getting to bed soon. 

I have taken my son and his girlfriend to the airport and have assured her that she truly has seen this family at both its best and worst during this trip. If she keeps coming back, it won't be because she's not seen "the real us."

Next time (let's be realistic, there will likely be a next time--I never expected to be putting the hours in on Jenny's situation as I have, but once you get started, what are you going to do? When Jenny gets into treatment I will be floating on that high for a long time and it will be amazing to help and see her rebuild her life), I hope to recognize when I need to put on my oxygen mask before it gets to the point it did. 

Christmas itself? Magical in every way. From the brunch (outside with mimosas under a sky and sun that dazzled completely) to the mid-day bike ride to the incredibly thoughtful gifts that everyone gave and got to the fact that our guests included two dogs (belonging to my stepsis) and two kitttens (my grandkitties) to the delicious dinner--it was Christmas as Christmas should be--a celebration of family and love and generosity (also flexibility--Grownup Guy had to work part of the day so we did presents at night--I was a victim of the rigidity of "tradition" as a newlywed and I will never put that on one of my kids. Never.).

Christmas 2013: MVP, Mandy (holding the totally random Noel Duck), me, Mr. Fix-it, Social Butterfly, Danger Boy. Tree courtesy of the Christmas spirit of a stranger. 

As for blogging . . .

I think it might just be a safety valve on the pressure cooker that being me can sometimes be. I'll be back.

 

Flagstaff: There and Back

This past weekend was Parents' Weekend at Northern Arizona University, so Mr. Fix-it and I made the easy 7-hour drive up on Friday and back on Sunday (or maybe it's just seems easy 'cause he does all the driving).

We had a very fun dinner out Friday night with her roommates Erin and Tara and Tara's mom, grandma and long-suffering, but game little brother. We wrapped dinner up around 9:30 and took the girls back to the dorm so they could hit a party. I swear to you the thought of starting my night at 10 p.m. exhausts me too much to even contemplate.

(I have this really funny story to tell that happened at dinner, but it requires you to have seen this Jimmy Kimmel/Justin Timberlake skit, to understand that when I showed that bit to Mr. Fix-it I had to explain Twitter and hasthags (more than once) and then I would need to use hand motions to do the part where I saw a kid in a t-shirt that said #TrueBlueNAU and I said, "Hey! (insert hand motion) Hashtag TrueBlueNAU and Mr. Fix-it responded "(insert hand motion) Hashtag funny!" and the whole table cracked up.)

I should have taken a picture Friday night because the rest of the weekend the girls were not in a picture mood. Not even when I made my lower lip quiver. Sigh.

Erin, Social Butterfly and Tara's pretty blue eye. Somewhere around move-in day and swiped from FB.

Saturday Erin joined us for breakfast at a place so amazing that I can unequivocally say that it was worth the 1 +1/2 wait for a table and the additional hour for the food. OMG! Best breakfast of my life. And I am not young, so that's a lot of breakfasts. 

If you are ever in Flagstaff, you must have breakfast at MartAnne's Burrito Palace. Must. The servers wear Dia De Los Muertos aprons bought off Etsy.

Saturday afternoon the girls napped and Mr. Fix-it and I saw Don Jon (incredible social commentary on misogyny, porn, and "The Rules"). Saturday evening we ended up rocking it low-key with just the three of us, a movie, and pizza and beer in the hotel room. I may have had to prove that I can still chug an entire beer. 

Graininess aside, I adore this photo. #1, happiness and silliness personified. #2, my bra is doing it's job.

Sunday we had breakfast with the girls at Biff's Bagels--it is 100% granola Flagstaff at its best, and then we lit out for home. But not without me unwittingly leaving my jewelry behind. 

The terror in my heart when I went to get dressed Monday morning! The relief when I called the hotel! The apprecation I have for the honesty of Candace! The TripAdvisor review and emails to management I am writing this weekend!

It was a quick but really fun trip and Social Butterfly is doing phenomenally well. I read an essay she wrote that knocked my socks off. She's changing her minor from Psychology to Forensic Psychology and she and Erin are looking at doing a study abroad in Australia or Fiji--and I am optimistic this will happen. Very optimistic.

A lot of things are coming together re: eating disorder activism and they are very exciting. I'm going to wait until things are further along to share. 

I am really missing all your blogs! Work has been like running full-tilt on a hamster wheel, but I think next week will be better and I will be visiting all of you.

 

 

 

 

 

Empty Nest Redux

Is it just me or does she look like the epitome of glowing health and beauty SoCal style?

I had graduation for my college Friday night; thank goodness a father-daughter college move-in road trip seemed like a great idea. So I celebrated with my students (note: If I'm going to continue to do this, I might invest in a gown and hood made of something other than 100% polyester. Holy 90 degrees yesterday) and then joined some co-workers at a wine bar for fancy noshes and the most delish cocktail ever--Champagne with Grey Goose vodka and a dash of ginger liqueur. O.M.G. All for $20. Not even kidding.

Saturday saw me lounging in bed before heading off to my company picnic down at Mission Bay--a gorgeous venue under any circumstance, but on an 80 degree day with a pleasant breeze? Lots of grass and sailboats and good food and, in an unexpected twist, Atomic Fireball whiskey. A good time was had by all.

Then it was home for the Little League World Series, which I love with an inexplicable passion--I'm just not into MLB anymore, but this is pure Boys of Summer stuff. Plus, a San Diego County team is in and they're so talented and I loved Little League when my boys played and their dad coached and umpiring was their first job. My team won! Tomorrow, after a morning walk with a friend at the lake, Mr. Fix-it and I will watch Japan vs. United States at noon. 

Good times.

It's lovely to have the bedrooms full and then it's lovely to have them empty. This is the way life is supposed to be now and I think it comes just in the nick of time--for me anyway. I'm ready for a quieter life. I've been watching Brothers and Sisters* (I am so a cross between Nora and Sarah) and Rebecca, the illegitimate daughter, told her mother Holly that she'd deprived her of the chaos and dysfunction of a big family. There is so much beauty and joy in a big family, but, yes, it is chaotic.

Mr. Fix-it and I are going to Fort Collins in mid-September and then Flagstaff a couple of weeks after that. We are blessed to be able to make these trips--they are so much fun.

Oh, and I had a great success this week. A couple of FB friends and I were super-heated over some inaccurate articles about eating disorders in a couple of online magazines--one you've not heard of, but one was Psychology Today. We started tweeting and I got one article pulled, the head of the National Institute of Mental Health weighed in on the Psychology Today article and we had discourse with the author--we got totally lame backpedaling, but it's a start.

When I say I'm going to lead a quiet life, I really mean in comparison to how busy I have traditionally been, because it turns out I can only sit still for so long. Thankfully, a coworker described me today as "freakishly efficient." I'll take it. It gives me plenty of time to tilt at windwills in the hopes I can contribute to making some incremental changes for the better in this crazy society.

 

*I love Sally Struthers and Patricia Wettig for their ability to move their faces and their wrinkles. Thank you, ladies. Now, THAT is aging gracefully. 

 

 

 

 

Sepia-Tinted Memories

I want to write about the family trip we just took; however, the return to real-life is bearing down like a out-of-control train--which wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't tied to the tracks. What do you mean, not everyone's first day back from a two-week absence includes the cleaning and readying of two rooms for long-term houseguests on top of the usual scaling on Mount Laundry? I. Am. Exhausted.

The only way this is getting done is that my husband is such a go-getter that my only choice is get up and clean or look like a schlub. Next week at work? Covering another class three of the days. Oy. All the parts of my job that only I can do are also waiting for me. If I run at 100mph beginning at 7:45 a.m. Monday morning, I stand a chance of getting what I need to do done.

So, the stories and photos will come, as time permits. 

The gist cannot wait though . . . 

Every single moment exceeded my expectations by a factor of at least three. True story.

The people, the places, the experiences, the feelings--all amazing. 

If I had to sum it all up in one word, this is the one that comes closest . . .

content

The blessinng and the opportunity to share with your children the lives they've built and the people they've built their lives with--and to find it all to be so good and healthy and hopeful--it makes one content.

That contentment is made up of moments of magic and I have much photographic evidence of said moments, but until I can share the stories and pictures, I will be content with simply telling you it was wonderful. 

Psyche--I can't push post without one photo.

 

In the women's locker room/bridal lounge--post-photo shoot/pre-wedding cheese and cracker and fruit and adult beverage picnic.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Catch of the Day

For 3 + 1/2 years (I checked my gmail for our first email exchange), I have been a fan and friend of Busy Bee Suz. When I was blogging at The Women's Colony, I had her write a piece about her father. I love her writing because she has such a strong voice--you know who she is from her writing. I dig that. 

Suz has always been high on my list of bloggers to meet (and I'm lucky to have met several phenomenal women bloggers in real life. I'm hoping to make my list less gender-specific and meet The Jason Show soon). When I found out she was taking her mother to Las Vegas for here 70th birthday, I knew I had to try and make it out there to see her. I couldn't really commit 100% until the beginning of the week, but on Monday I knew it was a go and I Hotwired a room. I scheduled some business a little north for Friday morning and took 1/2 a vacation day, so when I was done with my work at 11:30, I hit the road. I was all checked into my hotel room at 4:30.

Suz and I did our planning by text and after getting approval from her to wear my cute shoes rather than my okay-but-much-more-walkable shoes, I took a cab from the Stratosphere to The Mirage.  

Cute shoes. Oddly color-coordinated to the hotel's carpet. How many pairs of shoes did I take, you ask? The two to choose from for Friday night, the ones I wore to work and a pair of flip-flops because I don't walk on hotel room floors barefoot. See also, doesn't travel light.

We met up by the fishtank at the reservations desk at The Mirage. It was love at first sight :)

I immediately asked a couple, "I will take your picture if you take ours." Done. She has good taste in shoes, no? And the bumblee colors? She rocks them!

Suz had been showing her mother such a good time in Las Vegas that Beverly needed to rest up before dinner, so Suz and I went to the bar where we discovered the first of many things we have in common. We don't really like loud, pseudo-hip bars. We do both like alcohol and talking though, so we found the quietest corner and we were off. 

Ways that Suz and I are similar:

We both notify our families when we are heading home so all clutter can be removed from our visual fields in order that our heads don't explode. Related: Organizational skillz? We haz them. In spades.

We were both raised by single mothers that were flawed (and who among us is not?), smart, hard-working independent, feisty and funny. I was already missing my mother a lot because of the upcoming festivities, but seeing Suz and Beverly together made me miss her more. They clearly treasure one another.

We both learned from the mistakes of aforementioned mothers in the picking-a-life-partner department and I have no doubt that The Coach and Mr. Fix-it will get along great when they meet sometime (we're plotting it). They are both amazing and generous husbands, fathers and sons. Plus, girls' softball. Plus, big-ticket gift-givers who love to see the looks on their wives and chilren's faces when they give thoughtful, terrific presents. 

We both have/had fathers. It was/is complicated.

We will both (Beverly too) start a conversation with absolutely anybody at any time. Dinner would have been fun anyway, but with the company of the young ex-Mormon couple seated next to us, it was truly memorable (I meant it when I invited you to come visit San Diego and stay with me, Shelby and Matt. You have my card--call me!). 

We both look way too young to have adult children. The absolutely darling, slightly-inebriated 23-year old at the next table said so (yes, you again, Shelby). Related: This may actually be the line that engendered the invite, because nobody wants to hear they look young like a 49-year old woman having a year-long, low-key panic attack about her next birthday being a half-century milestone. (Full disclosure: That's me, not Suz. She's younger than me. B*tch. JK).

We have both lost a sibling :(

We both like to fill our lives with family and friends and laughter and food and drink (and clean counters).

We both love inside jokes. And now we have a couple of our own. I would share them with you, but inside jokes are never funny to those on the outside. You want to hear one? Okay, you twisted my arm. We had just finished perusing the menu and discussing that Suz and Beverly love pratically all fish. Except salmom. When we asked the waiter what the catch of the day was, he said . . . wait for it . . . salmon. Okay, maybe you had to be there. And maybe it would help if you'd had several cocktails or glasses of wine. But it's funny to us. Very funny. Don't suggest otherwise or Suz will shank you with a shiv.

The accordion player was so enamored of Bev he saw spots :)

We can both think on our feet. Like after the server at the bar (who I'm sure was paid by the length of her legs, not the depth of her intellect) splashed water on the table and therefore my phone (just a little, but hello, pouring liquids is your job, one would think you'd be a little better at it. I know I sound bitter, but she also tried to take my Vodka Collins with 1/2 inch of drink still in it), Suz helpfully sang, "watch your phone," as she approached us pitcher in hand. She also asked the taxi driver if he was taking the scenic route. He made a u-turn. I swooned. I love me some smart, funny people.

We both cannot stand heights. Neither can Beverly. Yet we all went to the observation tower at the Strat and watched guys bungee-jump.

 

Slightly blurry photo from the tower at the Strat--I had to do it one-handed while I held onto the barstool between me and the window.

It was 11 p.m. when we parted ways--they had to be at the airport early. I slept in until 8, didn't get out of bed until 9 and was home by 3:30. 

If you're ever in Vegas, let me know? I will so come meet you.

Dinner at Battista's Hole in the Wall. Pasta, wine and friends. It doesn't get much better than this. We are lucky indeed.

The wonderful thing about meeting a blog friend in real life is that you can now drop the disclaimer, "My friend, Suz. Well, I've never actually met her in person, but she's my friend. Really. It's a blogging thing. It is NOT weird."

We're both veteran Girl Scout leaders, so this seems especially fitting:

Make new friends, but keep the old, one is silver and the other gold. A circle is round, it has no end, that's how long I want to be your friend.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Work Life: The Scoop

A significant amount of the busy-busy in my life now takes place at work. There is the teaching side (have I mentioned I love my students and my job?) that happens in my classroom and there are the other aspects that take place at my desk.

After initially hating my digs--and being super p*ssed that people were touching/taking my stuff, I love my little corner. It's not the quietest, most uninterrupted place, but most days it is hella fun. If I really need to get a lot done without interruption, I can always work from home on my laptop (related: I think peri-menopousal women should be allowed to count the hours between 4 and 6 a.m as part of their workday--we could work from the couch for a couple of hours since we're up anyway and then leave work two hours earlier. Anybody with me on this?). The work always gets done.

As with any domicile, it's the people within it that make it a home. In this particular abode, it's my co-workers who make my home-away-from-home a place I love to spend time. I ought to count how many times a day we laugh uproariously, but that seems to lack spontaneity and maybe just estimating "a lot" is a better way to go.

We laugh a lot.

We laugh enough to sometimes attract attention.

We laugh enough that sometimes people knock on our imaginary door and ask to come in and laugh with us. 

I work with three very smart, funny, sometimes quirky women. We like each other and we support each other--we are a real team. Come to think of it, there's something to like about everybody I work with.

So that's good.

I also have students and in general they are pretty cool people. I now have a happy hour club of students I stay in touch with. Just today one of my friends ('cause they're not students anymore) came by and talked to the class about her great job at Kaiser and how she got it. Paying it forward.

Also? In a two-week period, six of my students got jobs. I work hard to make that happen (along with our Career Services Advisor) and it feels damn good when it does.

I would have to say the worst thing about my job is all the potlucks--I'm a baker, so I'm baking a lot and that means I'm taste-testing a lot. I have an end-of-mod potluck every month with my class, and it's always somebody's birthday or going-away. On the other hand, life is to be lived and a brownie now and then is called for. 

That's the dispatch from the front this week. I've definitely resigned myself to posting less often--I'm going to shoot for Time Warp Tuesday and one other post. I'm not going to feel bad if I miss the one other. I'm actually trying to work on some longer form writing--perhaps, as Mary Matron did, going into a pre-50 self-reflective period. Magpie Musing turned me on to an article about women and menopause that was interesting; I am not a fan of Sandra Tsing Loh--I find her whiny and self-centered--but I think she's hit on a lot of truths with this piece. 

 

 

Keeping Calm and Carrying On, You?

I am operating at about 80% full health. I really need to exercise and tomorrow may be the day I do it. Or maybe not. We'll see. 

Social Butterfly is doing well; she's certainly eating great, though it looks like we're going to have do the same major-calories-per-day routine we did before to put back on that lost weight. 3,500 calories a day is only fun if you're on vacation and it involves two margaritas and a piece of chocolate cake (stop me if you've heard that one before).

I had a lovely night in Thursday night--Indian takeout and Champagne--with OMomK Thursday night, so that was fun.

I have been taking on small-to-medium projects having to do with our upcoming accreditation visit (Monday and Tuesday). Corporate was a bit behind getting the draft catalog for this year to us, so it needed to be proofed against the syllabi and the big boss (wisely) thought I would be perfect for that job and asked nicely and offered to pay OT, so of course I said yes. I'm fairly sure nobody thought it would take 12 hours, but then I'm not sure they are used to my level of proofreading. In fact I know they're not because a few people were slack-jawed as the read my corrections. "P. 74 VN103 Sentence 3: unneeded comma after the word perform. P. 74 VN104 Sentence 4: Course catalog says perform while syllabus says performs." I left work at 10:35 p.m. exhausted, half-blind and with that weird starving, but not really hungry feeling that comes of having eating Chex mix and Reese's peanut butter cups for supper.

My sister-in-law from Minnesota has been trying to get to San Diego since the wee hours of this morning because a family friend that was more like a grandfather to her passed away (not unexpectedly, but still sad) and finally, with weather delays, mechanical failures and who knows what else it became apparent Los Angeles was as far as she was going to get today, so her brother (not hubs, but another one) is going to get her tonight as he's an hour closer to L.A. than we are. Mr. Fix-it will bring her south in the morning. While I feel her pain, it has been somewhat entertaining to watch this Planes, Trains and Automoblies experience unfold on Facebook. Not so much if you're living it, I'm sure.

Mr. Fix-it came home from Salt Lake City under the weather himself and I hope we're not in vicious pass-it-back-and-forth cycle, cause I really don't feel like going down again. Plus, we are getting way behind on our movie viewing and the Oscars are on the way.

That's my week in review; I've got bigger, more existential thoughts swirling, but I'm still too tired to write-write. 

 

 

 

 

From Bad to Worse to Really Awful

I started the week under the weather and proceeded to develop really terrible cold symptoms. It's just a cold, but seriously? During the holidays when work was slow and Grownup Girl and Mr. Fix-it were down for the count, I was healthy as can be. This week, with a new class starting, three days with students and accreditation looming, was just not good timing. Though the doctor's appointment I already had was well-timed since I was able to get a nice supply of Robitussin with codeiene. Let's not talk about the fact that that doctor's visit resulted in a colonscopy order. Oy. Story for another day. 

That opening paragraph was because I couldn't lead with the really awful. It turns out there is also no way to transition to the really awful.

I had a student who dropped from my program some months ago and was set to re-enter on Tuesday. He was a very smart and very troubled young man--a former Marine who suffered from PTSD. His interest in my program was solely to allow him to access his GI bill--specifcally the housing allowance. He was very frank about that. In his first go-round his attendance and academic performance were such that he was dropped.

I was vocally, vociferiously against having him come back to my program. Because we are a place that believes in second chances (which I think is a very good thing in general), I was overruled. It was no secret that I was upset, but I also had accepted that he was coming back because what are you going to do? You make your concerns known and then you play the hand you're dealt.

Still, when he didn't show up on the appointed day, I was not only relieved, but happy. All the problems I anticipated his presence in my class, my program and my life (I foresaw a serious ethical dilemma for myself when it came to placing him on an internship site) evaporated. In my typical aforementioned vocal and vociferous style I expressed my pleasure, with maybe a hint of I was right about all the issues I'd raised. 

That was Tuesday. I gave him no further thought until a former student who was a close friend of that young man called me Thursday afternoon to let me know his friend had killed himself two days earlier.

Yes, right about the time I was congratulating myself on having dodged a bullet, he was using a bullet to end his troubled, tragic, oh-so-young-still life.

Where am I with this?

Sad, oh-so-sad.

I know that all my reasons for fighting against his reentry were correct (and, in fact, verified by the suicide) and as others have pointed out, who knows what might have happened in terms of other students if someone with that level of instability and access to a firearm had come to school.

Still.

What I am struggling with is that in all my thoughts about this student, I gave short shrift to his pain and the origins of the behaviors with which I had issues. My focus was on how his actions would affect me and the other students. 

This was not my finest moment as a human being and I regret that. 

 

 

 

 

Good Times, Indeed

 

I am about to hop in the shower as the party prep takes place downstairs. The young people are downstairs working right now. One very cool thing is that it appears that in this generation, real men do help with party prep (my husband always has, but he was the oldest of five and the second-in-command to a mother who [like the woman he married] has definite standards for housekeeping).

I will update this with pictures after the party. I'm very excited!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

The Pinup Girl was amazing. The theme of the party was "chemistry"--so perfect for a chem major/pharmacist. In addition to the cupcakes being the periodic table of the elements, she used GuG's textbooks and papers in the decor. My house has never looked this good. The food was simple, but delicious--mini quiches and caprese crostini and for drinks, Champagne with sparkling juices. The games were great fun and not too-showerish if you know what I mean.

It was great fun to see some girls I have not seen in years--they've all been out of high school for almost 10 years. Two of my mother's best friends were present. I can't tell you what that means to me.  

GuG with 3/5 of the bridal party--her half-sister, Social Butterfly and the Pinup Girl. Fun Fact: If you average her sister's and SB's height, that number will be a smidge over 5'll.

GuG's stepmother made the ballcap veil which went perfectly with the Br-I-De lab coat TPG designed--and thank goodness TPG put me out of my misery as I was wracking my brain trying to think of what element "De" could be; she had to take some poetic license on that one.

 

Of course there were presents. GuG's grandmother attached a gift card to a plate that belonged to her great-grandmother--cool idea, no?

This is my very favorite photo of the day. My eyes tear up every time I even think about it. It's been a long time in the making. 

Bear, Bugs, Me, OMomK, SB, GuG--together for the first time in three years. It feels good. Very good.

Ginger and Maryann aka Bear and Social Butterfly

This photo? Kind of takes my breath away. Oh, TWO, you are so missed.

So that was the party. After the party? The after-party, natch.

OMomK keeps a close eye on Mr. Fix-it's pour. This man deserves a medal for always being willing to make one more Chandon run. Seriously.

SB even changed into her New Year's Eve party dress. No idea who or what I am hailing so enthusiastically.

Yes, we did indeed raise the roof. Also? Shorty got low, low, low. I highly recommend Pandora's Kelis Milkshake station if you are in the mood to get jiggy with it. It is a testament to the power of caffeine, extra-strength Tylenol and a flexible arrival time (thank you, universe, for no students today) that I made it to work. As I said on Facebook, I was seriously channeling The Little Engine that Could.

As if all of this was not enough good news, Grownup Girl found out today that her school found a rotation for her in Chicago, so the master plan remains intact. Lest you think as you look at these photos, "She doesn't look in that much pain to me," that is, in fact, a Percocet smile on her lovely face. 

Thank you bloggy peeps for all the good juju you sent. I am convinced it makes a difference. To the readers (yes, plural) that emailed an offer of a place to stay and someone to look out for GuG if she did have to make that Montana drive--you are good people. Thank you so much. To the rest of you--thank you for sharing in my joy. My heart is indeed full.

To The Pinup Girl and Grownup Girl--that tipsy offer of unlimited free babysitting in a few years? It still stands in the sober light of day :)